A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter fifty five

Sorry for the break in posts – again. Life has been pretty tough lately.

Plus I moved house. To a much nicer apartment in a nicer part of town. It is 100% better than my last past. I have a proper kitchen and bedroom now, it’s so much excite.

Right, back to the story that goes fucking nowhere because writing is hard :(. Look, I get that writing is hard. I GET IT. But if you don’t have an idea for a novel, then don’t write one. Write a book of short stories or something.

Bradford Bradley has brought a CLUE. It’s a convenient picture of the two dead women meeting up with the man who was described as being the last person to see them alive. He apparently didn’t even need a warrant, and everyone at the shop which provided the CCTV footage was supremely super helpful.

Hmmm. Hmmmm.

Anyway, Bradford/Bradley says this will be a joint operation between the police and the FBI, which Anita is dubious about.

Last time we’d talked, his little division had been in jeopardy of being disbanded, and their cases given back to the Investigative Support – read Serial Killer – Unit.

Yeah, why the fuck would the FBI want a specalist unit looking at crimes committed by vampires and werewolves? That’s just silly talk!

Everyone in the Anita Blake universe is bug fucked in the brain.

[Bradley] felt strongly that the feds needed one.

It’s almost like every single vampire and werewolf in this universe is a mass murdering rapist asshat or something.

Anita looks at the pictures and then there’s a call from that female detective Anita hated because she had a vagina. Anyway, the bodyguards from the very beginning of the book are involved somehow, and the dude in the convenient CCTV is connected to the white power aryan terrorists.

I have literally no idea how this solution is going to make any damn sense.

Anita then calls Detective O’Brien a bitch because…. um…. Anita can only feel that she’s a strong, independent woman when she’s denigrating other women. And everyone pulls ‘cop face’ and promises O’Brien will pay for her heinous crime of vagina ownership.

You know, there’s a LKH author event in London this year. I am so tempted to go there and try and find out exactly which woman pissed in her cornflakes and scarred her for life.

Anyway, Bradley/Bradford is here because these murders are similar to others that have happened in vague other countries. Does the FBI even cover crimes like that? Wouldn’t the CIA or Interpol be involved in that?

Plus they are going to let the terrorists go because eh, it’s best to let other countries deal with that shit.

I hereby rechristen this book as ‘I couldn’t give a fuck here’s some words I slapped together’.

Anita decides that the man who was crucified was actually involved somehow. This was an execution and all those women were murdered and raped and mutilated to hide the execution.

LKH, I hate to break it to you, but people who kill other people for a living? Do it in a way so they DON’T GET FUCKING NOTICED. Why would you kill a bunch of women in horrific ways to ‘hide’ a crime? That’s going to bring in AS MUCH ATTENTION AS POSSIBLE. Just shoot the guy and leave town. Don’t make a huge song and dance about it. For all that LKH goes on about all her cop friends and her super duper research skills, she apparently knows nothing about how criminals actually work and operate. Or how humans think.

Anita then brings up that hitman from the first part of the book and wonders if he’s involved somehow.

Isn’t this a finely crafted masterwork of crime fiction? It certainly doesn’t make me want to slam my head into a wall.

Zerbrowski yelled from downstairs. “Anita, yo, we’re out of here.”

Zerbrowski is a thirty something year old who has never used slang before. His use of ‘yo’ is incredibly jarring. It doesn’t fit with his language. Look, I sometimes say ‘yo’. I do, I’ll admit it. I generally use it when I’m being a wiseass or when I’m goofing with friends. Zerbrowski doesn’t goof with friends in that way – this doesn’t fit with his established patterns of behaviour.

I just find the yo really fucking weird okay

Anita then gives Bradley her number. That was incredibly important to know. For reasons, yo.


8 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter fifty five

  1. Vampires have already taken over America, and they are trying their best to prevent any kind of competent investigative force being put together. This is the only explanation.

    • It’s the single group of intelligent vampires, although I have no idea why they’d protect JC and his ilk. Perhaps to lead them towards some sort of Hunger Games style scenario.

      • Maybe they just find JC amusing. Aww, look, he thinks he’s manipulative, isn’t it cute. Or maybe a distraction; of course all vampires are either sexy and stupid or vicious and stupid or both. There’s no way vampires can be running the country- everyone knows all vampires are morons!

      • ‘I can’t stop this from happening – I’m just too drunk’. They’re all like ennui filled Gatsby types, just doing it for shits and giggles.

  2. LKH was raised by aliens, off-planet. It’s the only way she could have gotten to be over 50 years old and still not have a clue how humans act.

    BTW, I do say “Yo”. But I’m from Philly.

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