A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter sixteen


The chapter opens up with a long ramble about ‘Wildwood’, an up-and-coming neighbourhood that is very fashionable, but is in the middle of nowhere. Anita doesn’t understand how an area in a rural setting can be upmarket.

Anita doesn’t understand anything, really. She just can’t fathom anything that exists beyond her limited goldfish bowl view.

Anita feels really sick and has to wear her sunglasses. Apparently, she can’t even be trusted to close her eyes. She whines about it to Jason, instead of pointing out that he ought to have taken her to hospital.

“How can you endure this?” I asked.

“If you’d slept the day away like a normal pomme de sang or human servant, you wouldn’t be sick at all.”

“Forgive me for having a day job.”

“Also if Asher had taken enough for just a feeding, then you might be a bit sick,” he negotiated a turn, “but I think that whatever Asher did to you along with taking blood made it worse.” He paused. “Truthfully, you shouldn’t be this sick, at all.”

Asher did take a huge lump of flesh out of Anita’s neck. Maybe it was that.

Anita says that the crime scene is on the main road, so Jason asks whether Anita was having sex at dawn. She was, and gets flustered when she implies it was with both JC and Asher. Jason makes hurr hurr jokes and then sees the crime scene. Anita goes on about how she’s a federal marshal now and that she gets paid per kill.

Huh. That seems, um, stupid. It’s mentioned that vampire hunters never earn enough to from just vampire hunting. So why pay them per kill? Isn’t that just going to encourage vampire hunters to be all, ‘Well, clearly, this vampire was ready to attack people, so I shot him. On the street. While he was buying socks. HE WAS DANGEROUS’.

I wasn’t getting any more money, so why had I wanted the badge? Because it meant I could chase the vampires, or other supernatural bad guys, across state lines, different law enforcement jurisdictions, and not have to ask anyone’s permission. I also wouldn’t be up on murder charges if I killed a vamp on the wrong side of a state line where I wasn’t licensed.

Who the hell thought giving Anita carte blanche to kill across the country was a good idea???

But for me, more than most vampire hunters, there was an extra benefit to having a badge of my very own. I no longer had to rely on policeman friends to get me into crime scenes.

Um, so… vampire hunters can work outside of the law? I thought they had to get like, permission and stuff to kill vampires because they work with the police? So Anita could literally declare anywhere a crime scene involving vampires and kill whoever she wants?

Well, if she ever killed vampires. For a series about vampire hunting, it doesn’t involve much vampire hunting.

A real federal marshal could have intruded into any investigation, and technically my badge didn’t specify that I was regulated to preternatural crime, but I know my limitations.

oh my god anita wants to force herself into every crime ever oh my god why the hell did they give this woman a badge and freedom to do whatever she wants????

A regular cop I am not. What I’m good at, I’m very good at, but at what I don’t know shit about, I don’t know shit about it. Take me away from the monsters and I wasn’t sure how much use I’d be.

YOU ARE NOT A COP. YOU ARE NOT A DETECTIVE. YOU JUST RAISE THE DEAD AND HUNT VAMPIRES. YOU HAVE NO CRIME SOLVING ABILITIES AT ALL.

I was out of the Jeep and flashing my badge before the uniform got to us. He sized me up the way men will do from shoes to face – in that order.

Yeah, the phrase ‘from shoes to face’ implies that anyway. I’m not stupid.

Any man who starts at my feet and then goes up has lost pretty much any chance he has to impress me.

I’ve never had a man look me up from foot to face. Mostly, they either look at my face, or they start at my chest and go up. Why would she be bothered by them staring at her feet? Surely it’s worse if they look at your chest and stay there?

Officer Jenkins doesn’t know who Anita is and Dolph has vanished. Apparently, Dolph didn’t think to tell people at the crime scene that a specialist would be arriving. Why would that be useful??

Everyone in this universe is a total fucking goober.

Jason then gets out of the Jeep. This doesn’t help at all because he’s dressed like an extra from a homoerotic eighties electronica music video.

Standing there in my three-inch heels on the slightly uneven road was making me feel light-headed again. I did not have the patience, or the strength, to debate.

You’re nauseous and light-headed. You have to trek around a rural crime scene. So, short skirt and heels it is then!

“Officer Jenkins, I am a federal marshal, do you know what that means?”

It means that there is no government and this is a terrible, terrible world.

“Nope,” he said, making the word longer than it was.

“It means that I don’t need your permission to enter this crime scene. I don’t need anybody’s permission. So it doesn’t matter if the lieutenant is here or not. I told you who alerted me to this crime out of courtesy, but if you don’t want to be courteous, officer, then we don’t have to be.”

Anita, if you carry on pissing off everyone else who works in law enforcement, you’re going to quickly be out of a job. Or someone is going to shoot you in the back of the head and blame a criminal.

Officer Jenkins points out that she may be a fed, but Jason sure as fuck isn’t, so he’s not going into any crime scene.

Anita’s response is to rip her bandage off and show off her wound.

“I have had a hard night, Officer Jenkins, and I have the authority to go into any preternaturally related crime scene that I see fit to enter.

Officer Jenkins: Well, sure, but your companion doesn’t. He is still not a federal marshal. If you need some help, I’m happy to escort you to the crime scene.

Anita, Jason’s presence at the crime scene jeopardises the ENTIRE CASE. He’ll contaminate the crime scene! A good defence lawyer will use his presence to throw the case out of court! Who the hell made Anita ‘herpaderpderp’ Blake a fed?

