A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter forty


Everyone in the room freezes, as if they really care whether Caleb gets a massive hole in his chest. The snake man says his boss wants to talk to Anita.

“Have him pick up the damn phone and make an appointment,” I said.

Ok, that’s actually a pretty good comeback.

The snake-man pushes his gun into Caleb’s throat, oh, isn’t it dreadful, and they dither about her going to the snake man leader but she doesn’t want to go and the gun has silver shot isn’t it dreadful yadda yadda. SM comes closer, but Anita doesn’t want him in the house, and oh he says he’s not going to hurt her but he’s lying and all the snake men have the house surrounded.

I’m happy the plot is here but… can we get another one? This one’s defective.

The next FOUR pages are Claudia and Anita shooting at people. It is not dissimilar to a write up of a level in a shooter video game. A lot of snake people done get shot up. There’s not much else I can say. Nothing is happening. It’s just a lot of shooting. When the dust clears, Micah appears. He’s special and he’s a black panther. Because he’s special. He’s a panther man.

In the movies the wolfmen are sexless, smooth as a Barbie doll.

That’s probably because no one wants to see wolf men with gigantic nutsacks, swingin’ in the breeze.

In real life, they are very much male.

Even the female ones? Why does Micah have gigantic mega cock when he’s in man-panther form? Animals don’t have large penises. They don’t really need them. Very few animals have sex for anything other than reproduction. It’s not something they’re that interested in.

Micah volunteers to check the house because he’s a brave manly man. It seems everyone has been shot apart from Anita. Igor’s been shot pretty badly so Anita orders Nathaniel to make sure he’s alive as she can’t be doing anything like that herself. Nathaniel stares at Igor and says he can’t hear a heart beat. And you can’t check his body because… REASONS.

They start to check on other people and Cherry comes out to check on Igor but Claudia shouts at her for being an icky girl. Cherry does start to do the medicine, so someone is doing something. And now the police are coming!

You heard gunshots in Jefferson County pretty regularly, so who the hell reported the gunshots?

You had a gun fight with at least twenty people. OF COURSE SOMEONE IS GOING TO THINK THAT’S STRANGE AND TERRIFYING AND WILL PHONE THE POLICE.

Anita starts to worry because there’s like twenty bodies that she can’t explain but Claudia says they’ll look innocent as long as they stay injured.

No. No. No. There’s no way you can walk away from a massive gun fight without some prison time. Anita begs Micah to run, run like the wind lest the police find him and shoot him for being a shapeshifter. This is rectified by him turning into a human. Of course, Micah does it so quickly and wonderfully because he’s special. Anita tells everyone to drop their guns and look innocent. The police then come in.

I yelled back, “Don’t shoot, the bad guys are gone. We’ve got wounded.”

‘The bad guys’. This is supposed to be a badass vampire hunter? She talks and deals with the world like a child! Can I have a book with ACTUAL ADULTS in it? Also, the dead SM are numbering just five, which is… still pretty bad. Anita babbles about how they ran away when the police came and doesn’t know how she’s going to explain this. Well, seeing the excuses that LKH pulls out her ass to stop Anita getting in trouble will be interesting. And no doubt infuriating.

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9 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter forty

  1. So let me see if this is geographically correct…Her house is so far out in the boonies:
    1. So her neighbors won’t get shot up like they did when Dominga’s zombies attacked in her apartment.
    2. That the Chinese restaurant has to be paid an exorbitant fee to even bring food out there.
    3. She is like forty-five minutes away from the nearest sign of civilization…

    And yet somehow the police magically arrive in time to make a nuisance of themselves, because having police show up when people are trying to kill you is always a pain in the ass and FAR more trouble than it’s worth….

    I live an hour and a half from St. Louis, and I have yet to see a place of such magical contradictions.

    Excellent review! You always make it fun!

    • I am highly amused at this idea that in the suburbs, they “hear gunshots regularly.” I mean, I know I don’t live in St. Louis’ suburbs specifically, but I live in the Milwaukee suburbs, and, uh, we don’t “hear gunshots regularly.” In fact, if we did hear them, we’d be on the phone to the cops REALLY DAMN FAST. Granted, I’m looking at Google Maps to figure out where Anita supposedly lives, and it looks just as potentially rural as my area, so….uh, okay, there, lady.

      For the record, this is the area Anita is in: https://maps.google.com/maps?q=jefferson+county+mo&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x87d8dc9fca02d661:0x1da9488c8e3f8c87,Jefferson+County,+MO&gl=us&ei=2XqzU6cui5zIBNS5gKgO&ved=0CKMBEPIBMAw

      I now have an image of Micah as a black panther walking bow-legged because of his massive nutsack. Possibly bronzed, or steel, like those ridiculous things I’ve seen people put on their trucks.

      • LOL, thank you for passing that one on, now I can’t shake the image, haha! Yeah, that spot looks about right, and I live in about an equally rural area, and even when you call the police yourself to come help you, it still takes them some time to get out there – county vs. city limits and all.

      • I just had a thought, too; what police department would show up? We’ve had issues where, since we’re in the township, the village police would show, realize it’s out of their area (even though we literally live across the street and two houses down from said village), and then county sheriffs would have to come instead. So I *defy* any police to show up without such a snafu, and that quickly, if she’s in such a rural area.

      • ahahahahahahahaha I love anything that makes Micah seem ridiculous and not really really awful.

        Apparently the police found out about the shooting before it took place.

  2. “I just had a massive shootout on my property. How am I going to convince the police me and my friends (and I use that term very loosely) are innocent?”

    Oh, I don’t know Anita. Maybe you could say that a snake-man burst in with a shotgun against someone’s throat, the whole place was surrounded, and things sort of dissolved from there? You know…that thing law-enforcement calls the truth?

    (insert Jack Nicholson gif here. You know which one I mean.)

    Even if they detain you, that should still buy you all enough time for the police to investigate and find out you were – at least partly – acting in self-defence. I’m pretty sure if your house gets surrounded by gun-wielding snake-people * you’re allowed to shoot back.

    *I’m a grown man and I just used the phrase ‘gun-wielding snake-people’ in a sentence. I’m going to find a corner and weep for a bit.

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