A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Incubus Dreams’ chapter twenty


noe anita

Just when you think Anita Blake has lost all power it has over you…

OK, I am coming back to sporking. I am back, dudes, dudettes, and dudexs. I’m hoping to be back to sporking on a part time basis – I really can’t do the every day schedule anymore! I am not a young sporker out the gates anymore. I’m going back to university in September to train as a teacher (!!!) and I’m in a relationship – so I can’t spend hours every day screaming at Anita.

I’m not going to reveal personal information about my boyfriend, but his name is so ironic. As in, he is my boyfriend. Have I told you about my boyfriend? As I was saying, my boyfriend, who is my boyfriend.

That should be enough clues. Gods, these books are entrenched in my life.

Right, everyone is nude and nothing is happening. That should sum up everything that happened so far. Look, there’s not really that much to catch up on. We’re 150 pages in and nothing memorable has happened.

JC is calling for Anita but she’s full of fear. Anita is slumped with Nathaniel and Damian ‘their hair mingling like bright and dark ribbons’. Gregory is kneeling in front of them all, all half-leopard up in their business.

Even under spotted fur and yellow kitty-cat eyes, the hunger showed through. Not lust, hunger.

You know, I generally can’t read the expressions on a cat’s face that well. They just sort of look like cats all the time? Plus, if you say hunger, I think hunger. If you say lust, I’d think lust. Words mean things.

Richard is also there and his unhappiness/anger/bullshitedness and this pulls everyone out of Damian’s Terrible Worst Memory Ever. Through the power of plot convenience! JC then starts talking again, letting Anita know that Moroven (you know, Damian’s personal Voldemort) can be defeated through the ardeur’s ‘clean lust, free of pain and terror’.

I don’t understand how a moist vag defeats evil but I’m not a vampire hunter. Guess I don’t have the right qualifications.

Richard is very angry because… he’s Richard, and Anita is hesitant to feed on him. After all, Richard doesn’t ever want to be fed on and there’s been that whole issue in the past about how she did it without his consent because Anita is a horrible person. It’s a moment where Anita has a single concern for another living creature – well, until Richard, gritting his teeth, is all YES I HAVE SAID IT’S OKAY.

Well, I guess forced/coerced consent is a kind of consent. Ish.

‘I cannot hold Moroven’s fear off forever, ma petite, you must act before my strength fails us all.’

Oh no they’d be… hurt or dead. I wouldn’t want that, I’m so emotionally invested in all of these richly developed and nuanced characters.

834

‘Easy for you to say, it’s not your lily-white ass on the line.’

‘I am loosing against Moroven. I can feel her nightmare coming closer, and when it comes close enough, I will flee and save myself, in hopes that when darkness falls there will be something left to rescue.’

brave-sir-robin-holy-grail-day-demotivational-poster-1257624369

Anyway, Anita has to have all the sex with Richard because…. um… it’d be super bad you guise you have no idea.

My heart was in my throat like I’d swallowed a fish.

LKH, I’ve missed your terrible primary school metaphors.

Gregory doesn’t help things by sniffing and saying how yummy everything is. Anita is surprised that Gregory, who is in a half-leopard form, has leopard teeth. He licks her face and Anita makes noises from fear.

Gregory growled next to my skin. “Hmm, do it again.”

4vvo8

Gregory will only listen to Richard saying that this is bad and creepy and he should stop and then he laughs. Like a serial killer. He wants to ‘play’ and ‘torment’ her. Ah, rape imagery. I haven’t missed that.

Gregory only stops for reals when Micah (BOOOO) comes in with Clair, Richard’s girlfriend.

You didn’t usually hang on to someone like that unless they were your boyfriend. I realized there was an emotion I could feel through the fear – jealousy. What the hell was she doing hanging on to Micah?

  • She walked into a house and was greeted to a gross, bloody orgy.
  • A gross, bloody vampire lept at her and tried to eat her.
  • Said vampire bit a huge chunk of flesh from her boyfriend’s chest.
  • There is loads of fear floating around the place. Just hanging around.

