I was feeling rather ill when I complied my notes so they are not up to my usual standards. My fashion section is going to be a lot shorter than usual, but rest assured that I found the episode to be full of the usual level of weirdness.
“Truth and Justice”
The Pope’s legate Cardinal Lorenzo Campeggio arrives to hear the case for King Henry VIII’s divorce from Katherine of Aragon. Cardinal Wolsey intimidates Campeggio: “Let me make certain things plain to you. If you do not grant the King his divorce, papal authority in England will be annihilated!” Wolsey has assured Henry that the divorce will be granted, but the Pope and Campeggio are not so easily swayed. A desperate Wolsey begs Queen Katherine to abdicate the marriage, but she ultimately refuses. Wolsey’s enemies circle; Anne Boleyn plants more doubt in Henry’s mind about Wolsey, who soon threatens Campeggio both physically and politically. A Legatine Court convenes at Blackfriar’s Church, and both Henry and Katherine plead their cases.
Most of the episode is very solidly focused on the build up to the trial at Blackfriars, so there’s not a lot of sideplots this week. There’s a little going on in some side characters, but the focus is rightly on the ongoing drama with Henry and Katherine.
- Thomas Tallis
- Charles and Mary
Real People, Real Stories, This is Judge Campeggio
The episode opens with Henry and Katherine sitting down for a portrait together, which is kind of bizarre because everyone knows they’re splitting up. Portraits take a long time so… why are you getting this portrait done, Henry? What’s the point?
Campeggio arrives in England and is not too enthused by the prospect of actually making a judgement on the case. It’s pretty clear that he’s been told to delay the trial until Henry gets frustrated and fed up, and Wolsey picks it up. He screams and threatens Campeggio that he will be ANNIHILATED – I mean, that papal authority in England will be annihilated, and may switch over to the new reformed faiths.
Campeggio talks to Henry and suggests that like the wife of Louis XII (who I mentioned last week, coincidentally) was persuaded to join a convent, Katherine might take the same path. Joan actually founded a very famous order, Order of the Sisters of the Annunciation of Mary (that still exist), and is a saint, so there are worse fates available for Katherine. Katherine is very pious, so Henry is positive, but Wolsey is a little bit more apprehensive.
Wolsey goes and begs on his knees for Katherine to take the offer and have everything over and done with. Katherine is, ha de ha, having nun of it.
Things are definitely awkward in the royal household. Let’s take a minute to talk about Tudor food! For a start, Tudor food didn’t come in courses. Now, we have three to five courses, but this is actually a Russian idea from the nineteenth century. For Henry, everything would be served at once. There would be a selection of dishes presented for the King and Queen in private dining, both sweet and savoury, and they would select from them. There were no forks – you would eat with a spoon, knife, and your fingers, with a napkin on your shoulder to wipe. This amount of fresh fruit is doubtful, as many fresh fruits were considered either medicinal or dangerous in their natural forms (although how widespread this idea was I find dubious, as I’m pretty sure that people still ate frickin’ apples and strawberries as is).
For a more comedic and slightly more detailed look at eating styles in the sixteenth century, the Supersizers go Elizabethan is a pretty good look at it.
Away from all the main drama, Cromwell has found a way to smuggle The Obedience of the Christian Man by William Tyndale to Anne. It advocates that the king of a country was the head of that country’s church, rather than the Pope, and is the first instance in the English language of advocating the divine right of kings.
I’m very annoyed by this. Anne Boleyn is remarkable and well-known for her intelligence and interest in theological and philosophical writings of the sixteenth century. She was highly educated and she is known (maybe falsely, maybe not) for introducing Henry to thought and works that led to the English Reformation. But LOL no Anne had to be led into this by Cromwell because silly wimmins can’t think for themselves!
Wolsey is now straight up attacking people in corridors, and has to reveal the news that the Pope would let Anne’s children be legitimised, but no marriage for Henry.
Meanwhile, Henry and Katherine must live out their normal lives. It’s weird and awkward and Henry has the nerve to call Katherine ‘heartless and selfish’. Dude, low blow.
Especially when you spend the next day frolicking in bed with your girlfriend. While Henry is otherwise engaged, Anne suggests that Wolsey might be working against him and POOF! That’s it. That’s all it took. No grand manipulations, no working at it, she just suggests it and Henry is immediately suspicious.
I think Wolsey might be evil, Charles, because my girlfriend said so when I had my head in her crotch.
