A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter twenty nine

Nathaniel had gotten one of the extra crosses out of the glove compartment. I always carried spare crosses, just like spare ammo; when you hunt vampires, running out of either one is really bad. It was sheer stupidity on my part to have put crosses around the Circus of the Damned, but not on me. Some days I’m just slow.

  • Don’t you have that huge cross necklace that your never-since-been mentioned grandmother gave you for high school graduation?
  • Why wouldn’t a professional vampire hunter carry an emergency cross on her at all times?
  • Why will a cross be effective against a vampire who’s on another continent?
  • Name me a day when you’re ‘fast’.

Anita is shaking like me when I’m having a really bad IBS attack and is patting herself on the back because ‘I hadn’t complained too much’. Yeah, I notice that LKH has skipped out the whole journey. Hmmmmm. Anyway, she then launches into a big paragraph about how Nathaniel is comparable to a dog. Not like, ‘Oh my god, that dude is such a dog’ but an actual four legged dog.

I stroked my hand over Nathaniel’s head, over and over, on the warm silk of his hair. His head in my lap, his arms wrapped around my waist, his body wedged between my legs. Sometimes Nathaniel made me think about sex, but sometimes, like now, it was just comfort. Just closeness. You can’t have that with most people, because they’re busy thinking about sex. I think that’s why dogs are so damn popular. You can cuddle a dog as much as you like and the dog never thinks about sex, or pushing your social boundaries in any way, unless you happen to be eating. Dogs will invade your social boundaries for table scraps, unless trained to do otherwise. But, hey, it’s a dog, not a person in a fur suit. Right now, what I needed was a pet, not a person. Nathaniel could be both.

  • Oh my god, she literally sees another human being as being an animal who is there to serve her.
  • What? People enjoy other people’s company for comfort? BULLSHIT I SAY
  • That’s really, really sad that Anita can’t understand that people can be close to each other without sex being involved. That’s really pathetic.
  • You know, it might have been interesting if this whole ‘people can’t be close to each other without sex being involved’ came from Anita’s childhood, where her father was really distant and no one cared, but seeing as she seemed to have a really wonderful childhood, and he paid for her to go on holiday to Mexico and to go to college and whatever, it just comes out of nowhere.
  • Sometimes, if I’m feeling really bad or I just need some comfort, I just like to go and cuddle with my mum and the family dog, or with my friends, or with my niece. I feel sick that Anita says that somehow, the question of sex would naturally have to come up at some point. That’s disgusting. What kind of a sad person thinks like that?
  • Hey, notice how Anita frames the relationship with the dog as being about serving her?
  • Maybe dogs are popular because people love them and want to care for them and like their company and enjoy having them being part of the family. We’re not all as selfish as you, Anita.
  • Nothing about caring about the dog’s well-being. Nope, even the dog must eternally be bound to pleasing Anita Blake!
  • I have a family dog, and the best part of having a relationship with her is that it is a relationship. She loves all of us, and we love her back. We look after her, and she looks after us. When you’re ill, she’ll come and sit with you until you feel better. She’ll go and find your shoes when you’re about to go out. When she met my baby nephew for the first time, she leant into his carrier, licked him once on the nose, and laid down next to him. She loves to play with my niece and loves nothing better than a cuddle. She loves us unconditionally because she knows we love her back. Anita doesn’t want to care about anything than herself.
  • You are a suck writer, LKH. All you needed to say was how dogs love you unconditionally without the question of pushing you into something else, then you went off onto a complete tangent about dogs begging from the plate. Why the hell did that need to be there?
  • Siouxise – our dog – steals gingerbread from the Christmas Tree and is absolutely hilarious. Dogs are intelligent, self-aware creatures. But, then again, Anita sees everyone as being below her.

Jason drove.

Um, I know. It was in the last chapter.

Anita is having a theological crisis. She doesn’t understand the impact living forever might have on her entering Heaven.

Oh, honey, what makes you think that you’ll get into Heaven?

Jason then speaks up to say that they’re being followed. Everyone is convinced they are bad people after JC. I’d assume that they were police officers wanting to arrest Jason for driving like he’s off his face. Nathaniel asks if it’s BM as she’s been able to magically appear in the continental US in the middle of the day. Anita thinks they’re ‘Renfields’ and she spends a page explaining what that means.

There was nothing ominous about the Jeep, or even the two men visible in it. They both had short hair, clean, well-groomed; the Jeep was even shiny and clean. The only thing ominous was the fact that they were still behind us. Then… it turned into a narrow driveway. Just like that, not a threat.

‘Bad people’ don’t go around looking evil. Otherwise people would fucking notice. And, yeah, they still could be. They might have noticed you looking at them, and turned into a random house so you’d stop paying attention to them. BM then tries to control Anita’s mind, but she can’t. Why? As Anita sanctimoniously tells Caleb, ‘Because I believe’.

