I found myself in possession of Cerulean Sins, the next but one for reviewing. Do you know how much I paid for it? 15 pence. That’s 25 cents, I think. I don’t think I’ve ever paid so little for a second hand book.
I think that this chapter is solidly fighting. And I hate LKH’s fight scenes. Her writing style, which often leaves the narrative over saturated with everything aside from what is happening, does not work with fight scenes.
The people in the car Anita’s crew were bothering have machine guns. They tell the crew to put their hands on the hood of the car and stand in a search position. Anita doesn’t do a good job of it, so gets kicked. Hey, this chapter’s looking up already! She is searched for weapons but all of Edward’s – ahem – ‘James Bond’ gadgets pass muster. She is allowed to approach the house.
Anita does not like the house. She calls it ‘deformed’. A black man calls her a ‘little bitch’ because she is short. Someone has trouble finding a wand. BM asks her about the sunglasses, but isn’t really interested in them. Attention then switches to Edward, who is called the ‘Undertaker’ and was trained by a man called Van Cleef. Sadly, Edward did not used to be a pro-wrestler. The narrative then devolves into a great big pissing contest about who’s got the highest kill count. Surprise surprise, Anita has the bestest record of killing people.
It’s two pages of wanking over killing people.
*swears herself into a huff and goes off to watch an episode of Rev*
The plot is already being outpaced by adventurous snails! Stop wanking! Start writing!
A guy called Deuce appears with a wand. It beeps over Edward’s body armour, so he has to strip it off. Anita says it’s odd that Edward is saying things, considering that he’s a ‘man of few words’ which is complete and utter bollocks. Anita gets searched with the metal detector and the hired goons find a transmitter of some sort. It gets destroyed and the hired goons ask Edward about who’s tracking the crew for a page. The hired goons decide not to beat up Anita – BOOOOOOOOOOO – and tells Edward to bring Olaf and Bernardo up to the house. There are vague threats to shoot Edward in the head but Anita bluffs about needing him for the spell.
A guy called Mickey then punches Anita unconscious.
There are two pages of blathering about Anita’s unconsciousness until Mickey offers to carry her. Anita refuses and then screams about how she’s going to vomit. Mickey then picks her up and they talk about how strong he is. He’s like proper strong, as compared to body builders, because he can successfully lift Anita without any problems.
That’s crap. Guys skinnier than I am have been able to carry my weight quite comfortably. I’m about ten stone, size ten. Size ten is about size six in the US, I think. Anita, she of the curves and yet with no weight, could be carried by the guys I know. Hell, she could even be carried by most of the girls I know.
I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THE POINT OF THIS CHAPTER
This chapter should have been thrown out and completely rewritten. It didn’t add anything to this book, other than ‘oooohh Anita has killed loads of people!’ which I don’t find cool.