A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter nine


Sorry for the lag in updates – I’ve been a bit tired etc and not in the right headspace to deal with Anita’s constant parade of bullshit. But let us return to Musette’s awesomeness!

Musette made a big show of licking the knife clean, while Asher stood in front of her and bled. She licked it like a kid with a Popsicle on a hot day – got to lick carefully, but quickly, or it drips down your hand, and you lose some of it. Her eyes were all for me, the show was all for me. It was as if Asher didn’t matter at all to her. Maybe he didn’t.

Gee, do you think Musette doesn’t care about Asher? I thought stabbing him in the stomach showed that enough, but nope, LKH thinks her readers are so stupid that she has to tell them exactly how to think. Her scenes of violence are bland, lack emotion, and she feels the need to tell me how I ought to react to them. That’s why her writing just doesn’t work. I can’t react or feel anything when a story is so incompetently told that the author has to MAKE SURE TO TELL ME WHAT TO THINK.

She seemed totally surprised when I grabbed her hand. Maybe she expected me to fight like a girl, whatever the hell that means.

Well, I see someone has never seen two women fight. I have. I have seen a lot of women fighting. When I read the phrase ‘fights like a girl’, I think ‘eye gouging, hair pulling, and skin shredding’. Sure, men might be powerful, but women are vicious. They go in with nails. It’s not pleasant.

And yes, hair pulling is a big stereotype when it comes to women fighting. But have you ever actually had your hair pulled out in a fight? If you pull hard enough, you can rip lumps out of someone’s scalp. It’s not nice.

Anita knocks Musette to the ground and stabs her. Um, she says ‘I plunged the knife home’, a classic example of Hamilton muddiness. Is Musette a house? Is there a part of her body called ‘home’? If not, then where was she stabbed? The knife isn’t silver, so Musette will be fine, although BM might just decide to tear Anita’s head off. This is exactly why you don’t include Anita in politics. She’s an idiot. Angelito moves but cowers back when Anita makes a limp threat. Vampires come into the room so Anita begins torturing Musette by tearing up her chest with the knife. Then some hyenas howl and a bunch of shapeshifters come in.

Bobby Lee – you remember him, the butt of a thousand ‘hick’ jokes – and asks whether it’s a smart idea to kill Musette. It’s not, but Anita’s an idiot.

“Micah send you?” I asked, eyes still on Musette’s pain-filled face. I was happy to see her hurting. I didn’t usually enjoy causing pain to anyone, but I just didn’t mind hurting Musette.

laugh

Yeah, after ten books, I know that’s total balls. Micah sent all the shapeshifters because… um, Anita can’t do anything without the support of a man.

“No one comes into our territory and harms our people. No one, not the council, not even le sourdre de sang of our bloodline. Everyone tells me that when I speak to you I’m speaking to Belle herself, well, here’s the message. The next one of her people to harm one of our people is dead. I will take their heads, their hearts, and I’ll burn the rest.”

*flat voice* And then I’ll have your guts for garters.

BM takes over Musette’s body and laughs about how JC hasn’t taught Anita anything.

The irreverent thought that she’d give really good phone sex crossed my mind.

Why must everything be about sex?

JC waffles how BM taught him to be a ruthless politician (lessons that clearly went nowhere) but he’s his own creature and he’ll let Anita do whatever she wants, so they might just kill Musette anyway. BM says oh, you wouldn’t dare, but JC is smug about ‘oh, your laws say vampires have to negotiate to enter a territory so this makes Musette a outlaw so I can slaughter who I want!’.

JC, you’re really stupid.

He then whines about how she didn’t love him and was only interested in having sex with him. Well, mate, there’s not much to you aside from your inflated sense of sex appeal. I’m not sure what there is to love.

Anita then has a minor freak out about carving up Musette’s body. BM then pouts because JC loves Anita more than her and she says nyah nyah it’s because you hated Asher and BM is all what, were JC and Asher close??

argh

This is like smacking your head into a brick wall AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Anita tells BM to go away she’s all tired and stuff and BM tries to touch her face (STOP TOUCHING EACH OTHERS FACES YOU WEIRD WEIRD PEOPLE) so Anita says she’ll cut out Musette’s heart and eat it with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

“Oh, I believe you, I just can’t get too worked up over it.”

“Worked up?” she made it a question.

I can see that. I see that by the FUCKING QUESTION MARK. I swear to God, I’m convinced Stephenie Meyer was actually a huge closet fan of these books because there are so many of the same writing problems in both series.

Anita goes on about how she’s totes not scared of BM and that’s not because BM hasn’t actually ever done anything or been presented as an actual threat at any point so it’s impossible to be scared of her. Anita pulls out the knife, and Musette/BM grabs her and Anita is ZOMG transported to BM’s sexy sex lair of sex. BM is naked and Anita finds her attractive. Oh no, she got infected with the bisexuality virus!

But the wolves show up and with Damian and everything that means she’s more powerful than a possessed body of a severely injured child. Who knew. There’s waffle about the ardeur, but seeing as Anita can just ignore it and it stops being a problem, I’m going to ignore it.

Musette’s entourage comes on through and picks her up. JC then offers them room to stay in the Circus. Right. Of course. That doesn’t sound suspicious at all.

Bobby Lee was still holding his gun nice and steady on the vamps. “Anita?” he made my name a question.

I CAN SEE THAT.

Circus vamps are told to take the Musette & Co group to bedrooms. That are in this Circus. With endless tunnels and cellars.

Meng Die was lovely, delicate, with perfectly straight black hair cut just above her shoulders; her skin was like pale porcelain. She would have looked like a perfect China doll if she hadn’t liked wearing black leather most of the time. The leather sort of ruined the image. She was a Master Vampire, and her animal to call, I’d been surprised to learn, was the wolf. Strangely, this didn’t make her any more attractive to the wolves or me. She was just too damn unfriendly.

Maybe she’s pissed off about your constant racism towards her.

Meng Die and Faust take away Musette & Co. There’s a lot of talk about the curtains. Anita thinks it might have been a bad idea to antagonise BM.

Idiots. Everyone in this book is an idiot.

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2 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter nine

  1. I think Anita thinks Meng Die (is that even a real Chinese name? Is she even speed to be Chinese?) is supposed to be wearing silks or a qipao or something.
    That is all I can say about this chapter because I can’t even.

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