A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter twenty seven


Just to confirm, Richard and Anita are now going into The Fucking Hole ™. Micah appears to confirm how brave Anita is being about going into the hole. Anita is upset about going into the hole. I’m not going to cover it because it is generic ‘oh right Anita totally has the claustrophobia even though it only came up a few books ago because I have it’.

She steps off the ladder onto the pile of bones.

They were deep and yet you didn’t sink into them, rather walked on top of them like a saint treading on water.

Anita Christ can now walk on bones. It’s truly a miracle.

Micah called from way, way above us, “Are you alright?”

It took me two tries to say, “Fine, we’re fine.”

Micah pulled back from the opening, a dark dot against the paler grayness.

Greyness of what? You said the pit was pitch black and the sky is dark.

“My god, how far down are we?”

You’re not in the hole, Micah. You’re not in the middle of the earth. The pit is sixty feet deep so I’m not sure how they got away with building this thing. Gregory is trussed up and Anita says this must have been uncomfortable to be so pinned for three days –

wait, three days? THREE DAYS? The time in this book is weird. Anita apparently spent three days lying around screwing people and not trying to help Gregory.

ANITA BLAKE YOU ARE THE WORST. THE VERY WORST.

Anyway, Gregory’s been bound up in silver chains and he’s got silver-tipped earplugs in his ears and while silver chains have burnt his skin all the ear plugs have done is pop his ear drums. Consistency, your book needs it.

Anita is horrified by these ear plugs.

“Remember, Marcus was a doctor. He knew all kinds of medical supply places. Places that would make things.”

Marcus was a surgeon. Medical supply places wouldn’t design him silver earplugs. For a start, surgeons who work at hospitals have to get equipment through the hospital. Medical supply places don’t design torture equipment for random people who claim they have a medical degree! That’s not how that works!

It’s fine anyway because Gregory will heal right up when he changes. Can’t have any permanent consequences. Anita stares in Gregory’s face as the blindfold is removed and is displeased that ‘he didn’t look relieved enough’. He’s probably angry because it took you three days to find him. Anita pulls the gag from his mouth.

He worked his mouth slowly, and for some odd reason I was reminded of the scene from The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy puts oil on the Tin Man’s jaw after he’s been rusted. The image should have made me smile, but it didn’t.

That’s probably because parts of Gregory’s lips peeled away as you removed the gag. I generally don’t think of happy family films when things like that happen. Richard forcibly straightens Gregory up and this causes him unbearable agony. Well done Richard. Gregory’s body is covered with unhealed needle marks because of silver needles. This is exactly how Raina used to punish people so someone in the pack has been helping Jacob do his awful evil.

Yeah, maybe they did it because you gave them permission to do it, Richard. Asshole.

Anita then rhapsodises about how she could never torture anyone. Even though she has already done this and clearly shows no qualms about torturing Jacob by shoving him in a hole.

up with this i will not put

Anita says that all this was done as a challenge to Richard’s authority. Um, no. He ordered this to be done, remember? He phoned you up and said how Gregory was going to be brutally murdered for murdering you. The pack was carrying out Richard’s orders. You can’t be angry with them FOR DOING WHAT HE TOLD THEM TO DO.

Anita is angry that Richard can’t punish his pack. Richard is dismayed because he got rid of the punitive system because it’s not democratic.

Of course, no democratic system ever has ever had a system of trial and punishment.

I don’t think I have it in me to explain just how wrong that is.

“If you continue this… experiment in democracy and gentler, kinder laws, people are going to die.”

LKH, why do you hate democracy? Please, explain it to me why all these human beings who have been brought up in a democratic system cannot have a democratic pack system. Because as a biologist, I think you should know that when it comes to nature .vs. nurture, nurture generally wins out in more complicated life forms – like, I don’t know, HUMANS. Why the hell would they suddenly become all animalistic? They don’t know how to be animals. They’re all humans, who have been brought up in a democratic and free country. Why should they, upon getting infected in ADULTHOOD, suddenly want to live as pseudo wolves? To torture each other, and to eat each other, and to rape without a second thought?

You could present it as a battle between man and his animal nature, like Jekyll and Hyde. But you just present it as being this… mess about how having the freedom to vote and live whatever lifestyle you want is bad.

Women died so you can be free. There are women across the world who are being killed because they are fighting to get the same rights as we have. But for some reason you’ve decided to write SEVEN HUNDRED WORDS on why democracy is awful and we should all live in a fascist autonomy.

Can you just think before you start writing for once?

Anita starts trying to say how much she loves the people who value on her for their safety but, yeah, whatever. I’d rather rely on Ted Bundy for my safety. Anita is angry because Richard kicked her out of the pack even though it’s werewolf law and he can’t do a thing about it. Anita begs Richard to make an example of Jacob and his followers, which I’m guessing will involve butcher’s hooks and lots and lots of surgical thread.

“Make them fear you, Richard. Make them fear you. Machiavelli said it nearly six hundred years ago, but it’s still true. Every ruler should strive for his people to love him. But if they cannot love you, then make them fear you. Love is better, but fear will do the job.”

laughing blessed

Yes, why not follow in the footsteps of Josef Stalin and enact your own bloody massacres?

This is also just so hilarious as an early modern historian. Ha, LKH, your history is appalling. ‘The Prince’ is commonly regarded as a satire on the nature of kingship. It’s laughing at those who think that’s a great system of government! It is MOCKING ANITA’S ENTIRE ATTITUDE AND YOU DON’T EVEN REALISE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE LAZY AND COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO RESEARCH WHAT THE PRINCE ACTUALLY SAYS.

A government based on fear and intimidation also collapses. A cursory glance at any history at all would tell you that.

Anyway, they get Gregory out The Fucking Hole and Jacob is waiting for them, trussed up in silver chains. They prep him for the hole and oh know the WHHHOOOOAWAR Paris probably told Jacob about the ear plugs and Richard tells Anita to go home. Micah and Anita go off hand in hand.

oh god this fucking book. it’s like a hole of misery.

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9 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Narcissus in Chains’ chapter twenty seven

  1. This whole torture scenario confused me the first time I read it, and it still does. Because to my understanding, silver causes injuries that will not heal and are permanent–Micah’s balls being snipped were done with silver knives to make sure it took–yet silver earplugs bursting Gregory’s eardrums aren’t permanent? WTF? I remember thinking the torture was meant to be so vicious *because* he’d be permanently deafened, and….that wasn’t what happened.

  2. Brian Blessed for the win. Also, three days in a dark pit, mortally wounded…I’m sorry for being a parrot, but YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON ANITA. Course this isn’t coming back to haunt her. Because that would involve consequence and drama. Also, I was just as confused as you are about them NOT being in the hole apparently.

  3. Taking bets on how long it will be until one of these books is just named ‘The Fucking Hole’. Presumably after Jean-Claude’s newest whorehouse or something.

  4. The reason LKH hates democracy and turned humans into animals who can’t govern themselves is because this is the environment where her SI runs around and is SuperAwesome. This way, Anita gets to be in charge of everything and do whatever she wants and always save the day- and it’s right and justified that she should do so. She’s the hero, after all.
    It’s just… LKH playing with her Barbies. They go where she wants them to go and do what she wants them to, and there’s no logic or timeline because in Playing With Barbies Fantasies, things just happen when she wants them to.
    I just can’t believe this woman’s personal wank-fodder brain vomit gets published.

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