The Beekeeper’s Apprentice

It’s a published fanfiction of Sherlock Holmes where he’s given a plucky young female accomplice. It’s excruciatingly painful.

Prelude; where the character is established as a Mary Sue and the author promptly shows us that she doesn’t understand or like the original stories.

Chapter One; where the character’s Mary Sue credentials are proudly displayed and I scream about witchcraft.

Chapter Two; where the character is painfully perfect and painfully unnecessary.

Chapter Three; hurr hurr Baskerville references hurr hurr.

Chapter Four; let’s have teenage girls run criminal investigations and dig into a big plate of pork, shall we?

Chapter Five; ooooo that’s bad racism. And bad historical research.

Chapter Six; where there is no research, a patronising attitude, and a lack of understanding of the basic laws of physics.

Chapter Seven; Holmes, why do you hate Watson so much?

Chapter Eight; Maths is the gateway to the mind!

Chapter Nine; there is no historical research.

Chapter Ten; poor characterisation and that awful, awful quote.

Chapter Eleven; Mary goes shopping and I try to predict who the villain is.

Chapter Twelve; there are lots of creepy things and I threaten to kill Mary. Again.

Chapter Thirteen; the plot stops entirely for a holiday. I am not joking.

Chapter Fourteen; we learn the full extent of Mary’s tragic back story. It is tragic.

Chapter Fifteen; now with more angst!

Chapter Sixteen; a villain is pulled out of thin air. It makes no sense.

Chapter Seventeen; WHAT? WHY?

Chapter Eighteen; you know what we love? Clunky and awkward monologuing!

Chapter Nineteen; Dottie goes a bit crazy and fulfils a promise.

2 thoughts on “The Beekeeper’s Apprentice

  1. I’ve been fortunate enough never to have read ‘Beekeeper’s Apprentice’ (although I did hear the radio adaptation, and found it so addicitively awful that I had to keep listening in the vain hope that it didn’t get any worse): but I enjoyed your review immensely. You and I clearly felt the same way about this dreadful excuse for a book. Congratulations on the ceremonial book burning, and enjoy your graduation day.

    • I have never read a book I detested more than the Beekeeper’s Apprentice. It failed on every level I demand of a book and it made me want to break things. Thank you for your good wishes for my graduation!

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