A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter five


I had a hard time believing we were very little fish indeed. Maybe not big fish, but that wasn’t the same thing as being very little.

Anita phones her supernatural contacts to let them know that Musette has arrived early. She tells Richard and Micah. There is an aside on how uncomfortable Anita is being with Micah, although she doesn’t put that down to being in a relationship with a man who raped her. She leaves messages and that’s okay because… who can be bothered to tell people important news in person?

I let Asher leave the message on Richard’s machine, sometimes he erased messages from me without listening to them. It depended on how bad a mood he was in that day. Though he’d dumped me, not the other way around, he acted like the wounded party and blamed me for everything.

Um, you cheated on him and then fed on him when he explicitly told you not to. YOU ARE COMPLETELY AT FAULT. Anita is cross at Richard because ‘survival took precedence over emotional pain’.

I bet the other vampire executioners get really confused by the ongoing train of shit that is Anita Blake’s life at the yearly conference.

Anita drives to the Circus and is SAD because she’s comfortable being around this bizarre kid-friendly erotic stage show. Asher is freaking out because… um, he is, which is why he was sent to get Anita but he’s going inside anyway. Anita says he should go but oh no Asher can’t let Anita go in alone because she is a poor weak woman etc etc. Damian then flies in, sent by Micah as back up. He is dressed smartly.

Most of the vamps that had recently come over from Europe didn’t feel comfortable in jeans and jogging shoes.

Yes, because we only ever dress in silks and furs and diamonds in Europe.

TPhoto_00102

FANCY 4 LYFF

Anita looks at Damian and thinks ‘I WANT TO TOUCH HIM’. This is apparently normal for Masters to want to touch servants –

– and JC obvs wants to touch Anita all the time. Asher says that all of them must be a united front before Musette so this means they have to touch each other a lot. They are weak because Richard is angry with Anita for being, well, Anita. Anita touches Damian and there is POWER. Then Jason arrives.

For an emergency, they’re sure taking their sweet ass time getting inside.

He was wearing jeans, jogging shoes, and a short leather jacket. Jason was as American as I was, we liked the casual look.

NO OTHER PEOPLE ON EARTH ENJOY DRESSING CASUALLY OTHER THAN AMERICANS. FACT.

TPhoto_00103

FANCY 4 LYFF

Anita comments that it’s hot for leather so Jason whips the jacket off because he’s a stripper so he’s not wearing anything underneath. Of course. Jason is here because JC and Musette are going to swap their potato people (pomme de sang – blood donors), and while it would be interesting if there was vampire etiquette about sharing potato people, but nope, it’s just about how JC won’t share.

“Her pomme de sang is illegal in this country, so Jean-Claude had to decline.”

Ah. Have you noticed that all the evil vamps do OMGILLEGALTHINGS while the good vamps are noble? Can we have a little more ambiguity about creatures that murder people to survive? But, yes, the evil European vampire is feeding on a fifteen year old girl. Her entourage has vampire children but that’s okay because they have to be a few hundred years old.

Jason then pouts about how cold he is. Please, act like a grown up. And that’s coming from someone who spent an hour pretending to be a frog today. (Babysitting le niece. We also pretended to be rainbows.)

Anita freaks out at the idea that Musette is a paedophile, although strictly speaking, Musette isn’t interested in children. She’s interested in teenage girls which is a different kettle of fish. Still icky, don’t get me wrong. Interesting to explore the differing ideas of sexuality from different historical periods, but LKH isn’t interested in discussing or exploring ideas.

“She cannot take blood from anyone under eighteen while she’s in this country. Doing that can get you an order of execution with your name on it, and I’m the Executioner.”

Strange that we never really see you doing any executing. Asher reveals that Musette is a test of Anita’s mettle, which any idiot could see. Anita is puzzled by the idea of being tested. Asher has to explain about how they can’t disobey BM because…

Look, are you going to give an actual reason for this or not? A fantasy universe only works because there are consistent rules that are applied to all situations. I need reasons why things are – you can’t just tell me something and refuse to tell me how it works!

In a UF YA book I am drafting – a few of you have seen it, in all its embarrassing glory – there are vampires and there are rules regarding vampires and their creators. In my world, vampires have to obey those who created them because they cannot disobey the commands of their own blood. The blood inside a vampire is also inside the one who created it, and as long as their creator still lives, they are magically bound to them. It sends a lot of vampires crazy, and not many make it past the first year, but there is a clear and strict rule that cannot be bent or broken. It also means there is a lot of abuse from both sides – and stops vampires from getting too powerful.

Here? I have no idea why BM can’t be disobeyed. BM sees Anita as belonging to her because… she just does. And she wants to test Anita because… fucked up vampire politics. But at least she’s testing everyone. All of Anita’s ‘people’. As everyone belongs to Anita. It’s ok when Anita does it, you see.

