Well, it’s been a while. My last post on this blog was made way back in October.

I wasn’t very well in October. To put it mildly, I was in the worst depressive spiral I’ve ever been in. I really wasn’t handling losing my father – at all. I was miserable, isolated, and wishing I was dead every single day. I didn’t know how I was ever going to get better. I didn’t see a future where I could possibly be better. The pain of my loss was so intense that I felt it would devour me with it.

But I have gotten better.

I sat down with myself and thought that I just couldn’t go on any more. I couldn’t force myself to feel this much pain any more. I realised just how much I needed help – so I got it. I forced myself to go to group therapy, to go back on anti-depressants, to go out and meet people, to go to counselling. I am working to rebuild myself, to rebuild my armour, make myself a stronger person, and to fix the hole that the loss of my father punched into me.

I am not 100% better. But I am 100% better than where I was.

I don’t know whether I’ll be posting again soon. I do miss Anita – but I’m not sure I miss how negative Anita is. Going through LKH’s bullshit is hilarious but exhausting, and I’ve got my own problems to deal with.

Dottie xx

So Long and Thanks For All The Fish

It was my Dad’s funeral yesterday. It felt like closure, in part, but I still think that I’m going to get a text from him at any minute, complaining about something, telling me about his day, wanting to make sure I’m okay. I miss his hugs.

He was helped in the end by a local charity called Treetops Hospice. I’m hoping to do some fund-raising for them in the future – when I’m in a better head space – but I’ll post a link in case anyone would like to make any donations. My Dad wanted people to donate money to them in his memory, so I’ll pimp the link as much as I can. They’re great people, they really made things so much better for him.

I’ll hopefully get back to posting properly soon.

Dottie x

Personal update

Hey guys,

My update schedule has been terrible since last September. I’ve dropped from posting mostly everyday to barely posting at all, and most of you know why. I told you all that a relative developed a serious illness last year and I was too distracted to focus on the blog as well.

At the beginning of this month, I learnt that my father’s cancer is terminal. It is very likely that he will die in a few months. I had no desire to talk about it publicly before now because my father has always been private and because I hoped that his cancer would go into remission, and I could just forget all about this. It would be just this thing that had happened to my family once, and it wouldn’t have to be something I’d ever have to think about again.

But now it’s something that will always be part of our family’s history. It will have to be something that I think about with each passing day, with each passing moment. Whenever and wherever I go in my life, whether I marry, whether I have children, whether I ever live the dream and become the totes bigshot author with the book deal and the film rights and the huge cult following, I will have to do this all without my father supporting me and getting to see me grow and be happy. Contemplating a life without my dad is impossible, unthinkable – if you were to ever meet my Dad, you would understand exactly why I am the way I am. We have the same sense of humour, the same need to critique and pull things apart, the same stubbornness; in our own way, we have the same seam of melancholy inside us and the same way of seeing the world around us. (Apart from evolution, surprisingly. We always fight about that!)

I am coping as well as can be expected. We are all coping as well as can be expected. I guess I just need to try and talk about it more. My mental state is not great, but I’m trying to keep as strong as I can. It’s not something you ever get prepared for, really. It’s something that happens to us all, but you never expect it until the worst happens.

I’ll try and get to trashing Anita Blake soon. I find it therapeutic and a lot of fun, which is something I do need right now. I’m trying to get more productive (because I haven’t done anything since I found out) and try to get some sleep (which, again, I haven’t really done since I found out).

Until then, go and educate yourselves on bowel cancer. It’s the third most common cancer, and it doesn’t get much attention. It can be very aggressive in the under fifties. Help raise awareness. Donate if you can to any local charities. That’s all I am going to say for now. Anything else and this will descend into a blubbery mess of not-words.

Dottie x

Crimbo Time

I’m going to be away at Le Papa Smith’s over Christmas Day, so I’m not sure when I’ll next have t’internet. So, to all my lovely readers, followers, commenters, leerers, drive-by readers, and everyone who enjoys my weirdness, my obsession with butts, and my really lax militant asexuality, I want to wish you a most excellent Crimbo time, a super smashing New Year’s, and hope you have a totally brill holiday. It’s been a really hard year for me, but you all have helped me get to another day. Laughing at bad fiction with you is really fun, so let’s hope we can keep the snark up for another year!

PS It looks like the blog is set to break a new stats record and reach over 100,000 hits by the end of the year. That’s rather cool. I might have to get swish adverts and shit.

Dottie xx


Hey guys,

I know I’ve been away for a while. I can’t really go into specifics – it’s not something I really want to share on teh interwbs – but a member of my family is seriously ill. I don’t really have the emotional energy or time to blog about Anita right now.

Dottie x