Anyway, JC is regaling us all with how Julianna was going to be a sex slave but Asher just couldn’t bear to see that happen. Not because he was worried about her, mind. He was worried about his possession getting damaged.
“Arturo liked it rough?”
“Mother Nature made it almost impossible for Arturo to have it any way but rough. […] He is bien outille, well tooled. Ah, what is the English?… Hung like a horse.”
That’s right – Arturo is too big to have sex with a woman without hurting her. That sound you hear is me smacking myself in the head with my wrist stumps.
“… you’re implying that you feared for Julianna’s safety because he was so big.”
NO SHIT. THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT HE JUST SAID.
They talk about this for a page because Anita Just Does Not Get It and talks about how every man she knows has a simply enormous penis. Anita mentions that one of her would-be rapists in OB had a huge cock which makes JC sigh out how he fell in love with her at first sight.
Nice segue, jackass.
JC then informs us that Arturo’s dick was a foot long. Um, why couldn’t Asher object to his lover being forced to sleep with another man because, you know, that’s rape? Why did it have to turn into battle of the cock monsters? Arturo’s cock was also six inches wide. That’s the size of my wrist. So, basically, Arturo had a forearm for junk.
This is so ridiculous.
Anyway, Julianna believed Arturo’s monster cock wouldn’t hurt her because she knew the secret way of sex, as taught to her by JC and Asher. He won’t tell Anita what it was and she drops the question. She then asks again if all five of them really had sex. The conversation then moves onto jealousy, as Anita is worried about JC’s feelings if she has to feed with another man. This is the man who tried to buy his way out of trouble by having you raped, I don’t think he cares that much. JC says Anita is like a child. I agree, but not in any way that you’d find complimentary.
“You are simultaneously one of the most direct women I know, and one of the most self-deluding.”
… hahahahahaha, oh, I believe that, but not about Anita.
JC is happy for Anita to sleep with Nathanvile and Jason but stresses there are men he will not allow her to sleep with. She can have Asher and Micah but warns that other men may come calling.
“Please, don’t tell me I’m going to turn into slut-girl.”
*blinks* I wouldn’t. However you choose to express your sexual identity is cool with me. But you don’t have to be ashamed of yourself.
JC says she may well turn into ‘slut-girl’ (great, insulting your girlfriend because you gave her magic STD nice) if Anita doesn’t feed the ardeur. Wow, that’s so effective the fiftieth time said. He tells her to have Nathaniel as her sex slave, again.
Something occurred to me. “I haven’t seen Damien around.”
That was abrupt. That was so abrupt I think I’ve got whiplash. Remember Damien? He’s Anita’s human servant and we haven’t seen him for two books. He is descended from one of BM’s line – of course he is – and JC and Damien have a shared power, or something. JC makes his vampires alive, except not, because they’re vampires and they’re dead. They rehash Damien’s history for a page and Anita finally asks where Damien is after not caring about him for a year and a half.
YOU ARE THE WORST.
Damien’s been inside a cross wrapped coffin for six months because Anita’s lack of giving a shit drove him mad. Anita, your own canon confirms you are the worst now. Anita is now angry because Damien is ‘mine to protect’.
You left him for a year and a half. You didn’t care.
JC has been blocking her from ‘sensing’ him
lkh forgot about damien because Damien would have seduced Anita and she might have had sex with someone because she wants to. Anita wants to get Damien out but she can’t do this while tending to an injured wereleopard. Yeah, remember Gregory? What time is it now, in text? Is someone going to start caring about something other than fucking?
“Believe what you like, but it will take hours of care to make Damien sane again. It will take days of care, and blood, and warmth, to bring him back to himself.”
Wow, hours of care. There goes all the tension that might occur from treating a mentally unstable vampire.
“How could you know all that and still do this to him?”
Oh no, Damien will be… ill for a few days. That’s awful, I say, with a medical condition for which I will be on medication for the rest of my life. But NOES being ill for a few days! That’s dreadful!
JC turns on the pity parade by whining about how he was in the coffin and how he might have killed Damien, would she have liked that? She didn’t care about him until five minutes ago, so I don’t think she would have noticed.
Also Damien murdered an innocent married couple. Um, isn’t that an automatic death sentence? But nope, because Anita finds him attractive, he gets to live.
“Do you think the insanity is permanent?”
JC just told you it wouldn’t even last a week. What the hell is wrong with Anita’s brain? Anita says she is very angry about this and it ruins their relationship or something. JC says she can’t fight the ardeur and that she should sleep with Nathanvile or Micah. I need a mean nickname for Micah.
Anita talks to people and they confirm Damien is a murderous psychopath which makes Anita SAD. Nathanvile and Anita drive out somewhere and Anita thinks about all the plot points so far. I’m glad she’s reminding us because they were kinda lost in the sex dribble. Anita then thinks how God is totally okay with everything she does because God… hasn’t stopped her.
That sounds like the justification of a serial killer. Since when has God intervened in human events? That’s not been a part of Christian ideology for three hundred years. Anita is the most self-centred little stain on the planet. ‘Jesus himself hasn’t come down and told me I’m doing wrong, so I must be doing right!’
Anita prays and feels God’s presence. That is a really weird way to end this chapter.