A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter thirty five


They’d only been following me for one day, as far as I knew, so why such determination to find out why? One: It’s usually better to know than to not to know when people are following you, and two: I was in a truly foul mood.

They’ve only been following you for a few hours, tops. They followed you down the road to the Circus, where you have remained. It wouldn’t take a genius to follow you, love. Anita thinks about Asher because she’s not sure whether she even loved him in the first place (you didn’t, the two of you never really interacted in any meaningful way) and whether she was wrong to be angry with him (you weren’t). She’s not feeling ‘holier-than-thou’ today, so she’s sad. She’s worried that Claudia might get killed from driving a car in a parking lot.

“You alright, Anita?” Bobby Lee asked.

“No, I’m not. I’m really not okay with this.”

“With what?”

“This, all of it.”

Oh Lord, she’s worried about a woman driving in a parking lot. *facepalm*

Bobby Lee said that both Fredo and Claudia could make the accident look real, they were both drivers. He said drivers like it should have been in capital letters. I’d asked to be one of the drivers, and I’d been informed that I didn’t know how to DRIVE, and I couldn’t argue with that.

Anita starts literally praying that Claudia doesn’t die in a simple bump-against-a-bumper accident. Fredo and Claudia bump their cars – wait, I thought the plan was to bump into the Impala? Whatever, I don’t care.

Claudia got out, all tall and feminine even from a distance.

Being far away doesn’t change what people look like.

The guys who’ve been following Anita actually drive over to see what happened in the accident. They are suck at their job. Then they get boxed in by a few cars and an entire circle of gunmen leap up out of nowhere to surround them. You’d think the police would be a bit iffier about how JC and Anita appear to have their own private army.

Then there are two pages of Anita standing outside the Impala trying to get the guys out of it. And LKH forgets to tell me who is saying what and doing what so I have no idea what I’m doing. Anita asks ‘does anyone have our backs?’ and because that’s such a stupid phrase someone has to further clarify whether that means she’s looking for backup. Anita panics that there might be a sniper with a rifle – whatever – and there’s another page of waffle before Anita even thinks to ask the guys in the car to wind their windows down.

sunset crying

Anita asks what they’re doing, and one of them is German because reasons. She demands them to come out of the car and threatens killing one of them, as she only needs one to live, is that clear?

“Yes,” the other one said, “Crystal fucking clear.” Oh, yeah, he was American, only we have that poetic turn of phrase.

Golly gosh Jeeves, apparently us British shitbags aren’t fucking allowed to use the fucking swear words that we only gone and fucking devised in the fucking first place, thou foul-mouthed dickbulge twat!

Then everyone hears police sirens.

“Never a cop when you need one,” Bobby Lee said, “try to do anything illegal, and they’re all over ya.”

Pfft, I’ve read ten books of this nonsense, the police never show up for anything. Luckily, Anita’s a federal marshal, so she can do whatever she likes. She deputises everyone, calls herself a police officer (no), and is happy. Well, not as happy as she could have been if she’d shot someone.

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4 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter thirty five

  1. “Fredo and Claudia bump their cars – wait, I thought the plan was to bump into the Impala?”

    Why is that the plan? That’s stupid. There’s no way to guarantee that the not-Winchesters would get out of their car or even come over. Hitting *their* car, on the other hand, guarantees that they’ll get out.

    “The guys who’ve been following Anita actually drive over to see what happened in the accident.”

    Wait, why are they *driving* over? Unless the parking lot is Wal-Mart sized, they could easily walk the distance.

    “and there’s another page of waffle before Anita even thinks to ask the guys in the car to wind their windows down.”

    As opposed to telling them to get out of the car. Because they could be holding guns right now, and none of Anita’s minions would be able to tell. Not that Anita would actually care if any of her non-boinking minions got killed.

    “Never a cop when you need one,” Bobby Lee said, “try to do anything illegal, and they’re all over ya.”

    Here’s a question – if you guys were so worried about this, why didn’t you call the cops in the first place? Then you wouldn’t have to engage in this illegal behavior.

    “Luckily, Anita’s a federal marshal, so she can do whatever she likes. She deputises everyone, calls herself a police officer (no), and is happy.”

    Does that not qualify as an abuse of power? Hell, do the events of this whole chapter not count as an abuse of power? It doesn’t matter if you’re a cop, federal marshal, or FBI agent – you don’t just get to arrest people for no reason. And no, “I think they might have been following me” does not qualify as a reason.

    If this were a good book, the next chapter would have the not-Winchesters reveal that they’re Interpol*/FBI, and that they’re looking into Anita because of her ties to supernatural/paranormal organized crime, which is especially concerning given her status as a federal marshal.

    *I know Interpol doesn’t actually work like that, but everyone pretends they do anyway.

  2. Brendan Fraser’s acting in that entire bit always cracks me up.

    Reading this all over again really drives it home to me why I finally gave it up after this book. Not that they high art by any means, but it had gotten so obvious that A: she was now officially Anne Rice Light, in that she had no editorial input at all, and B: Anita=Laurell, and it was really, really uncomfortable to read a real woman’s sexual interests. No matter how hard she tries to argue Anita doesn’t reflect her.

    • I mean real as in “the author’s actual personal turn-ons.” I think I need to clarify that. I’m all for Laurell recognizing her own sexuality and preferences, and happy for her if it means she’s happier for it, but I really don’t want to read about it masked as bad fiction.

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