A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter twenty nine


Eurgh I had a really stressful knitting day today. I’ve been working on a vintage knitting project for a month but I fucked it up right at the end – a really doofy mistake – only to find out that the wool I was using was awful. Every time I tried to unravel a line, it snapped and fractured and became such a big mess that I had to throw it all out. Teaches me not to use cheap wool, I guess. And now I have a Pacman ghost.

TPhoto_00092

So I guess I’ll just have to make three others and make a set of them. (YOU WILL BUY THEM *GLARE*)

We decided to do it on the deck out back.

… how sanitary. You see, shapeshifters shapeshift in big globs of gunk. It’d be interesting if they ripped off their skin or something, but this is Anita Blake and there can’t be any real gore, ever.

I was not the one who suggested that Gregory would ruin the carpet; it was actually Nathaniel. He was, after all, the person most likely to be vacuuming between housekeeper visits. I wasn’t even sure I knew where the vacuum was.

oh dear god what

  • Anita is so rich and brainless that she doesn’t even consider the damage things might do to her furnishings. I’d like to be that rich, but I’ve lived in rented accommodation for the last four years of my life. I take good fucking care of where I live, even if I’m a bit messy. It’s about being house proud, you know. Just having a bit of pride in yourself. What, are you going to pee on your living room carpet and laugh about it?
  • Anita makes Nathaniel be her actual house slave.
  • Anita makes Nathaniel be her actual house slave despite the fact that she has hired help.
  • Having hired help is one of those things I kind of find disgusting in people who don’t need it. My grandmother has a woman who comes in to help with the cleaning. My grandmother worked fulltime until a few years ago and just doesn’t have the energy to do the more difficult tasks. Anita is an able bodied woman with enough time to NOT GO INTO WORK and owns a small home. She does not need someone to clean for her. Grow up and scrub your own shit.
  • Anita needs to be so unfeminine to make her a ‘good person’ that she doesn’t even know where the vacuum cleaner is. I find that unacceptable.

Anita has finally told Stephen, lol, your brother might die, so he’s holding half naked Gregory because Anita has now got an incest fetish or something. She starts talking about Stephen, who has always been a sort of sexist jackass.

He was submissive, fragile in every walk of his life, but in that moment he laid a demand on me with his eyes, his face, the pain that showed in the set of his shoulders, the fierce way he touched his brother, who was still huddled in his lap, just a fall of long pale curls and paler skin.

Um, what? Since when? That’s not Stephen. Stephen’s always been an abrasive, assertive asshole. You’re mixing up your characters now. Are they just as unmemorable to you as they are to me?

Anita realises that Stephen wants his brother to live!

Thanks for that. I’d never be able to work out that Stephen might want his brother to live.

Vivian asks that Anita try to call Gregory’s beast and headbutts Anita in the legs until she agrees. Anita notices that Vivian is really scared and unhappy, almost as if Anita shot Elizabeth multiple times and put her in the hospital for having the temerity to point out that Anita’s leadership is shit. Get used to it, Anita. If you want to take over the world and commit crimes against humanity, you’ll have to ignore the fears of ordinary people.

And I couldn’t undermine the lesson by reassuring Vivian that I wouldn’t shoot her.

Don’t make me Godwin. I am so close to drawing analogies between Anita and various dictators who have enjoyed nothing more than killing lots of people in horrible ways. I don’t want to do it, but Anita does not help herself. Anita then looks at Merle and thinks that he is dangerous because… um, he isn’t about to take your shit any time soon? Cherry is stood around naked, like a good object, and Caleb is prowling her and ogling her. This is a big NO NO but Anita’s not going to defend a woman any time soon.

You only noticed nudity if you’d been invited to have sex. Short of that, you pretended everyone was as neuter as a Barbie doll.

For a start, YOU’RE noticing Cherry’s nakedness. And I don’t like the use of the word ‘neuter’. I guess that’s what it means, but neuter only means, you know, chopping out an animal’s balls to me. ‘Sexless’ or ‘plastic’ might have been better.

Zane growls at Caleb, and Caleb laughs. Anita sighs about not needing a trouble maker on her hands, so decides to… do nothing. Lillian hovers over Gregory with a huge needled, Claudia and Igor stand around with guns, Nathaniel is there. Anita kneels by Stephen and Gregory. She announces that, gasp, she’s actually remembered that she has the ability to heal people and she’s going to try and do that now.

“Then how will you heal him?” Merle asked.

“With the munin.”

“How will a werewolf ghost help you heal a wereleopard?”

I shook my head. “I’ve healed the leopards before using the munin.”

Then why did it take you so long to remember it?

Cherry is surprised because apparently you can’t heal people without sex – beleeleeeggghhhhhh – and Anita calls herself a ‘slut’. Sigh. Anita looks down at Gregory, strokes his hair like a ‘child’ – stop talking about children when you talk about sex! – and thinks about how he’s so submissive. She looks at him and can’t find him attractive because gasp he’s a friend. Stephen reminds her how he talked to her when she healed Nathanvile and dry humped him to magic power orgasm.

“I think of him more like a child, no offense.”

“You think more like a parent than a seducer; that’s a good thing.”

WOULD YOU STOP IT.

Anita says that Raina doesn’t want to help the werewolves and that Raina would molest Gregory if she came out and that she’d want a messy reward and Stephen goes ‘Oh, how messy?’ even though HE’S A WEREWOLF AND IS IN THE PACK AND WOULD KNOW ALL ABOUT RAINA, YOU GOOBER. Cherry points out that Anita can use the leopards as a balance and Anita has an existential crisis about whether she’s really the leopard queen. Anita hands over her gun to Claudia and has to re-explain that Raina is a murderous psycho.

arhrgrhsgrhrgrhgrhgrhrrhrgrhrh

Anita goes on about how she can’t control Raina at all and Caleb makes the very good point that Anita can’t control this. Anita then retorts she can, so Caleb asks why make all the precautions. And tells everyone that SHE CAN’T FUCKING CONTROL ITashsdjsdjdfh

Merle orders Caleb to shut up. Anita strips.

I never undressed in front of people unless I absolutely had to.

Liar. Remember The Killing Dance? When you ran around in St. Louis in just a pair of pants and holding a gun? Or the end of Obsidian Butterfly?

The black bra I was wearing covered more than most swimsuits, but there’s something about letting people see you in your underwear that just makes all us good little girls squirm.

Unless you’re wearing a full body suit, you’re an idiot Anita. Plus that ‘all us good little girls’ schtick sticks in my throat. Anita, you have tortured a man. You are not a ‘good little girl’.

Caleb leers and says ‘Black lace, I like it’. Urghhhh. Merle yells at him and Caleb starts to sulk. Anita tells Merle off for questioning her authoritah and Merle smirks and says that Anita might have to shoot Caleb. Ha ha it is to laugh. Merle says he’s bothered about how Anita might fail at being a leader (yeah, ‘might’ fail. I think that boat has sailed a very long time ago). Anita stares down at Gregory but just can’t feel lusty. Stephen suggests that Anita calls Raina and Stephen will work on getting Raina turned on.

what is my life.

Anita thinks how Stephen is such a victim – since when? – and Stephen says he’ll get Raina good and interested in Gregory.

Um, that’s a really bad thing. Why do you want Raina interested in Gregory? She’s a sexual sadist, why do you think anything good will happen from this?

Gah, I’m going to eat my potato soup and sulk about wool.

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