And if you’re not a Christian, you deserve to be murdered by vampires. Because you’re a piece of shit.

Caleb asked how could I believe. What I always wanted to ask, is, how can you not believe?


BM fills the Jeep with anger. Then Anita sees darkness and she and BM scream. It’s very darkity dark and Anita….. sees the very first vampire.

Um. Right. What does this have to do with reanimating corpses and ancient crimes? A wild plot point appears! Dottie is confused! Anita prays the first vampire – The Mother of All Darkness, how very cribbed from Anne Rice – away, and then is so full with GODLINESS that the cross starts to glow and everything glows and isn’t Anita so holy and fucking magical that I bet rainbeams and halos shoot out her arse.

People die every year on train tracks, and often their dying words are I didn’t see the train. I’ve always thought that trains must be magical that way, or otherwise people would see them, and get the fuck off the tracks.

Trains go from 80 – 200 mph. It’s almost like they go REALLY FUCKING FAST, AND DON’T HAVE HORNS. This random tangent is because Anita can feel vibrations and this makes Nathaniel realise that the Mother of All Darkness is a shapeshifter. Dun dun dun!

Anita worries because JC isn’t religious and Richard won’t wear a cross and she sees animals in her mind and screaming and she starts screaming and Nathaniel and Caleb start rolling around and snarling and the Mother screams and Anita smells a lot of things and she doesn’t smell them sexually, she makes that clear.

I’m glad that’s clear because the rest of it is as clear as fucking coal.

As a wereanimal [Mother] had no scent, because she wasn’t here. It was a sending, a psychic sending. It had power, but it wasn’t real, not really real, not physical.

How stupid do you think your fans are, LKH, that you have to tell them that METAPHYSICAL MAGIC IN ANITA’S MIND IS NOT REAL IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD. And yet Anita sees a room and feels a silk sheet and that there’s something dead and she’s in the room and there’s something under the sheet and it’s being treated as 100% yet this is a psychic sending.

Mother says she’s waiting. Because.

Anita wakes up and Jason has shapeshifted. Anita whines at him for ruining her sheets, and not for supposedly crashing her Jeep. She now knows a butt-load of information about Mother and how vampires try to make her seem kindly but she’s not. And Mother, the first vampire, the very first, is just sooooooooooooooooooooooo interested in wickle Anita.

i have no idea what i just read or what is happening


3 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter twenty nine

  1. This reads like a first draft. The one where you have five different plotlines, half a dozen characters you don’t need, nothing quite fits together, you aren’t quite certain of your mythology, and it’s full of those random paragraphs that sounded great when you wrote them at half-three in the morning. I just want to go through this with a red pen.

    If this is the first draft, then by the final draft I would have:
    -The main plotline of vampire political manoeuvrings. Musette is a threat, and there are stakes.
    -Possibly a sub-plot of the humans stalking her. She has to balance the two types of danger, figure out whether they are linked, use her connections in the police force to help with the humans while keeping them ignorant of the vampires.
    -Introduced Marmee Noire. Set her up as a villain for the next few books. She should be threat in the background, linked somehow to Musette, not a main focus.
    -Cut every single extraneous character. Jason, Nathaniel, and Caleb all seem to be filling pretty much the same role here.

  2. “What I always wanted to ask, is, how can you not believe?”

    Because it was established in the first book that ANYTHING you have faith in can repel a vampire, with a specific case cited in which an atheist businessman warded one off with a credit card that glowed for him because he believed so much in the power of money.

    It’s funny to me how LKH sets up this very ambiguous/secular scenario, where the power comes from faith regardless of faith in WHAT, and therefore it’s no more definitive proof that any deity, let alone one specific one, exists in Anita’s world any more than there’s definitive proof of that in our world, and yet all that ever actually matters in practice is cross cross cross Christianity cross cross cross!

    …come to think of it, that makes her dumb remark about the Star of David not being a religious symbol even dumber, cus that doesn’t matter according to her own canon as long as a human has faith in it like one. But fuck it, she wants her Christian supremacy in there, so poo on you!

    • I really want to see a vampire trying to attack a child. Children have such faith in everything, I imagine that they could drive them off with a picture of their parents, or Santa Claus. If a person really believes that salt will kill a vampire, can it burn them like holy water?

      Edward doesn’t have faith, so he has his items blessed by a holy man. Are there businesses where people bless items for protection against vampires? Can they be sued if their faith wasn’t strong enough, and the item doesn’t work? Are there extreme religious groups, where you have to drive a vampire off with your faith before you’re allowed in? If a person believes an item will protect them, and the vampire believes it won’t, can the vampire’s faith negate the person’s? Crosses glow and become hot when they work. If a vampire attacked a family, and the child truly believed that their mother could save them, would the mother glow and burn like the cross?

      So many questions!

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