A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter six

Anita is in the underground caves beneath the Circus. Apparently, there have been vast stone tunnels under St Louis for centuries and no one noticed them. They were apparently there before Europeans colonised the area which leads me to conclude, again, that Native Americans were kicked out of their sacred sites for supernatural bullshit.

It was still room after room of stone and torches.

Apparently Anita is on her way to steal the Declaration of Independence.

To soften the stone look, Jean-Claude had used huge gauzy drapes to make a sort of tent for his living room walls. The outside was white, but once you parted the first set of hangings the ‘walls’ were silver, gold, and white.

Why was ‘I’m going to make this place into a giant tent’ the first solution? Why didn’t he get a plasterer or something? Anyway, JC is here and he’s dressed in exactly the same outfit that he’s always wearing. Leather trousers, thigh-high boots, frilly shirt that’s so blue it makes his blue eyes bluer. Just keep padding out that word count. Anita starts panting because ‘tonight, I WANTED him’. That warrants capitals for some reason.

All I could think of was sex, sex with Jean-Claude.

Boy, that makes this time so different from all those other times he’s been introduced. Anita is worried because at the stroke of midnight, the ardeur will strike – and it’s ten to midnight now! She might start getting affected and need to hump everything!

  • No, she doesn’t. She has been told she can feed off sexual energy, ANY sexual energy. In fact, she mentions in the expository paragraph that JC feeds on sexual energy. Anita can’t do this because strong independent women must be forced to have sex all the time.
  • i only accept that when it’s sex pollen and it’s steve rogers
  • How come the ardeur has such an exact schedule? I’d sure love for my IBS to have such a precise and exacting timetable. I’d never have to worry again!
  • Funny how Anita was able to JUST IGNORE THE ARDEUR in the last book when it was convenient!
  • ‘The feeding didn’t have to involve intercourse, but there did have to be sexual contact’. Sex is just defined as penis-in-orifice in this series. Living in the AB world must be sad for lesbians and, oh, I don’t know, EVERYONE ELSE WHO HAS SEX EVER.
  • Why can’t Anita just nip into the bathroom and masturbate? Why can’t she do that? Am I ever going to have an explanation for that?
  • Anita is embarrassed about having ‘sexual contact’ with Nathaniel but is glad she’s not molesting strangers. Oh, pity that self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • Anita is worried because she and JC can’t have ‘hot monkey sex’. EW. That is not a sexually appealing phrase.

Anita starts to panic about what she’s going to do. Hang on… if she has to feed the ardeur before midnight, like a gremlin, what was she planning to do at the cemetery? She wasn’t worried or thinking about it then and that has to be only twenty minutes or so ago. Was she just going to try humping court officials? Damian touches Anita and is sad that he’ll never sleep with her. Because he’s her servant and that means he is a slave. But JC is concentrating extra hard and Damian touching Anita… makes the ardeur go away.

Don’t bring create a conflict if you’re unwilling to examine the consequences. Just a little writing tip for y’all.

Anita, JC, and Damian link up arms as if they’re about to go down the yellow brick road. They’re formal as ‘we were trying to impress people who hadn’t been impressed by anything in centuries’.

Asher stepped forward to get the drapes. Jason went to the other side, and they held the drapes aside for us so we could enter without having to bat at the drapes. There are reasons that wall-hangings over doorways fell out of favour.

Yes, because no one in the modern world ever puts a curtain of any sort over a doorway ever. Not any person who is smart enough to be able to push aside a curtain by them-fucking-selves. Nah uh. Guess I need to tell my family that curtains in doorways are super old-fashioned and not an easy way of sectioning a room when a door would seem out of place or hazardous. Or want to keep flies out of the kitchen.

The only downside of having an attractive vampire on each arm was that I couldn’t go for my gun quickly.

oh no what are you going to do with your life without your faux-penises

6 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter six

  1. I kinda wish LKH would acknowledge what just about everyone else has – that the ardeur is just a cheap excuse for her to write sex scenes without turning Anita into a “bad girl” for wanting to have sex because she enjoys it. For all her claims, LKH is a real prude.

    • OH OH HEY GUISE you know what would be the Best Idea EVAR?? Put lots of highly flammable cloth sheets all over the walls which are also covered with TORCHES. This is brilliant and not at all a good way to ensure a draft will get you Extra Crispy Vamps. (Also, wtf torches? You coulda wired this place for electric and DSL ages ago! Get with the program, Puddykins!)

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