A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Obsidian Butterfly’ chapter thirty


Anita rolls her eyes so much they fall out of her head.

No, that doesn’t happen, but it ought to. You see, Donna wants to be nice and greet everyone. Anita rolls her eyes and suspects she’s up to something else.

Call it a hunch, but I was betting it was me she wanted to see. The house was arranged so that you couldn’t enter the three guest bedrooms without going through the dining room. Donna wanted to make sure where I was, and that I hadn’t been in anyone’s bed but my own. Or at least not in Ted’s.

Firstly, you don’t need to explain what you mean. I get it. Secondly, of course the only other woman in this book is massively jealous and pathologically incapable to trust people! Good manners are always suspicious!

It was Becca who said it. “Why is the rug in front of the door?” I kept calling it a tablecloth because that’s what Edward was using it for, but it still looked like a rug. Kids stick to the basics.

um

why is edward using a rug for a tablecloth?

If it’s a rug, how come it’s long and floppy enough to cover the door?

Why doesn’t the dining room have a door?

Why does LKH think a sheet and a piece of carpet are the same thing?

Why does this read as if it were written by someone who has never interacted with a child, ever?

Why does does read as if it were written by someone who has never interacted with another member of the human race, ever?

WHY IS THERE A RUG FLOATING AROUND THE DINING ROOM DOOR?

WHYYYYYYYY

Bernardo and Olaf then reveal themselves to be holding it up. Komedy? Like, what is stopping them from closing the door and telling Donna and the kids that it’s got confidential files that they can’t see in the room? Why doesn’t anything make sense in these books?

Edward tells Donna there are pictures she and the kids can’t see, so Donna goes off with her boxes into the kitchen. Becca says she wants to see them – KOMEDY LAUGH DAMN YOU – and Peter gets all mangry about it.

“What sort of pictures?” he asked.

“Bad ones,” Edward said.

“How bad?”

“Anita,” Edward said.

Why does he need Anita to clarify it? Just tell him that he’s not allowed to see them because it’s the law.

“Some of the worst I’ve seen, and I’ve seen some awful stuff,” I said.

“I want to see,” Peter said.

I said, “No.”

fucking riveting stuff

Edward said nothing, just looked at him.

Peter scowled at us. “You think I’m a baby.”

what fourteen year old fucking talks like that?

“I wouldn’t want your mom to see them either,” Edward said.

“She’s a wimp,” he said.

I agreed with him, but not out loud.

WHY IS SHE A ‘WIMP’ ANITA? BECAUSE SHE IS TRAUMATISED AFTER SEEING HER HUSBAND EATEN BY A WEREWOLF BEFORE HER EYES? WHAT MAKES YOU SO BRAVE AND NOBLE? IS IT YOUR SEXISM, YOUR RACISM, OR YOUR ABLEISM? OR THE FACT YOU THINK HAVING A GUN MAKES YOU BRAVE? STRENGTH COMES IN MANY WAYS, SHAPES, AND FORMS. ANITA IS NOT A STRONG CHARACTER, BECAUSE SHE FUCKING FAINTS IN THE PRESENCE OF DANGER. DONNA HAD TO SEE HER CHILD KILL A LIVING CREATURE BEFORE HER EYES BUT DID NOT BREAK, DID NOT FALTER, JUST KEPT ON GOING FOR THE SAKE OF HER CHILDREN.

SIT AND SWIVEL ON A FUCKING PITCHFORK ANITA, DONNA IS FAR BRAVER THAN YOU COULD EVER BE.

Edward then defends Donna, which annoys Anita no end, and then it all descends into wanking over Anita because she’s the tuffest and greatest and bravest and the most special snowflake who ever fell from heaven and landed in a freshly laid pile of shit.

“Part of the problem with the tough-guy code,” I said, “is that a lot of it can’t be explained.”

um bullshit much

like

my stepdad is pretty tough because he’s tall and strong and if you were to hurt one of us, he would come after you. Like, a guy elbowed my mum in the face in a mosh pit and he went around lifting every bloke off the floor and shaking them until he got the right one (who had scarpered at this point)

but it’s like

the other guys at the Office – our local pub – were the sort of people who would glass you in the face for looking at them funny. I mean, they were nice guys, and they liked me and would give me money and crisps and things, but they were not guys to mess around with. That’s what LKH doesn’t get, and why her tuffness talks sound so phoney. Because I’ve been around hard men. And hard men in the UK tend to be harder than the US, mainly because we don’t have a lot of gun crime here. To be a hard man requires being good with your fists. Hard men don’t go around boasting about how tough they are or making florid threats. They just break a pint glass into your hand and squeeze it into a fist. Or smash your head into the side of a pool table. Or punch you in the stomach so hard you vomit down your front.

there’s no elaborate rules or code to being a ‘tough man’

so shut up

you sound so childish

Edward, Peter, and Anita then go on about how she’s not like any other woman and that Donna’s jealous of her – yeah, right, our Donna is much too good for that – then edward starts this pissing match where he tries to get peter to see the pictures. he lets peter go in and see them and peter proves that he is tuff and edward is proud. Because Edward really loves him, let’s ignore when it was pretty much implicit that he was going to kill Peter.

And then it turns out that Edward loves Donna deep down, even if as Olaf says, she is ‘too innocent’.

 

 

 

excuse me i had to vomit through my eyeballs

Bernardo then asks how good Donna is in bed

 

 

 

 

wow that really hurts when you vomit out your eyeballs

Bernardo thinks Edward should marry Donna, so Anita says he has more scruples than the serial rapist and murderer

 

 

 

OH GOD A THIRD TIME NO MORE I SAY

anyway Edward and Anita are skipping off to a crime scene, leaving a woman and two vulnerable children with Olaf

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT DID MY EYEBALLS EVER DO TO YOU TO DESERVE THIS?

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6 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Obsidian Butterfly’ chapter thirty

  1. Clearly only a tough man can be trusted with the kids. Olaf must be tough, because he is a crazed rapist murderer just like Anita. Therefore, he is a perfect babysitter.

    BLAKE LOGIC, BITCHES.

  2. WRT to the tablecloth/rug thing there is a type of wool(?) blanket in the US sold in a lot of roadside stores advertised as “Indian blankets”. They’re quite popular and get used as light blankets, window coverings, rugs, etc. So that made sense to me. As for holding it up to cover the doorway, southwestern US houses tend to have doorways but no doors in public rooms, to facilitate airflow and keep the house cooler. So there was some logic there.
    …Can’t believe I didn’t realize how incredibly racist Anita was the first time I read these. I know I liked this one because it’s one of the few books that doesn’t have Anita fucking or angsting (much) about fucking anyone.”
    So much fail.

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