In reality, rather than kicking Jason out, Jenkins just ignores it and says that it’s not a vampire attack. Anita gets snitty about it and bullies Jenkins about how she didn’t say it was a vampire attack but he’d better get out of her fucking way. God, I’ve both been glad to be away and have missed Anita’s particular brand of violence-inducing snobbery to other people.

She glides past poor old Jenkins and whines about how Dolph is going to be so pissed with her. Uh, he’s not at the crime scene?

We started walking up the hill. I had to take Jason’s arm about halfway up. My goal in life for that moment was not to fall down, throw up, or faint, while Jenkins was still puzzling over whether he’d done the right thing letting us past him.

Congratulations. You probably just got Jenkins in serious trouble and when they find out he’s ruined a crime scene, he’ll probably loose his job.

He’ll never reach a day before retirement now. Thanks a lot, Anita!

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter sixteen

  1. I’m very confused by Anita’s confusion, because the defining feature of a lot of upscale properties around here is that they’re away from the city. In fact, a lot of them don’t have another house for miles around because they’re attached to so much property, often pastures and pens for horses, which need a lot of room and cost a lot of money. Of course a rural area can be expensive to live in! And I doubt this is just a Georgia thing, because the reasons I just described for countryside homes being expensive could apply to anywhere. What bugs me when Anita makes remarks like this isn’t just that they’re wrong, mind you, but I get the sense LKH thinks she’s being clever and observant by pointing these things and out and…no, you just sound dumb? If you were trying to make Anita seem sheltered and not someone who bothers to actually THINK about things don’t make immediate sense to her, this would be a good way to do it, but I never get that sense.

    I looked up what a federal marshal does on Wikipedia and Anita doesn’t actually do any of this
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Marshals_Service#Duties
    Aside from the part about deputizing people, which she’ll abuse horribly later on

    • Holy shit none of that stuff adds up to anything Anita ever does.

      My mum works in a very upmarket village that’s about forty minutes from any a town or city. That’s why it’s so expensive and exclusive – it’s rural, but without depriving you of any luxuries.

  2. “Anita goes on about how she’s a federal marshal now and that she gets paid per kill.”

    I can sort of see that making sense, but more in as a bonus. She is (theoretically) risking her life to deal with a very dangerous criminal. But that might just be because I recently read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, and in that, Deckard gets paid an extra $1000 for every android he “retire” – but only if he has authorization to do so. Basically, it’s a combination of hazard pay and an incentive.

    “Who the hell thought giving Anita carte blanche to kill across the country was a good idea???”

    Her author, I’m thinking. Guess she got tired of having to figure out some kind of justification for why Anita hasn’t been thrown in jail yet.

    “Any man who starts at my feet and then goes up has lost pretty much any chance he has to impress me.”

    Uh, what? Please to be explaining?

    “You’re nauseous and light-headed. You have to trek around a rural crime scene. So, short skirt and heels it is then!”

    And she does this shit all the damn time. You mentioned Jason contaminating a crime scene, but Anita’s just as bad! LKH might claim she knows some cops, but they must work traffic or something, because I can’t believe that they wouldn’t have mentioned this issue a long time ago.

    And why is Anita dressed like this? Because she has to look sexy at all times, of course!

    “It means that I don’t need your permission to enter this crime scene. I don’t need anybody’s permission. So it doesn’t matter if the lieutenant is here or not. I told you who alerted me to this crime out of courtesy, but if you don’t want to be courteous, officer, then we don’t have to be.”

    Well, Anitia, you’re the one who A) didn’t want to interrupt your sexytimes to come down to the crime scene when Dolph called you the first time, and B) couldn’t be arsed to to dress like someone who takes their job as a law enforcement official seriously. So maybe you could try to be the bigger person here (i.e. a fucking professional) and not get on this guy’s case.

    Oh, wait, you’re *author* can’t be bothered to act like a fucking professional half the time, so why should I expect you to?

    “He’ll never reach a day before retirement now. Thanks a lot, Anita!”

    Well, when you put it like that, she probably just saved his life. And who knows – maybe word about this will get around, and enough people will complain about Anita’s attitude that they’ll take away her badge! That’d be nice.

  3. I don’t think Anita or her author give a shit about contaminating the crime scene since they’re going to illegally kill the culprit, anyway. That has been the established pattern. I have this image in my head of Dolph with this ever-growing cold case cabinet, all the cases he ever brought Anita in on, and he knows that she had something to do with the evidence drying up and the suspects going ‘missing’. He has that ‘cop instinct’ that says Anita killed them all, that her regard for life/law has gone in the toilet since she’s began the vampire politics game, but all he has is circumstantial evidence and conjuncture that will never hold up in court – JC’s lawyers will see to it. At this point he’s just inviting her to crime scenes to try and get her to ‘out’ herself, or something.

    As for working with the police, that was strictly an Anita thing to make her super special awesome. It was an arrangement between the Police and Animator’s Inc. to bring her on as a consultant, though it wouldn’t surprise me if there were similiar arrangements between VE and Law Enforcement elsewhere. Before the Marshal thing happened executioners just did their day job till the Police had enough evidence to get a judge to sign an execution order, and then they killed whoever the order was for as well as any vampires that may be aiding and abetting the criminal. I am assuming that last part considering how many minion vamps get caught in the crossfire of Anita’s hunting that she never gets called out on.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s