A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Incubus Dreams’chapter twenty two


When I finished having hysterics and everyone had rinsed enough blood off them to be presentable, or at least not make my neighbors call the police, I got dressed.

YOU LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. YOU HAVE NO NEIGHBORS. THAT’S WHY YOU GOT THIS HOUSE.

Micah had pointed out that we’d probably all be going to bed, so why bother getting dressed, but I needed clothes.

Then put on a t-shirt and a pair of PJ bottoms? Don’t you just have stuff for lounging around in? Casual clothes? Doesn’t Anita ever behave like a normal human being?

Black everything from the skin out, including the shoulder holster, Browning Hi-Power, and hidden under my hair the hilt of a really big knife.

SO EDGY. Ah, the reappearance of that stupid fucking knife that makes no sense whatsoever. But it’s cool and all sort of ninja-y so that’s okay I guess. *rolls eyes*

Micah tried to point out that I probably didn’t need that much weaponry to go into my own kitchen. I looked at him, and he stopped. No one else complained.

HA HA HA HA HA

crazy-laugh-animated-gif

ISN’T SHE SO WITTY.

Anyway, Anita fusses about getting dressed because there’s SO MANY HAWT GUYS AROUND FOR LITTLE OLD HER and it’s too much for her delicate sensibilities.

Besides, Nathaniel promised he’d make coffee. I hated eating before ten o’clock, but coffee before ten was a necessity.

What time is this? When is this? Oh my god, this is all still the night/day after the wedding in the first few chapters. THERE HAS BEEN TWENTY CHAPTERS OF THIS NONSENSE.

LKH, you are not the genius you think you are. Your first draft is not gold. You have learnt nothing in your career as an author. If you knew a damn thing about the trade, you wouldn’t let this steaming turd be associated with your name.

Anita and Damian bicker back and forth for an entire page about his dressing gown. See, Anita doesn’t understand what a dressing gown is, even though a dressing gown is just the British term for a robe.

The editor should have just thrown this book in a shredder.

Anita comforts Damian that she’s not angry with him having no character but being a sex-mad rapist with sad puppy eyes. They try to sense each other’s feelings and Anita’s heart is broken because… I don’t know and I really don’t care. Maybe her breakfast (or dinner, because what time is this????) burrito was cold.

Micah came to stand in front of me. Once it had seemed odd to have such serious intelligence out of kitty-cat eyes. Now, they were just Micah’s eyes.

The phrase ‘kitty-cat eyes’ makes me want to punch things. It’s so ridiculously childish. Micah strokes her face and Anita wants to rub against it. She doesn’t and I have no idea why we have to hear about her thought process in minute detail. She then decides to rub against his hands. It seems nice and takes a half-page to do.

“I would spare you this, if you’d let me.”

Spare her what? What is even happening? The last TWELVE CHAPTERS have added absolutely nothing to the narrative. It does not form a substantive subplot and does not add to the main narrative – that hasn’t been mentioned for over a hundred pages.

Anita complains that men get weird after sex. That they get possessed or ‘just want a chance to do it again’. Well, the possessiveness comes from the fact that LKH decided to make all the love interests fucking awful abusers and rapists, and what’s wrong with wanting to have sex again? Is that considered weird? Isn’t that a sign that you’ve both had a good experience?

Nathaniel makes the decision for Anita that she won’t hide. I have no idea what she’s hiding from or why she can’t make a decision for herself.

Micah is upset that Anita is hurt. Presumably he’s angry that it was someone other than him did the hurting. I still have no idea what’s going on

Everyone makes jokes about coffee. This whole chapter should have been crossed out with an extremely large red pen.

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A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter twenty two


Sorry for the extended break. Been a bit busy, seeing as I have a new nephew just arrived and all. And I might have gotten into Highlander, the TV series. It’s all up on youtube and it’s so goofy and wonderful and ridiculous. It’s fun! Genre fiction doesn’t have to be so goshdarned concerned with angst all the time.

I was floating in water, warm, warm water. Arms held me in place, a man’s body brushed against mine in the water.

Why is the solution to every problem PUTTING ANITA IN A BATH? Also: getting into a bath with a naked woman when you’re a naked man when she’s unconscious is super skeevy.

