A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter forty five

OK, seventeen chapters left, at least five different subplots are running around, and I highly doubt any of them are going to get resolved.

Let’s do this thang. I feel like Rocky getting ready to run up those steps. We’re so close to the send of this snooze-fest!

There was a wall of our black leather-clad bodyguards – wererats, werehyenas, wereleopards – so that we couldn’t see who was making a piteous noise.

It’s me whenever I think about how this series continues to be published.

OK, so the last chapter ended with Anita being told that the evil Paolo is sexually assaulting Nathaniel, so this chapter opens with Stephen being tortured by Valentina.

Did I miss a chapter? Did LKH skip over a chapter? What the hell?

Valentina slid her tiny hand down his waist, to the hips of his white leather pants, and that tore another scream from Stephen’s throat. I suddenly had a clue why the twins were terrified of the children.

Oh, right, that half-assed plot that Stephen and Gregory were abused, because LKH thinks that have dark tragic thinks is a great way to build character development. It’s not. It’s very amateurish, as the abuse adds absolutely nothing to the story. It’s just there, to add depth to paper-thin characters and, in turn, make Anita look better. Anyway, this ‘touching’ is an act that breaks the truce so Anita now swears vengeance. A strange vampire bars the way and he has vague mystic powers.

A strange vampire appears! Anita uses POWER OF RACISM! It’s super effective as making Dottie mad!

He was also one of the few Black vampires I’d ever seen. Some people theorized that the same genetics that made people of African descent immune to malaria also made them less likely to become vampires. He stood there looking at me, with his dark skin still somehow strangely pale, like chocolate ivory. His eyes were golden yellow, and the moment I looked into them, the words not human came to mind.

  • I don’t know whether it’s common to capitalise black when it comes to black people. I don’t think it is in the UK, but is it standard practice in the US?
  • Um, that immunity is caused by sickle cell anaemia. For a start, not all people of African descent have the disease, so whoa, don’t generalise that. And why would a type of anaemia mean that black people can’t become vampires?
  • Oh, oh, that’s such a convenient excuse why LKH doesn’t have many POC in her books. ‘Ah, well, you see, black people can’t become vampires because only mighty whitey is GENETICALLY suited to be a glorious all-powerful creature of the night’.
  • Why the fuck are all of LKH’s POC characters white in some way? Look, having people of mixed-race or ethnicity is great! They don’t often get much representation. But every single POC character is made to be white, as if LKH just can’t stomach having an actual person who is not white.
  • And, right, it’s soooo not racist to have this black vampire be the one who’s strangely ‘non human’.

Stephen and Gregory are screaming, so Anita walks around the vampire. Musette says all this torture is entertainment so Anita shouts out ‘You are a coward, an ugly, child-abusing coward’.

Stephen and Gregory aren’t children. Where did you get the child-abusing thing from? Oh, and the black vampire doesn’t speak any English either, he just stares at Anita. Unfortunate implications – what are those? Anita rushes over to Stephen with Merle and Noah – who the fuck is Noah? – and cuddles him.

“Stephen had been abused as a child. He was used for sex by his own father, and sold to other men,” I said as I moved forward.

Isn’t that Nathaniel’s utterly tragic backstory? I don’t blame you, LKH, all of these characters are forgettable and completely interchangeable.

Valentina starts to freak out in a ‘oh my god what have i done’ kind of way. Despite Musette and her cronies being super way evil, they immediately stop sexually assaulting Stephen and Gregory because how could anyone abuse their children that is so evil and awful they will stop being rapey immediately.

Right. The way evil evil evilly evil vampires just hate child abuse makes total sense with their evil evil evilly evil ways.

If you want to write dark and intense shit, LKH, WRITE DARK AND INTENSE SHIT. You can’t wimp out at the last minute because you can’t stomach it! Christ, you’re such a coward! You go on and on about how dark and messed up your writing is, but it’s pathetic.

Anyway, Musette is pouty as that is her one character action, and Anita notes that ‘physical beauty isn’t enough to make up for sadism’. Funny how you forgive it in the men around you, though. She demands that Musette be arrested because Musette and co broke the rules, which is a perfect time to talk about how brutish and like animals the entire shifter community is because vampires are ‘so civilized’.

Oh, but the wererats can’t do anything because Musette’s animal to call is rats. UH OH. Anyway, there are other shifter bodyguards, and Musette can’t even order the rats to hurt people so… the last three pages were entirely pointless. And now there are vampires with ‘ivory gray skin’ and they are… servants of the sweet dark. Or something. They’re related to Mother of all Darkness, but they’re controlled by BM. They’re also shapeshifters, which is impossible for… reasons.

JC and Asher then launch into a rambly explanation of Mother of All Darkness.

“There is no one that can claim direct descent from her line, but she founded the council of vampires. She began our civilization, gave us rules, so that we were no longer solitary beasts, killing each other on sight.”

So…. MOAD did absolutely nothing then.

Anyway, this means that Anita can put Musette under house arrest because. And the ‘ivory’ vampires (where did the black one go?) are invincible because. ‘No weapon born of man can harm them’. Oh, so a shapeshifter or someone with magic then? So, like, anyone these people will have ever met ever.

Anita shoots one of them in the head and it explodes. Anita aims a gun at Musette’s head and then she’s possessed by BM.

Right. OK. Whatever.


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