Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ – my reviews

Chapter One; scars. And a lack of professionalism.

Chapter Two; Lawrence gets staked, so rejects medical treatment.

Chapter Three; Let’s all go to the hospital, let’s all go to the hospital…

Chapter Four; Anita Blake is now officially above the law.

Chapter Five; bully for fucking you.

Chapter Six; do you know what the police are good at? Stopping crime.

Chapter Seven; Anita knows nothing about food. Or how to be polite.

Chapter Eight; the Vampire Council’s spokeswoman, Yvette, is introduced. She is, of course, a pervert.

Chapter Nine; yellow belly chicken shit.

Chapter Ten; congrats Captain Obvious.

Chapter Eleven; I ignore stupidity with puppy dogs.

Chapter Twelve; Liv’s a meanie, cos she’s a girl.

Chapter Thirteen; hey look Liv’s still a meanie.

Chapter Fourteen; Anita can’t walk down a pair of stairs.

Chapter Fifteen; the mad rapist is Hispanic. Make of that what you will.

Chapter Sixteen; Vampire Council bullshit makes no sense.

Chapter Seventeen; when does the arson start?

Chapter Eighteen; someone vomits rotting guts everywhere. Surprisingly, this is boring.

Chapter Nineteen; LKH still doesn’t know how unconsciousness works.

Chapter Twenty; women can’t look tuff.

Chapter Twenty One; let’s all talk about Anita and not about the gang rape victim.

Chapter Twenty Two; let’s insult Sylvie further.

Chapter Twenty Three; you know what’s great to have in a family restaurant? A public bar.

Chapter Twenty Four; the police should not do work and should suspect everyone.

Chapter Twenty Five; where are the arson attacks at?

Chapter Twenty Six; Anita and Richard find each other super hawt.

Chapter Twenty Seven; Richard tries to beat a woman in the face.

Chapter Twenty Eight; everyone is sickened at the idea of a woman raping another. They were openly talking about gang rape and insulting the victim earlier, but the idea of a woman forcing herself on another woman? Disgusting.

Chapter Twenty Nine; Anita and Richard solve problems by making out.

Chapter Thirty; Anita tries to shoot down a butterfly.

Chapter Thirty One; Richard pricks his finger on a thorn, so immediately throws off his clothes and has a shower.

Chapter Thirty Two; everyone is out to kill Anita.

Chapter Thirty Three; lesbians are screechy, angry bitches.

Chapter Thirty Four; there was a massive coordinate attack against the vampires of St. Louis, but no one cares about that.

Chapter Thirty Five; Richard is dressing in Anita’s nightie.

Chapter Thirty Six; Anita is working hard to earn her Darwin Award.

Chapter Thirty Seven; Anita jumps on a guy, licks his open wounds, and humps him to orgasm.

Chapter Thirty Eight; finally we’re dealing with the arson plot.

Chapter Thirty Nine; complaining.

Chapter Forty; injuries don’t matter.

Chapter Forty One; women are mean.

Chapter Forty Two; scars.

Chapter Forty Three; a single phone conversation that goes nowhere.

Chapter Forty Four; a little bit of logic.

Chapter Forty Five; Darth Anita.

Chapter Forty Six; Anita faints. Again.

Chapter Forty Seven; everything is solved off-page.

Chapter Forty Eight; JC loves to eat lipstick.

Chapter Forty Nine; more rape. But with pictures to distract you!

Chapter Fifty; Anita holds her friend down to be raped.

Chapter Fifty One; sexy makeout times rips faces off.

Chapter Fifty Two; or something.

Chapter Fifty Three; IT ENDS.

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