Well, it’s been a while. My last post on this blog was made way back in October.

I wasn’t very well in October. To put it mildly, I was in the worst depressive spiral I’ve ever been in. I really wasn’t handling losing my father – at all. I was miserable, isolated, and wishing I was dead every single day. I didn’t know how I was ever going to get better. I didn’t see a future where I could possibly be better. The pain of my loss was so intense that I felt it would devour me with it.

But I have gotten better.

I sat down with myself and thought that I just couldn’t go on any more. I couldn’t force myself to feel this much pain any more. I realised just how much I needed help – so I got it. I forced myself to go to group therapy, to go back on anti-depressants, to go out and meet people, to go to counselling. I am working to rebuild myself, to rebuild my armour, make myself a stronger person, and to fix the hole that the loss of my father punched into me.

I am not 100% better. But I am 100% better than where I was.

I don’t know whether I’ll be posting again soon. I do miss Anita – but I’m not sure I miss how negative Anita is. Going through LKH’s bullshit is hilarious but exhausting, and I’ve got my own problems to deal with.

Dottie xx


8 thoughts on “Update

  1. You’re my hero. Really. I’m such a coward in times when reality rise it’s ugly head, I just fail to imaging what such a great loss will do to me. I think it will crash me – and that’s all, folks. But you – you can make it, you’ve already made progress! I’m so happy to see your post again!…)
    Hope you’ll get better sooner…) Take you’re time, dear…))

    And sorry for my awful english ;w; Again TwT

    • Never feel that you have to say sorry if you struggle with English – your English is great!

      It’s really hard to be brave. All you can do is take every single day as it comes – wake up, take the day, go to bed, and start fresh the next morning. There are good days and bad days – I just have to keep focused on the good over the bad!

  2. Thank you for the update. It’s fantastic to hear that you’re doing better. I’m a long time reader of your blog and I’m looking forward to reading your next Anita review.

  3. Good to hear from you again. I don’t speak for everyone but I think it’s safe to say we were a bit concerned about your status. So take as long a break as you need. Your wellbeing supersedes that of sporking crud!

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