Of course, it’s Micah. You all know that my theory is that he’s a supreme manipulator of women who goes around inserting himself into their lives, abusing them, using them for all they’re worth, making them dependant on him before going onto the next target. So, yeah, this fits. God, he’s such a scuzzball.

Anita goes into raptures about his eyes.

His eyes were kitty-cat eyes. I’d originally thought they were yellow green, but they were yellow, or green, or any combination of either, depending on his mood, the light, the color of shirt he wore.

How did shapeshifters stay hidden throughout history if they went around looking partially like animals? Anita tries to ask why she was so ill but then they start rubbing each other and Anita starts screaming.

I don’t know if it was the pain, the pleasure, the beasts, or all of it together, but suddenly I could think again. Suddenly, I knew why I’d been sick all day.

Your massive blood loss? That’s what I know it was.

I felt that long metaphysical cord that bound me to Jean-Claude, saw him in his bed at the Circus of the Damned with Asher still beside him. There was a shadow sitting on Jean-Claude’s bare chest, a dark shape. The longer I looked at it, the more solid it became, until it turned a misshapen face to me, snarling, and showed me eyes burning with dark honey flame.

I looked at the hungry shadow of Belle Morte’s power that had been trying to leech ‘life’ from Jean-Claude all day. But the Master Vampire’s fail-safe systems had kicked in – his human servant, and probably his animal to call. Richard had refused to help us directly, but he was probably paid the price for it today.

The thing hissed at me again, like some great demonic car, and I decided to treat it like one. I threw my beast down the long line of metaphysical cord. What I hadn’t planned for was that Micah’s beast would follow mine, that when we attacked it would be together, ripping the thing to smoky tatters. It fled through the wall.

…..

……. what the fuck. I HATE METAPHSYICAL MAGIC BECAUSE HAMILTON NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINS WHAT’S GOING ON! Is it like a witch’s familiar? Is it an influence? BM has been feeding on Anita all day but she’s been feeling bad since Asher ripped a chunk from her neck! ARRGRHRHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Anita phones the Circus and gets the human servants to put crosses on the doors. That’ll show them. Micah and Anita then talk about how she can’t keep feeding the ardeur on Nathaniel. Micah whines that she slept with Asher because he’s an asshole. They complain about how Richard dumped Anita because he’s a meanie and isn’t darkity dark.

Well, at least that was brief. Time for more Highlander!

A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter twenty two


The clearing was huge, but not huge enough.

You’re a terrible writer. Why not try ‘The clearing was huge, but even this great space wasn’t enough to contain all of us’? A little wordy, yes, but it sounds better than ‘this is huge but also not huge’.

Anyway, there are two hundred wererats here and six hundred werewolves. What, there are SIX HUNDRED werewolves? That makes it even more unlikely that Raina and Marcus could do all their raping and torturing without the pack stepping in. I can’t believe that 598 people are powerless to stop two people. Anita feels guilty and wishes she had a gun.

Rafael introduces Anita to Claudia, her enforcer. Claudia is six foot six and wears no make up, so she’s probably secretly evil. Anita needs a bodyguard because she doesn’t have enough leopards to protect her and the pack aren’t a proper pack.

“Even Micah’s people added to yours don’t have the right personnel for a working pard. You have too many submissives and not enough dominants.”

I have been staring into space trying to think of an adequate response to that. That is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read. Nathanvile begs Anita to take the help but she’s dismissive. Rafael says his pack is full of professional soldiers –

Another entirely stupid thing. This chapter isn’t going to be fun.

– and that he’ll share with Anita. She refuses but she’s going to get the bodyguards anyway. Claudia is joined by Igor who has a lot of tattoos.

He was bald, with a tattoo of a dragon curling around his ears and the back of his skull. Even by starlight you could see the design of the tat was oriental and well done.

You couldn’t say ‘Chinese’ or ‘Japanese’, could you. Went straight for the offensive term. Claudia and Igor are exactly the same person and they owe Anita because she saved their king, blah blah. They then squeeze Anita’s arms because… um, squeezy? Anita then asks if Igor’s name is real, as she’s a rude bitch. It would seem it isn’t but Igor isn’t telling.