Arguments and defence teams are being drawn up. Bishop Fisher is standing with Katherine, saying that the length of the marriage invalidates the invalid dispensation and that the Pope should just issue another one. For Henry, Francis I suggests that Henry take a more active role and dispense with Wolsey’s help altogether. After all, the Kings of France had free investiture and a lot more power over the authority of the church in their realm.
While Wolsey continues to lose his shit and randomly attack people all over the shop, the secret cabal against Wolsey plans their winning move. They’re going to release an inflammatory pamphlet!
It’s finally court day, and it’s a very rowdy day. The citizens of London are out in force and they’re very vocal in their OOOOOHS and AAAAAAHHHSSS. Also, we don’t use gavels in England. We just don’t have ’em.
Henry opens up proceedings with the fact that all the churchmen of England agree that the marriage is invalid and have written a petition and arguments saying so. After all, it’s not him arguing for an annulment – it’s the people of England!
Katherine, on the other hand, appeals directly to the heart. This really happened; other than arguing to the judges, she went on her knees before Henry and made an emotional plea to him on the basis of twenty years of marriage. Then she swept out of the court room like a true bad b*itch and refused to come back as the court was invalid.
Because they changed a few words around in the speech (mostly to cast shade at Wolsey for being evil), here’s what Katherine said. Her speech was recorded and replicated, most notably in Shakespeare’s Henry VIII. It’s the only thing of worth from that play.
“Sir, I beseech you for all the love that hath been between us, and for the love of God, let me have justice. Take of me some pity and compassion, for I am a poor woman, and a stranger born out of your dominion. I have here no assured friends, and much less impartial counsel…
Alas! Sir, wherein have I offended you, or what occasion of displeasure have I deserved?… I have been to you a true, humble and obedient wife, ever comfortable to your will and pleasure, that never said or did any thing to the contrary thereof, being always well pleased and contented with all things wherein you had any delight or dalliance, whether it were in little or much. I never grudged in word or countenance, or showed a visage or spark of discontent. I loved all those whom ye loved, only for your sake, whether I had cause or no, and whether they were my friends or enemies. This twenty years or more I have been your true wife and by me ye have had divers children, although it hath pleased God to call them out of this world, which hath been no default in me…
When ye had me at first, I take God to my judge, I was a true maid, without touch of man. And whether it be true or no, I put it to your conscience. If there be any just cause by the law that ye can allege against me either of dishonesty or any other impediment to banish and put me from you, I am well content to depart to my great shame and dishonour. And if there be none, then here, I most lowly beseech you, let me remain in my former estate… Therefore, I most humbly require you, in the way of charity and for the love of God – who is the just judge – to spare me the extremity of this new court, until I may be advised what way and order my friends in Spain will advise me to take. And if ye will not extend to me so much impartial favour, your pleasure then be fulfilled, and to God I commit my cause!”
And Henry is now fully against Wolsey. Like a shifty eyed dog.
I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghost
Thomas Tallis is determined to marry one of the Fucking Girls. I don’t know why.
The only problem is that she’s insane and sees the image of her dead sister following her. I have no idea why this storyline is happening.
Keeping Up With the Brandons
Mary and Charles live in squalor and misery because Charles keeps sleeping around. Mary hates him and hates going to court because she doesn’t approve of Anne and Henry. Charles hates Wolsey because he was told to. This storyline is really going well, I see.
Charles outright asks the Queen of France (Claude is dead, guys, she’s really dead by this point) to sleep with him. Yeah, because that would happen. She turns him down because his soul is dead or something.
The Puffed Sleeves – They’re Severe Up In Here.
Yas, short trunks! Yas! There’s far too many long trunks in this show.
I like the bodice, but the hat, sleeves, and flatness of the skirt makes me think seventeenth/eighteenth century rather than sixteenth. I don’t like the dress, but it’s so generic ‘this is historical’ that it doesn’t really belong to any period.
Ah, Mary, my sister, how was the English Civil War? I see you brought an outfit back from the 1650s.
Stop sniffing her. It’s weird.
I don’t think this outfit is particularly accurate, but I really like it. There’s something very militaristic, very uniform like, that works as armour that reflects Katherine’s feelings of being attacked and needing to defend herself. It’s a classy highclass outfit that definitely sets her aside from Anne and her ilk.
Claude is dead and so is her fashion sense.
Starched ruffs aren’t going to be a thing for another thirty years or so. Wolsey, attack that man as a time invader!
TRUMPET SLEEVES! AT LAST! AT LAST KATHERINE LOOKS LIKE A TRUE AND ACCURATE QUEEN!
And that’s it for this week. Come back next time for more historical shenanigans.