A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter twenty six


Anita is crying and she’s just sooooo upset you guys she’s distraught and beside herself and i’ve never see her emote like this

You see, it’s about Richard.

You just won’t believe how he’s hurt Anita.

Are you ready? Brace yourself…

Richard has cut his hair without her permission.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SOMEONE MADE A DECISION WITHOUT CONSULTING ANITA? HOW DARE THEY! SHE’S JUST SO GOSHDARNED UPSET THAT SHE IS HAVING A BREAKDOWN ON THE BEDROOM FLOOR!

I have literally just been staring at the screen for ten minutes. I have no idea how to respond to this.

I grew up in a matriarchal family. There haven’t been any men born into my immediate, close family for ninety years (until my stepsister gave birth to a baby boy at the beginning of December). All my life, I have never doubted the ability of a woman to absolutely anything she put her mind to because I didn’t grow up in an environment where I couldn’t see that as being actually possible. I grew up in a great time for young, female minds; the nineties and early 2000’s were full of really interesting female characters that were proactive, confident, and fearless.

Anita Blake was sold to me as being the ideal thing for me. It has all the tick boxes I enjoy; urban fantasy, new takes on old mythology, and a interesting, dynamic main female protagonist.

I was sold a Buffy. What I have is a woman who is supposedly older than I am collapsing into a teary weepy mess because her ex-boyfriend had the audacity to cut his hair.

I have no idea how an adult woman wrote this and expected me to take this seriously.

LKH, your writing is made of suck.

Anita is trying to get dressed when someone knocks on the door. She freaks out because it might be Richard – with his eeeevvvvviillllll short hair – but it’s just Nathaniel. Ready to dole out his manipulation to get himself one step further to bumping her off and mysteriously inheriting all her stuff. She can’t find her belt – teh horrors, indeed – and she starts crying more because ‘Richard’s here’.

And then she starts crying because her hair is tooooooo curly.

I think I used the tantrum video too early. My god, woman, grow the fuck up. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Nathaniel hugs her and… um, there’s a curtain of hair around her because his hair is just that long and human hair totally works like that, right? So I guess he’s like Cousin It. He asks her what’s wrong as he’s unable to tell because he’s a sociopath that is unable of comprehending human emotion. Anita stares into Nathaniel’s lilac eyes –

rage

– and thinks about how much she hates him. Even though she’s angry at Richard. And Nathaniel has (to her acknowledgement, at least) done anything to upset her once. Because he’s waiting to dump sleeping pills in her coffee.

Oh, and they’re at Anita’s house. Um, of course. That’s nice to know. Anita decides to give her home to Richard and go live at Circus of the Damned.

Why the fuck can’t Richard go get better IN HIS OWN FUCKING BATH?

Anita is too distressed by these events that she cannot even summon the strength, mental, emotional, animal, mineral, to pack her own bag.

You’re blubbering because a man you cheated on and raped dared to cut his hair.

I’m sorry, but how am I supposed to relate or be sympathetic to Anita? Anyone over the age of twelve is going to find this ridiculous because, you know, REAL LIFE DOESN’T WORK THIS WAY. EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY ADULTS DO NOT HAVE AN EMOTIONAL BREAK DOWN OVER A HAIR CUT. GROW UP.

I’m sorry, but you need a serious fucking reality check. I can’t find this fun or escapist. I just want smash Anita’s head into a wall. Over and over. And ask LKH what the hell is wrong with her and why she doesn’t seem to understand the ways of the hu-mans on Earth.

Zerbrowski then phones. Oh, joy. At least we get away from the adventures of Anita Blake: Actual Child, Not Vampire Hunter.

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4 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter twenty six

  1. In a different series I could see this working. If, when they were dating, he loved having long hair, and was proud of it, and refused to even get it trimmed, then it would be disturbing to see that he’s cut it. She could wake up and realise that she’s hurting people, that other people have feelings, that she’s being selfish, and break down over that.

    As it is, it reads like “Waaah! He knows I like my men to have hair that drags across the floor! How dare he get his hair cut into a more manageable style when he knows it displeases me!”

    I guess that she’s trying to portray this as him practically self-mutilating, but I think it’s kind of a healthy thing to do. He’s reclaiming his body and reasserting his own identity.

    Or he’s really fucking terrified of the ardeur and knows that it only ever seems to trap people that she’s attracted to. He’s hoping that by making himself less physically appealing, she won’t rape him again.

      • It relates to her ex, of course. He refused to grow it out while they were together, no matter how much she bitched. The first thing she did when she got together with the president of her fan club was demand he grow his hair long. Which he did. Oh my god this woman I don’t even sometimes

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