So, yeah, Clair is scared. But, nope, EVIL SLOOOOOT.

Gregory senses that she’s weak and tries to apply his serial killer charms to Clair but Richard makes sure that Micah takes her out the room. This was pointless.

Richard and Gregory are afraid, blah blah, if Richard changes his clothes will be ruined, blah blah, where is the hot werewolf on werewolf orgy action I was promised, fear is floating around, blah blah.

It’s very riveting stuff, you can tell.

Gregory’s only answer was a low growl that made Nathaniel whimper again.

“God help me, she’s afraid to see me nude, and I fucking love it. I love that she’s afraid of me, and I hate myself for loving it. The ardeur will rise, but God alone knows what we’ll do before it does. With this much fear, with her, I don’t trust my control. And whatever happens I want clothes when it’s over, because I’m going to want to get the hell out of here.”

Okay, this is actually Richard speaking. Not that you can tell, because he’s not mentioned and Gregory’s actions are tagged alongside this little speech. Which is a totes realistic thing for someone to say. Richard then drops his pants.

He undid his belt with one hand and squeezed the top button of his pants. The button popped open and, still gripping the top of his pants, he made a rolling motion with his hand and the buttons snapped open in a long rolling line. The front of his pants spilled open, and he spilled out. Either he wasn’t wearing any underwear or it couldn’t keep him contained

Thanks for that laundry list of actions describing a man unbuttoning his trousers. Because I had no idea how one unbuttoned trousers, it being an action that I am entirely unfamiliar with. Plus, A+ word repetition. And I doubt that Richard’s penis is strong enough to burst through his boxers.

Anyway, Anita is turned on and afraid and angry and shit.

I put my hands over my eyes like a child.

Ah, there’s the strong, sexually liberated adult woman we all know and love. Because there’s nothing that gets me wetter than a sex scene where a woman calls herself a child.

There’s a page where Anita feels like she’s going to scream and Richard is actually a nice person – getting her to calm down, and being there for her, in the moment, and not being an asshole.

I started to nod, then Damian grabbed my leg, and the fear roared back, and the scream ripped out of my throat. It wasn’t just Moroven’s power, it was Damian’s fear of that power, and the fact that I couldn’t shield against it.

FEEEEEEEAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR and more vague metaphysical magic that never really comes across as a threat because that requires like, suspense and shit.

It’s nice to be back.

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A reivew of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Laughing Corpse’ chapter thirty six


Anita is tied to a chair. Dominga hovers around, clipping her nails and some hair for the compulsion spell.

I had been tied up before, and I always have this Houdini fantasy that this time I’ll have enough slack to wriggle free. It never works that way. Once you’re tied up, you stay tied up until someone lets you go.

It’s rare that Anita is witty when it is not at the expense of someone else, so I did enjoy that paragraph. Bruno brings in an unconscious Wanda and she’s in pretty bad shape. It’s motivation for Anita to raise the zombie, since apparently Dominga is in actual fact absolutely horrendous at magic. Also Wanda’s going to be the human sacrifice. Gaynor is very pro recycling.

I stared down at Wanda. She lay on her side without moving. She was wearing another long multicoloured skirt. A white blouse with a wide lace collar was half-ripped from one shoulder. The bra she wore was the color of plums. I bet there had been panties to match before Tommy got hold of her.

Nice. Implications of rape. Because a urban fantasy book with a female heroine cannot possibly be printed with out at least one mention of rape.

Wanda is awake and Anita demands that she drag her legs across the floor and free her from the chair. Wanda refuses because she can’t walk and she’s been tortured horribly.

It was almost as if panic were a drug, and Wanda was fighting off the influence. Or maybe it was Harold Gaynor who was the drug. Yeah, that made sense.

No, it doesn’t.

She was a junkie. A Harold Gaynor junkie. Every junkie is willing to die for one more fix. But I wasn’t.