I was relieved to have bodyguards of my own. Naw, not me. I didn’t need no stinking bodyguards.

YOU ARE NOT JOSS WHEDON. YOUR REFERENCES ARE LABOURED AND NOT FUNNY.

Anita goes on about how protective she feels about her leopards (yeah, that’s why you ignored them for a year and a half) and thinks about how she doesn’t trust Micah. This makes her reach out and touch him. SIGH. I’m missing James McAvoy in shorts for this. Ugh.

This sends POWER through all of the wereleopards and this is a sign she’s being a queen.

or something

POWER goes through the wereleopards and they bond, without any need to develop their relationships on screen. Convenient. The others form a circle around Anita and Micah, and watch on in awe as they engage in hot steamy makeouts. Anita sees all the bad things that happened to the leopards and sees a vision of Gregory being tied up. No shit. The POWER bursts and Anita starts crying. She turns around to see Richard shirtless, looking all wild and shit. He’s embraced his beast, which is good because now he’ll eat people and rape women without feeling guilty. He has POWER so he looks like a king.

Richard is joined by his tokens, Jamil and Shang-Da. Shang is angry because he couldn’t protect Richard from the pain of… um, Anita being raped by a stranger. But, anyway, Richard has a speech.

“Welcome rat king –

A nitpick, but that’s a title and should be capitalised.

“- of the Dark Crown Clan. Welcome Nimir-Ra and Nimir-Raj of the Blooddrinkers’ –

Nope, that’s two words. And leopards don’t drink blood.

“- Clan. Welcome to the lands of the Thronnos Rokke Clan. The leopards have shown us this night what it truly means to be a clan, be they pard, lukoi, or rodere.

Rodere? A group of rats is a mischief. And why aren’t you greeting the swans?

They show us for what we all strive for – a true melding of all our parts into a whole.”

Surely, Richard is terrible for trying to introduce democracy and diplomacy into shapeshifter politics.

Richard challenges them to win back Gregory. This makes Micah go into raptures on how wonderful Anita’s pack is and how his are the ones with nowhere to hide. Anita asks ‘What is wrong with all of you?’, rude but to the point, but Micah won’t say. It’s a ‘very long story’ which I take to mean ‘I like raping women, so we had to run from where we used to live before I was caught’. Anita can’t be dissuaded, even when Micah starts going on about Gregory. Micah says that the ‘very bad man’ is going to come after them. What, is this the husband of a woman you raped coming for revenge?

I hope he crushes your balls between two bricks. Slowly.

Anita offers to kill the guy but he’s apparently hard to kill. Rafael comes over to praise the leopards because they used to be the woobie of the shapeshifter world despite, you know, turning into LEOPARDS. Anita then muses on how werewolves don’t have a sense of home. Ignoring werewolves, insulting their culture, and generally being entirely disinterested makes you an expert, you see.

Rafael praises Anita for she doesn’t have a sense of right or wrong, just a tender heart.

Keep on saying it, it ain’t going to become true.

Rafael keeps praising Anita for her mother’s love for the leopards. Yeah, that love that abandoned them for a year and a half, refuses to listen to them or respect their culture, demeans and degrades them, and makes them disturbingly dependant on them! Isn’t that what love is?

Rafael KEEPS ON WITH THE PRAISE. Anita has shamed everyone through her… use of nothing, and Anita shits on Richard for thinking democracy is a good thing. Rafael goes on about how ‘kindhearted’ and ‘insightful’ Anita is.

Both hands on the keyboard, LKH.

Anita then sighs about how everyone thinks she’s a sociopath. Um, they’ve just spent a chapter going on about how much you care for people? THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF A PERSONALITY DISORDER, YOU GOOBER.

All these months I’d been worried I’d fail the wereleopards. I thought failure meant them dying, or getting hurt.

They’ve already been hurt. Most of it has resulted from the terrible abuse you give commas.

What I realized suddenly was the true failure would have been if I hadn’t given a damn.

You haven’t given a damn. You’ve been in charge of the leopards for several books now and you’re only just starting to pay attention to them.

