A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter sixty


Jason and Jamil stayed in human form, while Norman and Patricia stayed in wolf form.

Who the fuck are Norman and Patricia? Anita doesn’t seem to know either, although she valiantly says she knows Norman’s face but she has no idea who Patricia is. Patricia is just an animal to her, presumably because she is a woman. Anita gives the wolves some of Van Anders’s clothing and they instantly find Van Anders.

LKH, how can you write so many books and yet completely miss the point of what narrative structure means for your plot? What about tension? A earned resolution and climax? You can’t just wave your hands and instantly solve ONE OF THE MAJOR ONGOING PLOTS IN YOUR NOVEL.

The police had been watching the airports, the bus stations, the highways. Van Anders was sitting in the freaking food court of Eastfield mall. He’d piled his hair up under a billed cap and added a cheap pair of sunglasses.

Ok, so Van Anders went to the Bucky Barnes school of disguise. Plus, ‘billed cap’? That is the stupidest fucking description I’d ever heard for a baseball cap.

I was wearing a billed cap with my hair up under it, and sunglasses. I hate it when the bad guys copy. I was also wearing a baggy T-shirt, and baggy jeans with my Nikes. Short as I was, I looked like a thousand teenagers wandering any mall in America.

Anita’s street yo. Although considering her massive balloon jugs and that she’s meant to be stacked with muscle like the Hulk, I highly doubt anyone is going to be mistaking her for a teenager. Plus, Anita, you are the average height for a woman. You’re not that short.

I’d deputized Jamil and Jason.

Reason bazillion and one why no one should have let Anita be a marshal.

I’d made the decision that we wouldn’t call the police, and we wouldn’t try to evacuate. I had a court order of execution. I didn’t have to give him a warning. I didn’t have to do anything but kill him.

What.

  • You should probably let the police know about the dangerous and violent criminal in the mall. Before he decides to take a hostage or starts murdering people so he can throw their bodies at Anita and her crew.
  • Werewolves get freakishly horny and angry around blood and dead people. Sure, unleash four uncontrollable creatures with super-human strength into a tightly confined area full of people.
  • The evacuation order is for the safety of employees and customers. It’s so you don’t ACCIDENTALLY SHOT AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER IN THE HEAD.
  • You might not have to give Van Anders a warning, but you should probably warn the families shopping with their children that they might have to witness a violent death or that they might get shot in the head.
  • I’m sure the owners of the mall are going to be so pleased that this is going to happen in their premises without being told. I’m sure they’re going to be so overjoyed when everyone in St Louis refuses to return and when they’re forced to go out of business. I’m sure the city will be happy when so many people will be unemployed because you couldn’t be bothered to be a decent human being and a decent federal employee.

It was mid-afternoon, so the food court wasn’t too busy. That was good. There was a group of teenagers at the table nearest Van Anders. Why weren’t they in school?

Because it’s like four in the afternoon? School has finished?

At the table next-closest to him was a mother with a baby in a stroller and two toddlers. Two toddlers, neither of them in baby seats, but running free, while she tried to help the baby eat soft-serve yoghurt.

Guess you should have fucking called ahead or involved the police then. Because those children are about to die.

I wasn’t willing to let him escape again. He was too dangerous. I made the decision in that moment that I would endanger all these nice people. That the mother with her yoghurt-smeared baby, and the two screaming toddlers were going to have to take their chances.

This is what LKH thinks is heroic and acceptable in a person. Not giving a shit about potentially shooting a baby in the head to justify some bullshit. She also threatens to kill people if they attempt to defend or save Van Anders – bearing in mind that no one knows that she’s a US Marshal and that she’s legally allowed to kill him.

Anita sneaks up on him and shoots him in the back. He says that the police have to give a warning, but Anita shoves her gun into his forehead, brags about being the executioner (which, as a title, should be capitalised), and then shoots his brains out in front of a crowd which includes very small children.

I’m not putting out a call for bets that Anita never faces a single repercussion or consequence for this because that’s a suckers bet.

I hate Anita Blake. She is an awful person. Fuck her and fuck people who think this is okay.

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6 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter sixty

  1. The further along I got in this series, the more I was/am convinced that Jean-Claude is spending at least half the money his ‘company’ makes on settling out of court, and making very nice contributions to the Mayor/Senator/Head of Police campaign fund. So I am a little appeased at the thought that those toddlers now have very nice college funds waiting for them and will have epic birthday parties for the rest of their mentally scarred lives.

  2. Not that it’s entirely the same, but the whole “mall going out of business due to shooting” is basically similar to what happened to the mall near me about fifteen years ago, no lie. Except in our case, it was some crazy bastard who stabbed his wife in the parking lot. But it pretty effectively scared off everyone after that, business dwindled, and not only the mall closed, but the area around it effectively became “ghetto.” So could Anita’s actions basically doom an entire area due to fear and “white flight”? Yep. St. Louis probably just lost a mall.

    • You know, it’d be interesting if that was presented as a lasting consequence of her actions – that she ruined an area of the city through her being a terrible person. But I guess responsibilities will never happen to Anita.

  3. “I’d deputized Jamil and Jason.”

    Ah, more of that crap. Because deputizing your thugs automatically makes anything they do acceptable. Sure.

    “I’d made the decision that we wouldn’t call the police, and we wouldn’t try to evacuate. I had a court order of execution. I didn’t have to give him a warning. I didn’t have to do anything but kill him[…]

    There was a group of teenagers at the table nearest Van Anders[…]

    At the table next to him was a mother with a baby in a stroller and two toddlers[…]

    I made the decision in that moment that I would endanger all these nice people. That the mother with her yoghurt-smeared baby, and the two screaming toddlers were going to have to take their chances.”

    Yeah, Anita’s a fucking sociopath. She knows what this guy can do – she’s seen it with her own eyes. And yet she’s not at all concerned about the lives of *any* of these people, because she can just blow Van Anders’s brains out right there, with absolutely no consequences (not that there would be any regardless), and that’s the only thing that matters.

    “He says that the police have to give a warning, but Anita shoves her gun into his forehead, brags about being the executioner (which, as a title, should be capitalised), and then shoots his brains out in front of a crowd which includes very small children.”

    Well, big surprise there – the plot that’s only re-surfaced a few chapters back gets resolved with almost no effort on the part of the heroes. Because we had to spend way too many chapters having a dinner party with a bunch of vampires for no apparent reason.

    • Hey, if she warns people then…. um, I have no idea why she’s so desperate to kill children, it’s seriously fucking disgusting.

      That dinner party was like the entire middle of the book. The entire middle. Oh my god, it was all dinner party.

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