Yes, I’m sure Wanda is desperate to help the man who skinned her legs for kicks and abandoned her to be a street walker. It hasn’t got anything to do with the fact she has been tortured, possibly raped, and cannot walk. Despite this, because everyone is unworthy compared to the Great and Powerful Anita Blake, Wanda frees the ropes a little until Not Nice Tommy comes back into the room, twirling a knife. He asks if Anita wants to raise the zombie. She says no.

‘Because he sent me in here to persuade you.’

I stared at the glittering knife, I couldn’t help myself. ‘With a knife?’

‘With something else long and hard, but not so cold,’ he said.

‘Rape?’ I asked. The word sort of hung there in the hot, still air.

He nodded, grinning like a damn Chesire cat.

I hate it when rape is used in books like these. Female authors, male authors, whatever, they both use rape as a generic catch-all horror that happens to women and I am sick of it appearing. Rape is something to be used with a great delicacy, because it’s an awful awful awful awful thing that is still far too common. Throwing it into a plot as something that is used as a weapon against women will always make me dislike what you are writing. Anita being raped has no real purpose. It was out in for shock value and that sickens me.

Tommy settles down into the act of raping Anita and I am not going to recap it because it is horrible to read a first-person narrative account of rape when it is being used purely to inspire shock in the reader. Rape makes me feel sick, because there’s a one in four chance it will happen to me in my lifetime and I really don’t want to read a graphic account of how Tommy is getting hard and Anita doesn’t like it.

For once Anita and I agree on something, for she plunges her thumb into Tommy’s eye and makes it explode.

black widow

That got a deserved Black Widow badass seal of approval.

Wanda drags him to the ground and Anita beats him to death with a chair leg, recreating the death of Yellow Bastard from Sin City. Cripes.

I’d never beaten someone to death before. It had felt good.

….

just going to leave that there.

Wanda and Anita leave the room in search of escape and I am going to try and wash this all from my mind.

A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Guilty Pleasures’ chapter ten


Righto, on with today’s chapter. Oh, and the blog broke 10,000 hits. Wooo yay me! And I made a kiwi-lime pie today. I didn’t like it so much because it was quite tart, but I was rather proud of myself.

So what trouble has Anita found herself in today?

She’s been locked in what appears to be a basement. Well, she describes it as more like a dungeon and it’s full of rats. Big rats.

A rat the size of a German shepherd sat up on its sleek black haunches. It stared at me, huge paws tucked close to its furry chest. It cocked one large, black button eye at me. Lips drew back from yellowed teeth. The incisors were five inches long, blunt-edged daggers.

Wow that’s an impossibly large rodent. At least it’s probably more afraid of you than you are of it. Rats are not known for their violent tendencies; hell, I’ve seen chickens take down rats plenty of times. Anita calls out for JC who doesn’t answer but her shouts and noise bring on a tidal wave of rats. That’s not really how rats work, but I guess it’s building up to something… and then a rat-man appears.

An honest to god rat-man.

“Come down, human. Come down and play.”

Where is the explanation for this? Where did the rat-man come from? Anita talks about werewolves and surviving a were attack but I cannot buy that in the Hamilton universe wererats exist and turn men into giant rat-man.

He curled his tail through his hands, stroking it. One clawed hand ran through the fur of his belly, and stroked lower. I stared bery hard at his face, and he laughed at me.

Rat-men are disgusting and rapey. I do not like them. Mister Nikky asked them to entertain Anita while she waited, which just makes my brain go OH GOD NOT MORE RAPE. I am fed up with supernatural novels somehow all involving rape. I do not like to read about rape. It makes me uncomfortable. I am fed up of heroines being threatened with rape constantly. All it does is serve to remind us that this is a vulnerable woman. It lessens the crime and lessens the drama of the moment. It’s about saying ‘this is a woman in a dangerous situation because these books are for women and this is a crime that happens to women’. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of people using rape or sexual assault as a way of making things more serious. So stop it.

He rubbed claws through the fur of his thighs. It drew my attention to him, between his legs.

