A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter fifty four


My copy of Incubus Dreams arrived today. It has eighty two chapters. It is nearly 900 pages of pure and utter wank.

all the yays

Joys.

The blood closed up around the plastic bootie, not quite close to the top of it, not quite rolling over onto my shoe, but close.

You use too many words.

Even through the plastic, through my shoe, I could feel that the blood was cool. Not cold, but cool.

Well, it’s not hot fudge sauce, is it. Actually, I’m surprised no one is pointing out that the blood isn’t starting to clot. I know that it’s in huge qualities, so it might be hard, but there should be some clots. Is no one pointing that out as strange? Just me?

Sometimes my imagination is not at asset at a crime scene.

Neither is your presence.

There’s long paragraphs about Anita edging forwards so she doesn’t slip over which are horrendously overwritten.

I looked down at the water.

It was like some kind of red soup. I knew it was mostly water, but the color… I kept thinking of the cups you use to dye Easter eggs. It looked like a great big cup for dyeing Easter eggs, and just like sometimes happened if you didn’t get the mix right, it wasn’t exactly red, or pink, but both.

I don’t think clotting blood looks like pink dye. Look, this is going to be slightly gross, but fuck it: most cis women see a lot of clotting blood in their lifetimes. A loooooot. And it has never looked like pink dye to me. It’s not a comparison I would ever make, not only because it downplays the horror of seeing a room full of a lake of blood but it also doesn’t work because BLOOD DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THAT.

Zerbrowski goes on about how all the other cops and forensic techs can’t handle the supreme intensity of this crime scene. Whatever, stop making Anita into a super speshul snowflake. He asks whether it’s a shapeshifter or not, but Anita goes on about how two serial killers can kill more people than just one.

Anita shoves her arm into the bath tub (I guess this is another bathroom?) even though she has just hand gloves on, so she is undoubtedly contaminating more evidence, and then pulls out a woman’s arm. There’s another piece of bone in there, so surely this is two bodies that have been partially eaten.

You’re basing this idea on finding an arm and a piece of bone. Is this deduction based on Anita’s ‘intellect’ or because the author knows what’s going to happen? Hmmm?

Merlioni returns (I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that the name is similar to one of the actors from Law & Order SUV. Watching TV does not count as thorough research) and they all laugh about how Anita put her hand in the tub like they bet. Tee hee hee isn’t a serial killer butchering women so funny? Tee hee!

laser anger eyes

Sorry, I guess I just don’t find violence against women that amusing.

There’s a witness to the fact that the two women in the house were seen entering with an unknown man. They were drunk. GASP – OMG WHAT SKANKS. Anyway, the overflow valve in the tub is blocked with human goo and Merlioni laments that he lost his bet that Anita would throw up but Zerbrowski won a ton of money that Anita would go fish.

Then Bradley Bradford appears. You know, that FBI agent from Obsidian Butterfly that I got confused about because LKH used the names Bradley and Bradford interchangeably? Well, this clears that up. LKH realised her mistake and gave him an incredibly stupid and unwieldy name to cover her mistake.

At least she’s noticing some mistakes? That’s, uh, good. Now, can you go back and fix everything I ever pointed out? KKTHNXBYE.

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