The Halloween theme continued into the reception hall. Orange and black crepe paper streamers dangled everywhere; cardboard skeletons, rubber bats, and paper ghosts floated overhead. There was a fake spiderweb against one wall big enough to hang someone from. The table centerpieces were realistic-looking jack-o-lanterns with flickering electric grins.
OK, that all sounds pretty cute and fun. How is this going to get ruined?
The fake skeleton were long enough to be a hazard to anyone much taller than I was.
Of course. Absolutely everything has to relate to something directly about Anita. There was me thinking that SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING might be able to happen without being all about Anita.
Which meant most guests were having the tops of their hair brushed by little cardboard skeleton toes. Unfortunately, Tammy was 5’8″ without heels, with heels she got her veil tangled with the decorations. The bridesmaids finally got Tammy’s veil unhooked from the skeletal toes, but it ruined the entrance for the bride and groom.
Because fuck that tall bitch ammirite
If Tammy had wanted the decorations to be safe for the tall people, she shouldn’t have left it to Larry and his brothers. There wasn’t a one of them over 5’6″. Don’t blame me. Groomsman or not, I hadn’t helped decorate the hall. It was not my fault.
Well, I kind of got that impression when you said Larry and his brothers did the decorating. Saying that makes me think you just watched, happy in the knowledge that this was going to fuck with Tammy.
Anita then just stands around, watching Jessica Arnet go talk to Nathaniel and ‘lean’ on him. She then comes over so the pair of them sit at the wedding table – everyone, bride, groom, groomsmen and bridesmaids are sat in their appropriate church order.
Jessica leaned over close enough that her perfume was sweet and a little too much.
’cause she’s a whore ammirite
Jessica asks if Nathaniel lives with Anita, and Anita confirms this. She doesn’t mention that Nathaniel just forced his way in and demanded that Anita take care of his every need, though. I think that’d put anyone off being around him. Jessica reports that Nathaniel did not confirm whether he’s Anita’s boyfriend, just that he sleeps in her bed.
I was struck again by how lovely she was, and felt stupid for not noticing sooner. But I didn’t notice girls, I notice boys. So sue me, I was heterosexual.
- Anita, you didn’t notice because you hate other women. Don’t try and hide that.
- I’m interested in men, but I can still notice that other women are attractive. It has nothing to do with my sexual orientation.
- Oh, so Anita can go on about being totally straight, but it’s homophobic when Richard (apparently) does it?
- Also, Anita, it sounds as if you’re running around going ‘I’M ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVENTY MILLION PERCENT STRAIGHT Y’ALL’ and protesting far, far too much.
- If you’re protesting about how straight you are, don’t identify yourself as being straight in the past tense.
Jessica asks her straight out if Anita’s going out with Nathaniel and totally blunt with how they all should have let her know earlier. Anita herpderps and just says that Nathaniel sleeps in her bed because she’s scared of getting in trouble or something. Jessica starts to get a bit frustrated, wanting a straight (lol) answer on whether they’re fucking, but Anita is afraid that if she says yes, her reputation will be ruined.
Uh, Anita? You brought two dates to a wedding, and made out/breathed all over them right outside the church, in the background of the ACTUAL WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHS.
There’s no point in clutching your pearls and worrying now. You’ve been pretty open about it and I’m fairly sure that everyone is already aware that you are fucking both Micah and Nathaniel.
She then considers just giving Nathaniel to Jessica, because she thinks he needs a real girlfriend and a social circle. Right. Let’s continue treating someone like a pet to be handed around.
Anita’s mobile then goes off. It’s Dolph with RPIT with a case. How lucky. Anita thinks on how she made the Storr family have a meal together, and Dolph’s a lot better now that his son’s not going to be a vampire any more.
His voice was brisk, almost normal, “Anita?”
“Yeah,” I whispered, cupping the phone with my hand. It wasn’t like every cop in the place, which was most of the guests, wasn’t wondering who I was talking to, and why.
I have literally no idea what she’s trying to say here. The double negative is really throwing me off here.
Also, I’d like to point out that not only is Anita at the top table, I’m fairly sure there are still speeches happening? Jesus Christ woman, go out of the room and take the call. Don’t be so rude at your friend’s wedding! Go outside and take the call!
Dolph says he needs her at a strip club and LKH is so lazy she can’t be bothered to give it a name. It’s just in the generic ‘strip club area’. He hangs up, and Anita makes to leave. She’s happy there’s a murder because now she doesn’t have to dance with anyone.
Wow. That’s not a horrible thing to say. THANK YOU ANONYMOUS STRIPPER FOR BEING MURDERED SO THAT I CAN AVOID SPENDING TIME AT MY FRIEND’S WEDDING.
What a shitty thing to think.