Giant rats pin her down, and then the narrative gets incredibly confusing because Hamilton has difficulty with the flow of action. I can’t tell exactly what happens, but I guess that the rat-man climbs on top of her and she kicks him in the chest, knocking him across the floor. She kicks out some more, kicks some more rats, and the rat-man is not happy that she resisted his advances. He gives a hand signal, and Anita is swamped by rats who bite out at her viciously. Anita, getting pretty desperate, lashes out at rat-man verbally, saying that he must be scared of her, a plain old human.

“You stink of fear, human. Blood and fear, smells like dinner to me.” The tongue flicked out and he laughed at me.

Anyway, she says she has silver and rat-man is rather nervous, which seems to confirm he is a were-rat. And instead of turning into just a rat, the type of were animal I like, he becomes a giant rat-man. Anita is worried that if she gets scratched or bitten she’ll become a very stupid were animal too. The hospital can apparently treat it, although the inoculations have about a 50-50 success rate, making me wonder how the hell they were ever approved.

“You ever been had by a were?”

I wasn’t sure if he was talking sex or as a meal. I chose sex and said, “You haven’t got it what it takes, ratman.”

He stiffened, hand sliding down his body, claws combing fur. “We’ll see who has what, human.”

“Is this the only way you get any sex, forcing yourself on someone? Are you as ugly in human form as you are right now?”

Yes, taunt the dangerous monster. Clever. Real clever. I do not want to read a passage of a giant rat-man raping someone. He leaps on top of her, but she kicks him full on in the chest and sends him flying. Exactly like before. Luckily, a second rat-man wearing jeans appears and asks just what the fuck is going on. So jeans = a nice person.

The new rat-man says that he is the king, what is this nasty rat-man doing? Nasty rat-man says that the master told him to do it but rat-king tells him he’s a little twat and he’ll kill him unless he follows his orders. Nasty rat-man skulks away thank the lord. Rat-king asks Anita if she’s okay and I’m so glad there was no rape. So glad. He runs off as the vampires return, presumably to see what the rat-men left behind from their fun little rape. Female stereotype vampire is surprised that Anita is unafraid. Unafraid. She was pretty scared to me, are you disappointed she didn’t have a monster commit a violent sexual attack on her?

Wow, I hate all the vampires in this book. They are all deeply unpleasant.

Anyway, Female Vampire laughs evilly and says Nikky is going to be everyone’s master by the time the night is over. Whatever. Not original. Not particularly interesting. I just hope Mister Nikky is interesting when he shows up, hopefully next chapter. Unless Hamilton pulls out a chapter a paragraph long or something.

A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Deadlocked’ chapter twelve


eurgh eurgh eurgh this is so boring. Nothing but boring old repeat pack intrigue and vampire intrigue is happening in this book.  There’s nothing particularly new or exciting. Bill drives off with Colton. Sookie goes with the werewolves. The werewolves lied about having Warren. They’re rogues Alcide refused to let join the pack because they have criminal records. They’re going to overthrow Alcide. Well, after they’re done raping Sookie, as this is a Charlaine Harris novel and she is contractually obligated to have at least one mention or attempted rape of her main character in every book. One of them punches her so she takes her opportunity to attack him, even though there’s one of her and four of them.

Luckily for her, someone shoots one of them through the car window. It’s deux ex Mustapha, come to save her. He drives her to Alcide’s, but takes the time to ask about why she is wearing prostitute clothes. Keep it classy.

AND THEN SOOKIE EXPLAINS ALL THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS OVER AGAIN TO ALCIDE. more exposition argh argh argh i am going to go cray cray

anyway it turns out that alcide believed sookie that a woman he’d known for years and years was actually an evil scheming bitch. Go figure. He followed her around and saw that Jannaylynn was meeting up with the rogues (and I have given up caring about the amount of n’s in that name). The girl rogue had big tits actually had good character, so Alcide recruited her to work on the inside. Jannalynn wanted to overthrow Alcide herself and become packmaster, even though she has been madly in love with Alcide for as long as she’s appeared and never displayed any violent tendencies towards him in this time.

