Well, it’s been a while. My last post on this blog was made way back in October.
I wasn’t very well in October. To put it mildly, I was in the worst depressive spiral I’ve ever been in. I really wasn’t handling losing my father – at all. I was miserable, isolated, and wishing I was dead every single day. I didn’t know how I was ever going to get better. I didn’t see a future where I could possibly be better. The pain of my loss was so intense that I felt it would devour me with it.
But I have gotten better.
I sat down with myself and thought that I just couldn’t go on any more. I couldn’t force myself to feel this much pain any more. I realised just how much I needed help – so I got it. I forced myself to go to group therapy, to go back on anti-depressants, to go out and meet people, to go to counselling. I am working to rebuild myself, to rebuild my armour, make myself a stronger person, and to fix the hole that the loss of my father punched into me.
I am not 100% better. But I am 100% better than where I was.
I don’t know whether I’ll be posting again soon. I do miss Anita – but I’m not sure I miss how negative Anita is. Going through LKH’s bullshit is hilarious but exhausting, and I’ve got my own problems to deal with.