Everyone is astonished about how calm Anita is. It’s because she’s touching Damian. Oh, how wars would all be solved if we touched each other’s faces!

If Jean-Claude would just let me shoot everyone in Musette’s party tonight, it would save a lot of trouble. I just knew it would.

That is really not healthy. Anita is SAD because she has to touch hot guys. lol jokes she’s not sad really because lkh just wants to write porn.

Jason then goes into raptures about how sexy Musette is. Musette sounds like she resembles a teenager.

“She’s this cute little, blond thing, and she’s gorgeous like a life-size Barbie doll, with smaller breasts, but hey a man doesn’t need more than a mouthful, right?”

But Musette is an evil child, it’s okay to sexualise her.

Jason is actually scared of Musette. I hope she castrates him with her fists. Anita asks why she just can’t shoot Musette in the head.

2859e-facepalm_dean_winchester

How have you stayed alive this long, Anita?

Damian rubs Anita’s shoulders. This makes things better. It’s better because Damian is so naturally calm, despite the fact that he apparently can’t control his temper enough that everyone thought he’d go on a killing spree in the last book. Damian is sad because he’s scared of Musette too. Those evil women. Anita is told again that she can’t kill Musette and it’s all politics.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jason offers to handcuff Damian to Anita so she stays calm. Anita declines. She will walk hand in hand with him instead.

Doesn’t that just scream STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN?

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7 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Cerulean Sins’ chapter five

  1. I cracked up first at the Depeche Mode video, then at your FANCY 4 LYFE omg

    LKH really has the oddest ideas about Europe vs America….and also seems to think Europe is all one place/all the countries are alike

    SHORTENING BELLE MORTE TO BM IS CRACKING ME UP CUZ IM 12

    • I guess I could understand characterising Brits as being stuffy but Scandinavia is such a laid back place, so much more laid back than the US. It’s weird.

      I’M SO FANCCCYYYYYY

  2. “I had a hard time believing we were very little fish indeed. Maybe not big fish, but that wasn’t the same thing as being very little.”

    Sorry your ego got bruised there, Anita. Must suck to realize just how truly insignificant you really are. Too bad it won’t stick.

    “Though he’d dumped me, not the other way around, he acted like the wounded party and blamed me for everything.”

    Oh, this line. It’s like Anita (or more likely Hamilton) just forgets/edits out the things that make Anita look bad. If this were being done on purpose, say by JC to make Anita a better tool for him, then it would be good. But it’s not.

    “Strange that we never really see you doing any executing.”

    Yeah, Anita doesn’t seem all that interested in doing either of her jobs, even the one that lets her shoot things. She should really just focus on being JC’s moll. She’s good at that.

    “If Jean-Claude would just let me shoot everyone in Musette’s party tonight, it would save a lot of trouble. I just knew it would.”

    Of course, being a good moll would mean Anita having to learn to “sit there and look pretty”, which she’d obviously struggle with.

    “She’s this cute little, blond thing, and she’s gorgeous like a life-size Barbie doll, with smaller breasts, but hey a man doesn’t need more than a mouthful, right?”

    First: that sentence is horrible on an objective level. Learn how to properly use a comma, woman.

    Second: I see Anita isn’t just confining her sexism to women anymore. How… refreshing.

    “Anita asks why she just can’t shoot Musette in the head.”

    Seriously, why is she being brought into this meeting? Anita’s presence can only lead to trouble, and JC should know that by now.

  3. I called Musette a child molester in my post only because I could have sworn someone said she specifically preferred to feed on children, and I am under the impression that feeding in the ABverse is a sexual thing. I could be wrong though, since I haven’t read anything between GP and NiC.

    I like the idea that Anita is That Guy at the Animator conference. “Oh god I don’t want to sit next to her. Jesus, remembering how terrible she was last year?”

    http://tigergray.blogspot.com.tr/2014/09/cerulean-sins-chapter-five.html

    • Musette does have a preference for children but as she appears to be a child herself, it raises an interesting discussion that LKH doesn’t want to have. Feeding is inherently sexual in vampire mythology, but would it be better for a child vampire to feed on adults? It’s something that could be explored, but LKH just wants a PWP with no consequences.

      ‘Shit, shit, shit, she’s looking at us! EVERYONE LOOK BUSY SHE MIGHT GO AWAY.’

  4. Dottie, you could pretend to be a frog because you felt like it, and you would still be infinitely more grown up than Anita and Jason. My only comment would be “But won’t your furs get dirty?” because as a glamorous (white) European, you must be fancy at all times.
    Also, now I’m curious how one pretends to be a rainbow. I have a 2 year old goddaughter, and routinely get towed around the house via dishtowel, so more game ideas are always good!
    And because it’s more genuine and interesting than “Oh noes! Vampires! Now we must have the SEKS!!1!”

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