Funny how the people that Sookie doesn’t like always turn out to be bad, isn’t it?

The rogues were taking Sookie to Jananylnn. Luckily, Mustapha and Alcide had already become bros before this point and engineered her rescue. It would not have been pleasant otherwise. Janylnn had allowed the rogues to have time with Sookie before they brought her in. Ick.

I came out of the bathroom. Alcide was having a beer, and Mustapha was drinking a Coca-Cola.

Sorry to be so pedantic, but Mustapha doesn’t take any stimulants of any kind. That’s why he turned down soda from Sookie in the last book. And in the opening chapters of this book. Continuity be damned!

oh and it turns out that janylnn was involved with the drinky drinky murder plot. she knew kym from childhood and told mustapha to let her into eric’s house. this is stupid.

“No, it was not her plan,” Mustapha said clearly. “She was hired to find a Were girl willing to carry it out, but it was the plan of this dude named Claude. I’ve seen him at your place. Your cousin?”

well, this is about to get a lot stupider.

A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Dead as a Doornail’ chapter thirteen


Sookie calls up Eric and he’s round in a jiffy.

He was wearing a golden brown T-shirt and brown pleated trousers with a magnificent belt that was just barbaric; lots of leather, and gold, and dangling tassels.

That’s some real awful fashion there Eric.

He’s over the moon at Sookie needing a favour from him.  So, you know, a dick. It shouldn’t be a surprise by now. He keeps saying ‘oh Tara could just leave her home and business behind blah blah blah’ until I want to stake him myself. Franklin has too much of the old ways, he says, back when vampires used to pass around humans, to maintain a steady supply of blood until the humans died.

“Very much in the same relationship to humans as humans have to, say, cows. Edible like cows, but cute, too.”

McPeople.

That’s a terrible analogy. I don’t pass around half eaten steaks.

In payment for calling up Mickey’s maker Salome and having her call him off, Sookie must tell Eric EVERYTHING that happened to him during the evetns of Dead to the World. She could just send him that link and it’d be a whole lot easier.

“Did we have sex?” he asked directly.

What is your obsession with knowing whether or not you had sex with her? How old are you, fifteen?

“We had sex in every position I could imagine, and some I couldn’t. We had sex in every room in the house, and we had sex outdoors. You told me it was the best you’d ever had.”

Eric looked like I’d hit him in the forehead with a mallet.

So would I. TMI.

“You offered to give me up your position as sheriff and come to live with me. And get a job.”

Eric isn’t reacting well to all this. Sookie then tells him about the murder of Debbie Pelt. There’s an interesting part where she says she did it for self defence, but that it was still murder, plain and simple, and Cain probably said the same about Abel. Well, uh, no I don’t think he did, seeing as Cain was a dick who hadn’t just been shot at. I may be an atheist, but I know my Bible good.

Eric phones Salome and asks him to take care of Mickey… and he already knew there was something iffy with Mickey anyway, so I don’t understand why he didn’t pull this ‘I’m sheriff and he didn’t call!’ stuff before. But whatever. He also says that the sniper may have mistaken Sookie for a shifter because she spends all her time hugging people, and some of them are weres, and argh the way he says it makes me want to stab things.

Then Mickey is outside and he’s pissed.

MICKEY SMASH!

Mickey had thrown a large rock as big as my fist, and to my dismay the rock hit Eric squarely in the head. He went down like – well, a rock.

Mickey’s got Tara with him, and she’s been beaten to a pulp. If Sookie doesn’t let him in, he’ll kill her. Huh. Quite a conundrum. Eric bites her wrist to heal, and says to not let Mickey in… but then he comes in? I have no idea wha’s going on, I can’t find any sentence where she invites him in.

Hello editor? I think you fucked up. Again.

Mickey slides through the window, dumps Tara on the floor and begins smacking Sookie around.