You can bandage a wound, set a broken bone, but not caring… you can’t cure that, and you can’t recover from it.

Let’s see if you can recover from me replacing your tampax with explosives, Anita.

A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Obsidian Butterfly’ chapter twenty two


I can’t tell if any time has passed. The scene break at the end of the last chapter would suggest that she went to sleep – Anita shut the door up so Olaf couldn’t rape her in the night, and then she unpacked her weapons, while furiously wanking over how amazing they were.

But now she’s come out of her room and it’s still night, and now Bernardo and Olaf are all dressed up and they’re going down to the club of the Master of the City.

So

has she slept through the whole day and come out at the perfect time to head out to the club, with a bottle full of bub, look mami I got the x if you into taking drugs, I’m into having sex, I ain’t into making love, so come give me a hug if you’re into getting rubbed…

sorry, I drifted away because the story just isn’t keeping my attention. Mainly because all the Clues are being ignored by each and every one of the characters to go and run down some stupid Aztec tangent that makes no sense and is pointless.

Or is it the same night? Because it was like three in the morning, which is when most nightclubs shut down for the night, so I don’t care if it’s a vampire club as it is not going to have any customers. Well, unless it’s a gig venue because they might stay up for a few days if there’s a music festival on. But there’s not going to be anyone at this place at this time of night.

Bernardo then says Anita is just not dressed right for the club. Not because the club has any dress code but that Anita has to be forced to dress up. You can’t be tuff if you enjoy wearing girly clothes!

It makes me sad that people were choosing to read this instead of watch Buffy.

oh my god someone send me fics where Buffy just stakes every stinking vampire in this series.

“You should change.”

I pushed to my feet from the couch.

You are paid to write. Why did people give you money to write that sentence?

“Why?”

[Bernardo] walked toward me. I caught glimpses of dark flesh above his white leather loafers and the hem of his pants, no socks.

Ew. Never trust a man who doesn’t wear socks. I think it’s disgusting. Slip on shoes are a sign of terrible things.

Bernardo says that Anita have to look good like they do, which is all leather and see through shirts and the shit people wear on TV which people think is darkity dark. Anita refuses, out of good taste, and says she’ll only do it if Edward tells her to. He then comes in and this instantly means ANITA YOU DISPLEASE ME WITH HOW YOU LOOK. The explanation is that if Anita just wears normal clothes they’ll instantly peg her as Anita Blake, Vampire Executioner.

Hang on. Wasn’t Anita’s appearance at Danse Maccaroni so notable that the press all went OMGANITABLAKE? Isn’t Anita super famous? Isn’t she super famous amongst vampires? How is she going to just go into a vampire club without the vampire bouncer going ‘oh shit, it’s the fuzz’?

“I’ll change into something more… festive,” I said.

Oh, something bright and colourful then?

I changed into the newest, blackest jeans I had. The Nikes would have to do because I hadn’t brought anything else. Except more Nikes. All my shirts were just different colours of one or two styles. If I find something comfy, I’ve learned to buy doubles if I really like something, and multiple colors if I really, really like a style. This means I am usually wearing last year’s style long after the fashion trend has moved on, but it’s not like I care.

I had a royal blue cotton tee with a scoop neck. Almost all the shirts I’d packed had a scoop neck. The blue was a little softer than the rest of the colours. I added a touch of eye shadow, enough eyeliner to be dramatic, enough mascara so that the eyeliner didn’t overwhelm my eyelashes, a hint of blush, and some kiss-ass red lipstick.

She then adds a black suit blazer. That sounds incredibly festive. Plus, with Anita’s bleach white skin, I bet she looks like a child with all that make-up on.

god she’s just so boring how is vampire hunting so boring?

Olaf says that Anita is ‘showing too much breast’. When Anita is wearing a scoop neck t-shirt.

I looked at his completely sheer black shirt. “I can see your nipples.”

His face darkened. I think he was actually blushing. “Bitch.”

“Yeah, sure, you and the horse you rode in on,” I said.

