A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter fifty nine


And now, night time.

  • Asher and Damian have gone to bed.
  • Zane and Merle are alive.
  • Anita is unhappy that she and Micah haven’t exchanged ‘Love yous’. I have no idea why they would. Presumably so Anita can still feel like a good girl.
  • Nathaniel dresses Anita. I have no idea why she is unable to dress herself.

in the coolest jammies I had – a silky spaghetti strap nightshirt that would have been too revealing if I hadn’t been so damn short.

YOU ARE AVERAGE HEIGHT. YOU ARE AVERAGE HEIGHT. YOU ARE NOT A HOBBIT!

Anita and Nathaniel share a bed because Anita can’t be alone otherwise someone would probably chop her head off. And then burn the remains to make sure she can never return. She then wakes up as some flunky of Narcissus calls up. Narcissus has information about the missing shapeshifters – OH LOOK THE PLOT HAS RETURNED LIKE A PRODIGAL SON – and Anita has to go to the club right this very minute or Narcissus ain’t gonna spill the beans. If she doesn’t go, the head of the lions will die. And then the flunky is lying and it means that Narcissus likes to help fellow shapeshifters but doesn’t want people to know because he always wants something in return?

You suck at writing politics, LKH.

Anita sighs at how awful the system is. This system she has never cared about and never wanted to interact with. The flunky then says they want the head lion alive to see the birth of his child because Narcissus wants a child.

Right. This is going to turn out badly, I think. Narcissus is already a… delicate situation, and Hamilton doesn’t have much skill in this sort of area.

Anita is horrified that Narcissus is maternal. The flunky ignores this and tells her to come to the club. Anita and Nathaniel get up and this takes forever because Nathaniel has to braid his stupid floor length hair.

SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO DIE. AND YOU’RE BRAIDING YOUR HAIR!

i can't

Then Anita says she takes the longest getting dressed?? Oh, I get it. Time doesn’t exist in the AB universe. It’s just a myth.

I was halfway to the club when I realized that the ardeur hadn’t set in. It was morning. I was awake. There wasn’t a stir from the ardeur. Hope flared through me in a warm, fuzzy wash. Maybe the ardeur was going to be temporary. Dear God, I hoped so. I said a brief prayer of thanks and kept monitoring myself for the first hints of unbridled lust.

That’s mightily convenient. It’s almost like LKH can’t stomach writing about the consequences of actions in her books.

PS. Check out the website for MY PLAY THAT IS GOING TO BE IN A FESTIVAL BECAUSE I’M COOL LIKE THAT!

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7 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter fifty nine

  1. I know it’s the last thing I should be upset about in the mess that is Anita Blake but I GET SO DAMN TIRED OF HER INSISTENCE THAT SHE’S SOOOO SHORT SHE REALLY FUCKING ISN’T AT ALL

      • She’s 5 inches taller than me. I’m 4’10” and I don’t blubber all the time about how short I am. Actually I don’t whine about it at all. What would be the point?

      • The national average height in America is 5’4. Given the way averages work, that means that pretty much anything in the range of 5’2 to 5’6 is very normal. Of course, if LKH read that she’d probably think they meant average as a synonym for normal rather than the mathematical sense and be like ‘see? normal women are 5’4! I’M TINNNNNNNNY”

        yes, LKH just happens to be 5’3 as well, and likewise convinced she is “petite” (in total fairness, the dress size “petite” is designed for women 5’3 and under…but 5’3 is the cutoff point, hardly the teeny-tiniest of the lot)

        srsly, I’m 5’4, I’ve never had any of the issues she moans about, and I seriously doubt it’s because of that one extra inch.

  2. “in the coolest jammies I had – a silky spaghetti strap nightshirt that would have been too revealing if I hadn’t been so damn short.”

    [sigh] Okay:

    1) As has already been pointed out, Anita/LKH is not “short”, at least not unusually so. I get that tv/movies give the impression that “normal” women are 5’6″+, but that’s Hollywood, not reality.

    2) Given Anita’s other measurements, I’m pretty sure that nightshirt is plenty revealing.

    “and this takes forever because Nathaniel has to braid his stupid floor length hair.”

    I desperately want to just hack a good four feet of that off. I get that LKH has a thing for men with long hair, but this is just fucking ridiculous.

  3. Laurell literally seems to have no clue how sizes work, honestly. I still remember when she told Richard she was “too busty for a 6,” so….apparently a size 7 would fit. Because Laurell had not set foot inside a department store in twenty years, and did not apparently realize odd sizes are generally junior (as in, TEENAGERS), whilst even sizes are women (you know, the people who usually have the fuller chest sizes Anita was bemoaning). And petite sizes….I don’t know about her, but I’m 5’4”, and “petite” only works in the torso for me; the arms are generally too short. And I’m not egregiously tiny in the chesticles myself. I seriously think Laurell has no actual idea how clothing sizes work, which mystifies me, as she clearly and obviously wears clothes that she must buy from a store, and does not have it all handmade by the Amish.

    Also no clue why her nightshirt would be revealing due to her height: in my experience, clothing made for someone taller does not necessarily mean the neckline drops, it’s usually the HEM.

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