Mickey was on top of me, his intentions completely clear when he reached down to unzip his pants. “This is all your good for!” he said, contempt making him even uglier.

NO

NO

CHARLAINE HARRIS

I CALLED NO MORE RAPE AFTER THE LAST TIME IT HAPPENED

NO

Before anything actively traumatic happens, Sookie rescinds Mickey’s invitation and he flies backwards out the window, to stalk about outside for a bit before he suddenly runs off into the darkness, presumably to be viciously killed by his maker. I’m so sad.

Tara wakes up and refuses to go to the hospital ‘because everyone will know’. Wow, so I guess when you have to pay for medical care apparently there’s no such thing as doctor-patient confidentiality. What a bitch! Eric says her wounds will heal without a doctor; I mean, she’s only got some broken ribs, nothing too serious then.

Eric then rants on about what a terrible friend Tara is to his beloved Sookie, for which I call immediate and complete BOLLOCKS on.  Eric, you knew that Mickey was a bad guy, hoping to poach in your area. You should have sorted it out when you had the opportunity, instead of being obsessed with Sookie’s amazing vagina. Sookie, you knew your friend was in an abusive relationship, yet you decided to stand idly by and attempt nothing. Yes, you did get shot, but you weren’t trying at all before that point anyway. You can BOTH GO FUCK YOURSELVES AND STOP BEING WHINY ARSEHOLES TO THE STUPID WOMAN WITH BROKEN RIBS AND DRIVE HER TO THE HOSPITAL.

ALSO MY TYPOS FOR THIS BIT WERE KIND OF HILARIOUS

BUT NOT AS HILARIOUS AS WHEN BILL COMES TO FIX THE WINDOWS AND SOOKIE THINKS TEE HEE, WE COULD HAVE A THREESOME TO GET OVER ALL THIS SECHSUAL TENSION

WHILE HER FRIEND IS LYING UNCONSCIOUS WITH INJURIES THAT COULD KILL HER

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I DON’T FUCKING WELL THINK SO WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE IN THESE BOOKS

Watch some videos to cleanse this chapter from your minds

A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Dead to the World’, chapter three


Sookie and Eric snuggle on a hearth rug in front of her living room fire.  They talk about my all-time favourite vampire in this book series.

‘Am I to assume that your relationship with him has waned?’

That was a pretty nice way to put it. ‘We’ve been on the outs. It’s beginning to look permanent.’

I’m sorry, but does that sentence imply that you were hoping to get back together with the man who raped you?

For fuck’s sake.

blahblahblahsitaboutbillOHGODOHGODOHGOD

Eric sleeps in Sookie’s bed again.

She’s woken up in the morning by Jason’s boss, Shirley Hennessey.  Jason hasn’t turned up for work.  Shirley sent some guys to his house and his truck was parked out by the front, door open, with the keys inside.  Hmmm.  That don’t sound good. Sookie comes up with three possible scenarios, only one of which explain the open truck with the keys inside.

LIST TIEM.

  1. He met up with some woman and is currently doing the nasty with her somewhere.
  2. The witches have him.
  3. He’s with a vampire from Shreveport.

She calls the sheriff who is an absolute cockhole.  I mean really. Jason has a bad reputation for sleeping around and stuff, so the sheriff reasons that he’s probably with some woman and to call back tomorrow if he’s still missing.

Yeah, and how is he out and about with this woman without his means of transport?  It may not have been officially twenty-four hours which is the supposed window for reporting missing people, but I’m afraid that’s not used in real life.  This situation would immediately be seen as worrying and worth investigating by the police.  So: author failure or just reaffirming the sheriff is a dick?

She drives over to Jason’s and we get a bit that I really hate.  Alcee Beck, the black detective, is looking over the house, proving the police can do their actual jobs.  Sookie has always found it very easy to read his mind and she knows that he’s ‘brutal to uncooperative prisoners’ and forces bribes from black suspects. She refuses to intervene in this situation. After all, it’s not going to do much help if she says anything about it!