Not only is that a terrible retort – YOU ARE BOTH ADULTS JUST TELL HIM TO FUCK HIMSELF scratch that don’t he’s an incredibly dangerous rapist – but yeah, you’ve been told to not get Olaf angry, Anita. You’re scared of him raping you in your sleep. I don’t think purposefully antagonising him is going to make the situation better.

Edward tells Anita again to not tease Olaf, so she just says ‘oh, he started it’.

You’re older than me. You’re older than me. Why can’t you talk like an adult? Why can’t you be an adult? I can’t find this to be an enjoyable piece of escapist fiction when the characters run around behaving like I did when I was fourteen. I hate the person I was when I was fourteen. I hate the offensive, mean, cruel shit the fourteen year olds I went around with did. I hate reading about teenagers because I hated being a teenager. I hated every minute of it. I do not want to relive it. I do not want to read about a bunch of twenty year olds running around acting like children. Let alone woman-childs with firearms.

They then go out to the club. Woo.

A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter twenty two


“Would you believe I slipped?” Jason asked.

No one would believe that you slipped. Because no one would mistake a naked man physically pinning down a woman for someone who had just an unfortunate bathroom accident. But this has completely erased Jason’s trauma and his panic attack, as he now finds this all entirely hilarious. Yeah. That’s how people work. They are like a machine; one minute, they’re in the midst of a panic attack, then you put in the coin and press the button for ‘snarky wit’.

Richard demands Jason leave.

Jason offered me his hand. I almost never let a man help me stand, sit, or do much of anything.

Before I make some filthy jokes about what JC is and is not allowed to help Anita with (hur hurr hurrr), can we have a silent moment for that ridiculous straw-feminist statement which bears no reality to any kind of feminist thought.

Jason leaves, and Richard is POWERfully furious. He is convinced Jason and Anita are sleeping together, which is a special kind of evil, as this means that Anita will not sleep with Richard. He is convinced of his right to control those who may sleep with Anita, which is a shitty world view no matter how hurt he is and makes me want to punt him across a football field by his scrotum.

Anita tells him rather snottily that she turned him down because it was the right thing to do, and quite rightly. I may detest Anita Blake with every fibre of my being, but I would never think it’s okay for her sexual agency to be subject to what anyone else wants her to do.

Richard threatens to tell JC what he thinks is going on, knowing full well that Jason would be killed for it. Anita calls him on this, and he flinches, like the piece of shit he is. She questions whether he really thinks she’s sleeping with Jason, and he seems to think that she is.

“Jesus, Richard, just because you’re jumping everything in sight doesn’t mean I am.”

Zing! Richard needs a slap. His sleeping around got a young woman killed.

Richard tries to counter her point by saying she would assume the same thing if the situation was switched – Anita finding him naked on top of another woman – but seeing as Richard is sleeping with every woman in the immediate area, the comparison falls short.

… hang on, didn’t all of Verne’s wolves die, bar Verne and AN.Other? Did all the women die in one fell swoop?

Richard then suggests that Anita shoots Jason, as she always used to threaten too, because he’s an awful human being. There is then a moment of wonderful POWER between them. Anita notes that she is jealous of the women he sleeps with, and that it is ‘ironic’ that he feels the same jealousy.

That’s really not irony.

A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter twenty two


Jean-Claude’s voice floated over the phone, my phone, my house. He’d never been there before.

JC has been to your apartment all the time. Unless she’s suddenly moved to a new home and LKH didn’t bother to tell the reader. And why are you amazed that – ohmygod – he can use that mystical device of the telephone?

“Are you actually thinking of endangering us all for the sake of two people, one of whom you have never met before, and the other who you once described as a waste of skin?”

Keep piling Sylvie with all the indignities you can throw on her, author. And yeah, JC, Anita kind of has a social obligation to look after the wereleopards when she claimed charge of them. Stop being a chicken-shit coward JC. I know the council are after your blood because oops they think you brutally murdered one of their own, but Anita has to help the wereleopards now.

The council has seven members to prevent a deadlock vote (sensible) and they are going to be voting against JC. Yvette is going to be voting in the place of her master, Morte d’Amour, and Asher is going to be voting for Belle Morte. Because FRENCH. They want JC to take a council place, and if he does, he’ll have to go to France. BECAUSE FRANCE. Because the grand high vampire council are going to have their headquarters in a country that has limited native vampiric myths and does not treat them as equal citizens.

