A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter thirty seven


The bedroom was empty when he kicked the door shut behind us.

Lucky that Nathaniel has vanished isn’t it. Convenient. Not that Anita has noticed because she is sooooo caught up in Richard. He puts her down on the bed because his manly knees are weak and he’s so tall that his feet hang off the bed and rest on the floor.

That happens to me. I think that unless you’re three feet tall that happens to 99% of people. Again, Anita is apparently the world’s angriest hobbit. They laugh together until Anita touches his face. My god, what is with these people and face touching? She looks at him and he’s ‘eager’ yet ‘fragile’. She kisses him, her lips as ‘delicate as butterflies blown by a warm summer wind’. Yes. Butterflies on your face are sexeh.  Richard pulls out pillows and ‘propped himself up’ which… he’s sat up? I think?

Richard wants to ‘run his beast through you, Anita’. Sounds filthy. Anita isn’t sure about anything otherworldly during her sex.

Excuse me.

laugh

Yeah, whatever.

Anita asks what Richard wants and he is vague and says ‘this’ which could mean anything from sex to that really lovely new toaster she got. He smashes his beast into her and ‘his power rubbed through me like a velvet glove’. Anita raises her up and the beasts rub together. There are a lot of really awful descriptions but it really means orgasms for all!!!!

Anita is like ‘omg best orgasm evur’ and apparently this is another sign that she’s a true Nimir-Ra. Of course it is. Everything is a sign that Anita is a true Nimir-Ra and the greatest leopard queen of all time. Richard did it before with Raina, although Raina raped him and Anita is amazed that anyone would not want to have sex with someone who could make them feel the world’s greatest orgasms evur.

Oh, I wonder why.

His finger slid up the inside of my thigh, in the hollow just below.

So, your knee then.

“No amount of pleasure was worth her price.”

The price is torture I’m guessing. But this seems to imply that you should be happy to be raped if you would possibly derive enjoyment from it. *grits teeth*

Two things happened at once; he kissed me, and his finger slid inside of me. I screamed against his mouth, back arching, fingernails digging into his shoulder, as his finger found that small spot and thrust over and over it, until he brought me again.

Is it just me, or does this remind you of Roxy from Scott Pilgrim?

You touch Anita once and she just explodes. And screams.

Anita now has apparently lost all her senses and is just pushed down on the bed and has her shorts removed. Isn’t it lovely to see a woman assertive and interested in sex? Richard rubs her body until he thinks it’s right for him to jab his knob inside her.

Anita is just laid on the bed, not saying or doing anything. It’s like she’s dead. How is this sexy?

The moment he rubbed against the outside of me, I felt the rubbery latex of the condom. I looked up at his face, and asked, “How did you know?”

  • Neither of you want children at this point
  • You’ve both slept with other people and haven’t had STD checks recently
  • Using a condom should be standard practice for you both until you decide, within a relationship, that you do not wish to use them anymore
  • that is a cheesy as shit line

“Do you really think Jean-Claude would warn me about the ardeur and not warn me that you weren’t on birth control?”

Douchewad, that should be your default practice. Even on birth control, there is a chance she could get pregnant. And birth control doesn’t do anything against STDs.

“Good point,” I said.

“No,” he said, “this is.”

laser anger eyes

Richard humps away, not caring for how Anita feels, just pounds away until she’s in pain while she lies there. Anita stops him to ask why he’s not holding back any more than then realises ‘You’ve always been holding back, haven’t you?’

Yes he has. Because of that conflict that has been rumbling on since book three that he might wolf out and eat you during sex.

“How careful have you been of me, Richard?”

 

 

 

 

I am not going to explode. I am just going to repeat that Anita has been aware of this conflict for seven books by now.

There was something close to pain in his eyes. He whispered, “Very.”

I’ll take ‘How terrible is LKH at writing?’ for two thousand, please.

He stares at Anita’s face and resumes humping. Anita tells him to not be careful. Richard pounds at her until HE’S LITERALLY POUNDING HER BODY AND SHE STARTS GETTING BRUISES AND ACTUAL INJURIES. I guess she consented, but it feels sort of nebulous. I think it’s best to err on the side of caution as she hasn’t given a ‘yes’ to actual bodily injuries.

Anita lies on the bed and screams.

I don’t find sex scenes where the woman doesn’t even have to be alive or conscious for it to happen to be interesting.

They laugh about how they need showers but can’t walk to them.

I’m going to go play Fable and kill Hobbes. That will appease my anger.

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9 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter thirty seven

  1. •”You’ve both slept with other people and haven’t had STD checks recently”

    He’s a werewolf therefore he’s immune. Which is pretty much the only rule in the world which has stayed consistent.

    • Though if he had recently had sex he can still have contaminated secretions on himself or under his foreskin, even if he himself is immune. They brought it up in a later book to wear a condom, as Apnits was about to have sex with a random vampire, and never mentioned this possibility again. It’s like LKH has a brief moment of insight and forgot all about it.

  2. If your characters can have sex for two chapters straight (and one of them ends up with actual injuries), you should probably write about them visiting a doctor in the next scene. I know asking for realism in a series based around sex, necromancy, were-people and sex but come on LKH, give your audience a break if not your characters.

    Hang on, I’ve just been given something…
    (reads note)
    This just in, the search for the plot continues into the thirty eighth chapter. A plot point about kidnapped wereleopards was seen almost thirty chapters ago, but that was discovered to be nothing more than an inciting incident.

  3. “Do you really think Jean-Claude would warn me about the ardeur and not warn me that you weren’t on birth control?”

    Wait, Anita knows for a fact that, until she gets this thing under control, she will be having sex on a (increasingly) regular basis. And she’s not taking birth control? Okay, maybe it’s only been a day or so since she caught it, but come on! The least she could do is have one of her guys run down to the nearest gas station or pharmacy or whatever and pick up a box of condoms. This is just basic responsibility.

    Honestly, with these kinds of precautions, I’m surprised that the baby scare didn’t come sooner (and no, I don’t consider that a spoiler).

    • I know about the baby scare because it was bound to happen at some point. Birth control is a second thought to these people, which is a terrible thing. Can you imagine Anita with a kid?

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