I’m sorry but Sookie, that’s a supremely nasty thing to do.  Yes, I understand that you can’t exactly scream out about your telepathy as that’s an insane thing which can’t be explained.  But you’re letting people suffer.  You know what this man is capable of and how much he’s hurting people on your community.  By your refusal to do anything, to offer any help, to start an investigation, is an agreement with what he is doing. He’s getting away with this because you allow it. Thanks Sookie.  You’re letting people live in fear because you don’t want to draw attention to yourself.

Sookie takes a shot gun and there’s blood on the porch.  I’d give a better review, but I’m so disgusted by Sookie’s actions I can’t be bothered.

Some woman called Carla Rodiguez has come into town and apparently she and Jason had a stormy relationship or some bullshit.  I don’t see how she can be involved as Jason DOESN’T HAVE HIS TRUCK OR KEYS. Does no one have any common sense in these fucking books?

A review of Charlaine Harris’s ‘Club Dead’ chapter twelve


The immediate blame for this current predicament is laid at Debbie’s door.  Poor Debbie.  She’s gone through a tough break-up and now everyone seems to think she’s a crazy bitch.  It’s not exactly like Sookie was entirely innocent in her actions.  Poor Debbie.  Stop being so judgemental Sookie.

Now, the first concern is that there’s no air inside a boot.  Well, I should imagine there is some otherwise she’d be dead be now, and there’s probably enough for an hour or two if you consider that a coffin has about four hours of air or so and that’s an odd thing to know.

Bill would be hungry.  Really, really. Crazy hungry.

And here I was – fast food.

Would he know who I was?  Would he realise it was me, in time to stop?

Oh shit.  Hadn’t even thought of that.  She wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop it at all.  The latch release has been disabled.  That’s definitely rather fishy.  Could Eric have done this?  I’m not sure.  It doesn’t help him in his ultimate mission i.e. sleeping with Sookie. OHJESSUSSWEETJESUS BILL IS AWAKE AND MOVING ARGHHHHHHH HE’S ATTACKING SOOKIE AND IT’S ALL AWFUL.

this is horrible and. it. gets. worse.

Now another need was on him, one closely related to feeding.  His hands pulled down my sweatpants, and after a lot of fumbling and rearranging and contorting, he entered me with no preparation at all.  I screamed, and he clapped a hand over my mouth.

There.  Right there.  All my sympathies for Bill, any sympathy I could ever have, has completely gone.  It’s nasty and the worst part?  He’s so blasé about it.  He snaps out his weird trance and goes back to being creepy-caring Bill as if Sookie is supposed to completely forgive him.  That’s disgusting.  She passes out and wakes up in Alcide’s apartment building with Eric and Alcide next to her.

Bill’s cool fingers laced with mine.

Why are you still here Bill?

They talk about the crucifixion which may be for Bubba and about how Sookie killed Lorena.  Debbie is brought up.  No one talks about how Sookie was raped and the fact that the rapist is with them.  There is a humorous interlude whereby they phone up Russell’s mansion and convince them that they have the real Elvis.  They want to keep him to listen to him sing.  This is all really out of place in a chapter which involves rape.  Debbie comes round to Alcide’s apartment.  There’s a bit where they all have to run into the bedroom and OMG HILARIOUS are we ignoring the rape?

To tell the truth, it felt great to be held by him, no matter how angry I had been at him, no matter how many issues we had to settle.

What issues are there to settle?  He raped you.  The only thing to settle is when YOU’RE GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE.

Alcide and Debbie have a fight where he tells her that Sookie is great in bed.  Bill and Sookie have a ‘you never loved me fight’ and I give up caring.  I honestly do.  I can’t get over the fact that the rape is not addressed in this chapter and it’s bullshit about problems in Bill and Sookie’s relationship.  You want to know the problem?  Bill’s an asshole and Sookie’s a big blonde doormat.

Next chapter, moving on as quick as possible to the next book please.