Anyway, JC won’t be a good council guy unless the triforce have the fourth mark and they can’t because Richard is sooooo hateful. They talk about how pathetic his jealousy of them is, even though he has every right to be pissed and JC and Anita should not get off on being so patronising to him. He’s rejecting his beast, which is natural seeing as Anita’s excuse for running to JC was supposedly his beast. To make him better, she has to ‘accept the beast’.

I think Richard should just go away and heal. I don’t think Anita’s presence will help his emotional well-being.

Anita then has a massive emotional relapse. She blames Richard, but I think it might be an unrecognised trauma from, y’know, being assaulted by her vampire boyfriend. She says that she feels responsible for him, but JC says she shouldn’t bother. He then asks how much she wants to help the wereleopards. Those wereleopards she’s in charge of. And will be vulnerable without her. And need her to stop them getting forced into prostitution.

JC suggests that they give Anita and Jason to Padma in exchange for the safety of the wereleopards and the werewolves.

you utter coward.

You’re willing to pimp your girlfriend and friend out to a horrible guy who enjoys torturing people, but you’re not offering yourself up, are you?

Anita says she won’t be forced into sex, so JC sighs, and says he’ll try to make arrangement with that limit. Wow. You are a true hero.

Anita gets beeped by the police and has to go. JC gives her a breathy ‘I love you’ and hangs up.

Are there any awards out there for ‘Worst Boyfriend of 1998’? Because offering your girlfriend as a sex slave then getting huffy when she refuses would definitely get him nominated.

A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘The Killing Dance’ chapter twenty two


JC and Anita walk into his wonderful bedroom, which is decorated in black and white too. These rooms really need some colours.

JC throws himself down on the bed and um –

He should stop making my job easier.

He’s laying around in wait while Anita freshens up in the bathroom he’s had built for her. Apparently, werewolves never need to pee and vampires never need to shower. The bathroom is white and black and Anita thinks about how tired she is, realising that she really needs some sex.

Yeah, when I’m tired all I think of is having sex.

Seemed pretty tacky to have sex for the first time in your other boyfriend’s bed.

It is.

Although she is tired, Anita obsessively checks her makeup in the mirror and decides to freshen it.  Again, when I am tired, what I really like to do is spend twenty minutes touching up my makeup. But no, Anita decides against it as it would give JC the impression that she cares. Not that it’s stupid.

Anita then goes on a massive talk about her mother. Oh, joy. More unresolved maternal issues from the author, poorly added into the narrative as an excuse for character depth.

“Ma petite, you are beautiful.”

I shook my head. “Pretty, I’ll give you, but not beautiful.”

“Who told you you were not beautiful?”

BLARGH. Doubled up words annoy me when they can be avoided.

I leaned against the door. “When I was a little girl, my father would come up behind my mother. He would wrap his arms around her waist, bury his face in her hair, and say, ‘How is the most beautiful woman in the world today?’ He said it at least once a day. She would laugh and tell him not to be silly, but I agreed with him. To me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“She was your mother. All little girls think that of their mother.”

“Maybe, but two years after she died, Dad remarried. He married Judith, who was tall and blond and blue-eyed, and nothing like my mother. If she had really believed my mother was the most beautiful woman in the world, why did he marry some Nordic ice princess? Why didn’t he marry someone small and dark like my mother?”

Unless Judith was born Julian, she’s blonde.

“I don’t know, ma petite,” he said quietly.

“Judith had a daughter only a couple of years younger than me. Then they had Josh together and he was as blond and blue-eyed as the rest of them. I looked like a small dark mistake in the family photos.”

“Your skin is almost as pale as mine, ma petite.”

“But I have my mother’s eyes and hair. My hair isn’t brunette, it’s black –

… and that’s a problem because….

– A woman once asked Judith once in front of me if I was adopted. Judith said, no, I was from her husband’s first marriage.”

