A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter fourteen


The door opened and it was Jason. I don’t think I’d ever been so happy to see him. I managed to say, “Help me.” My voice sounded weak and scared, and I hated it, but I also was feeling nauseous and dizzy, and that wasn’t post-coital languor, it was blood loss.

Now that I could see again, I realized I was drenched in blood – and other things – but it was mainly the blood that was worrying me, because it was all mine.

OK, not only is that incredibly stupid – I KNOW YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT THE BLOOD BECAUSE ASHER RIPPED AT YOUR THROAT – but Anita is apparently ‘drenched’ in semen.

Um, no. That is really not possible. Unless JC and Asher have actual hoses for penises, there’s no way Anita is drenched in semen. The average amount of ejaculate is about a teaspoon. Both JC and Asher came once, so the sum total of their spunk is….

TPhoto_00107

Two little spoons of jizz. That’s not very impressive. LKH, porn is not research. It’s wildly inaccurate.

Jason pulls Anita out from under the pile of Asher and JC.

I was nude, he’d just dragged me from a bed where I’d obviously had sex with two men, yet Jason hadn’t made a single quip, or joke. When Jason had this much ammunition but didn’t tease, things were bad.

Maybe he’s just angry at how much you hate the humble comma. Or maybe YOU’RE APPARENTLY DYING OF BLOOD LOSS AND HE UNDERSTANDS THAT NOPE, THIS IS NOT A TIME TO JOKE.

Jason tries to get Anita to some medical help but she stops him.

He stopped moving. “What?”

“I want to remember this.”

“What?” he asked again.

“The way they look together.”

ughghghghghghg Yes, why not stop to admire the sexy when you are dying. Anita Blake – strong independent woman! Jason tries to find out how much blood Anita has lost, which is actual sensible behaviour for once, but Anita is too busy looking at sexy men.

He shifted me so that he could free up a hand to touch my forehead, which seemed silly since I was nude, but we often fall into habit when we’re stressed. You check someone’s temperature on their foreheads, even if they’re naked.

… well, sticking your hands on someone’s tits is an awful, sexual assaulty, way to try and work out someone’s temperature.

“You don’t feel feverish. If anything you feel a little cool.”

No shit. She’s got blood loss. That’s a symptom of blood loss, nimrod. Jason carries Anita to the bathroom and sits her in the bath tub. Um, that’s not how you deal with blood loss. You have to stem the bleeding and then take her to hospital so she can get a transfusion. A quick bath isn’t going to help at all!

The water spilled out of a silver swan’s mouth, which I’d always thought was ostentatious, but hey, it wasn’t my bathroom.

Take this line down, kids. It’s the perfect example of how to kill tension in a scene. When I’m supposed to be worrying about whether Anita is going to die, don’t start blabbering on about silver taps. That are far too ostentatious. It’s a fucking nightclub, not Versailles.

Anita starts getting grumpy that the marble of the bathtub is cold and that she doesn’t want to be naked on cold stone when she’s dying from blood loss as that wound in her neck has not been stemmed or dealt with in any way and is presumably leaking another pint of blood down her neck.

“Why am I so weak?”

Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter. Best in the business, an expert in her field. Understands absolutely nothing about how to deal with vampire bites. How am I supposed to believe that she’s a competent professional when, at every step and turn, she apparently knows nothing about the field she works in?

Jason is going to give her a bath, instead of stopping her bleeding or treating THE BITE WOUND IN HER NECK, and then starts to get naked.

I don’t understand. Why aren’t you taking her to hospital?

Anita is a bit worried but Jason says she either drowns or he throws her over his shoulder. Of course. Those make complete sense. He then slings her over his shoulder. Yeah, that should help that wound in her neck that is still gushing with blood. She notices that his ass is nice but he’s not wearing underwear. Why does he have to be naked? Anita starts to feel sicker, which is a danger sign, but Jason berates her for trying to move out from under the unconscious vampires.

Jason steps into the bath, holding Anita because a bath will heal that chunk of flesh missing from her neck. She starts to fall unconscious and Jason announces she’s been affected by Asher’s vampiric magic. Jason tells her to pass out and she does.

Um, yeah, she’s dead now. That’s how it works. Anita is just bleeding out in a tub. Guess it’ll be easy to clean up.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter fourteen

  1. The circus isn’t a night club, it’s a permanent circus/fair set up with supernatural acts (smells like fairy floss and blood apparently lol). There are tunnels/natural caverns under it all that the vampires live in. Just thought id mention it because I’ve heard the circus called a club a few times 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s