Oh, I see. Judith was supposed to throw herself down on the ground and cry out how she was utterly unworthy of being in your family and that she was worthless compared to the blessed, perfect angel that was your mother.

Look, this is supposed to be some sort of tragic look into Anita’s psyche and we’re supposed to feel sorry for her, but all I hear is the embittered whine of a small child.

WAAA WAAAA SOMEONE REPLACED MY MOTHER AND DIDN’T PAY ME ATTENTION WAAAAAA

I can feel sympathy for her situation. I remember when my mum started dating my stepdad. I was horribly jealous of the attention he got from my mother and hated him for being where I saw my dad should be. But I got over it. I realised that I was just angry and upset from the separation of my parents and was transferring it onto Paul. We get along great now. I was an angry child, but I got over it a long time ago. Admittedly, my father didn’t die so the comparison falls a little short, but she’s twenty four. She needs to grow up.

JC then worms into the situation by saying how he’s never desired another woman the way he desires her. He kisses her, but Anita says no. JC then whines and pouts about how he’s been good for so long and how it’s unbearable to want her and be denied. Honestly, they’re kind of perfect for each other. They both have the same level of maturity.

He says that he loves her, and that she obviously doesn’t love Richard as she hasn’t asked JC to leave them alone.

“Last time we had this talk, you said you’d kill Richard.”

“If that is all that is stopping you, ma petite, have no fear. I will not kill Richard merely because you go to his bed and not mine.”

ARGHH

ARTGHOFLKFDKJSDF[SFRSDFFSDFFFF

YOU COCKY COCK MOTHERSUCKER LORD OF COCK

And you decided to not tell Anita that you’ve very generously stopped blackmailing here because…

JC is supporting Richard, so he can’t kill him now. How very convenient.

Well, he says that killing Richard would hurt Anita, so he’s not going to do it. Whatever. He then wheedles about how Richard is totes bad and I just want to slap him. Jason has been telling him of what Anita and Richard have been doing and how it’s not fair that he did that and JC can’t.

“But have no fear. Forcing myself upon you in such a way would smack of rape. I have never been interested in such things.”

That sounds like a defence against criticism levied about how blackmailing a woman into sex is rape.

JC then proves his words by backing her into a corner, forcing her to kiss him, and saying how much she doesn’t love Richard. This doesn’t read as sexual assault AT ALL.

Then Richard walks in. Remind me, why hasn’t he left Anita? I’d have left her by now. Then, I’d be a bit confused as to how we got together.

Richard is a bit wolfy as the full moon is tomorrow and this is the very worst time to catch his girlfriend in the arms of her abuser. Hmm.

Anita promises that nothing happened, and that JC doesn’t even know what kind of hosiery she’s got on. JC then makes comments about how she’s obviously wearing crotchless tights.

Are crotchless tights even a thing?

Yes, they would appear to be, although I have no idea why. Just wear stockings and a garter belt, I don’t see the point in having a pair of tights with a small hole in the crotch unless you are in the sex industry.

JC then leans back and plays with his nipples. Unsurprisingly, this does not help with Richard’s anger. Anita begs Richard to not do anything stupid but Richard leaps upon JC to stop him from groping himself. Anita tries to stop him but is thrown accidentally across the room, so, naturally reaches for a knife. Yes. The perfect way to stop your boyfriends brawling. She cuts open her hand and starts screaming at Richard about how he hurt her so badly and that he shouldn’t even touch her.

None of this is Richard’s fault. This is JC’s fault entirely. Why aren’t you screaming at him?

JC sleazes over and says how sorry he is about it and fusses over her. I see what you’re doing. It’s repugnant. JC admits he was teasing, but in a way to suggest that it’s all Richard’s fault for being a nasty little werewolf. Richard is forced to make a grovelling apology but Anita is decent enough to say that JC has staged this to drive a wedge between them. She throws JC out. Not before he demands that Richard and Anita not have sex.

I really hate JC. I really hate him. I want to chop him into little pieces with a crochet hook.

Richard starts getting Anita’s bags, while Anita thinks that JC would never have dared to hurt her and how Richard could have killed her.

Anita, you were shoved a bit and you slit open your own hand. JC keeps trying to rape you. Get a little perspective.