Maybe I’d have been afraid of that revelation, but the vampires began to flow out towards us.
What revelation? You worked out you were a sociopath in Burnt Offerings. And why did all the vampires leave to come back immediately? What the fuck was the point of the last chapter?
Papa walks around with four female vampires, and some male Aztec vampires come around.
And LKH’s vampirism has turned them white.
His skin was the colour that old ivory sometimes gets, not a pale gold, but a pale copper, palest bronze.
In order to describe a man of colour, LKH MUST frame him as white.
Let me repeat that.
IN ORDER TO DESCRIBE A MAN OF COLOUR, LKH MUST FRAME HIM AS WHITE.
WHAT THE HELL? WHY ARE YOU SO RACIST?
There is a full page of descriptions of random vampires, but I don’t care. They wave around obsidian weapons. The gang all stand together. The vampires stare at the dead vampire on the floor, and Olaf says ‘You can check his pulse if you want’ because winding people with weapons up is a great idea. Papa says none of them feels regret, and I have no idea how she can sense that, and says that they’re scared of being eaten by vampires. She will not let them feed, they can only ‘feed as gods feed’.
“I don’t mean to be insulting, my apologies if I am being insulting, but we came here to talk about the murders. I would like to ask you some questions.”
LKH, you’re forgetting what you wrote in the last chapter. Papa willingly offered to answer questions about the mutilations and Anita didn’t even bring it up. Anita didn’t give a shit. Papa wanted to help. GOD I HATE THIS BOOK. Papa then says… she isn’t a god, even though it wasn’t asked?
“I’m a Christian. You saw that when the cross glowed. That means I’m a monotheist, so if you guys are gods, then it’s something of a problem for me.” That was so diplomatic, even I was impressed.
That’s not diplomatic at all. You’ve basically said ‘I’m a Christian, so fuck your religion, it’s not as important as mine’. Anita then calls Papa a ‘self-proclaimed goddess’ when nothing of the sort has happened. Papa orders a werejaguar to give blood to one of the vampires which involves slicing the side of his ear open because… reasons. The werejaguar then strips.
The golden tan was an all-over tan, complete with… um, you know. Nude sun bathing, how unhealthy.
- HE IS HISPANIC THAT IS NOT A TAN THAT IS HIS SKIN COLOUR YOU IGNORANT PIECE OF SHIT
- Anita, you have blood orgies in public. You can say ‘buttocks’ and ‘penis’.
The werejaguar then has to slit open his penis for the vampire to feed, which is incredibly stupid and dangerous. You die very quickly if you bleed profusely from your penis. The vampire refuses, so the werejaguar is ordered to do it again. The vampire – ‘Diego’ jesus christ he’s not spanish, he’s Aztec fuckwit – refuses, because he’s not a lover of men. This means he gets whipped by a cat o’ nine tails because…. reasons. Anita tries to intervene and save Diego, and it turns out he actually IS Spanish, one of the original Spanish crusaders who was turned to punish him for eternity.
Now, that is a brilliant idea. I like that.
Papa calls out another of her Spanish-punishment-vampires and reveals that he raped… Aztec nuns. The Aztecs did not have nuns, LKH.
Anita says she feels sorry for the Spanish vampires, that while she understands revenge, she thinks five hundred years is a bit much.
Yeah, the Spanish invaders only decimated the native populations of North, South, and Central America, spreading disease and misery, forcing them into slavery, destroying their cultures, stealing their resources, and ruining their lives. Surely they don’t need any punishment for unleashing colonialism. It wasn’t that bad, after all.
LKH, you have no right to be writing about these issues if you cannot be bothered to even understand the extent of your privilege. Go fuck yourself.
Diego gets whipped a bunch more, and Olaf appears to be surreptitiously masturbating. He asks about how they maintain the whips, which is stupid. Anita is outraged at all of this, because HOW DARE THEY PUNISH THIS POOR EUROPEAN VAMPIRE.
Papa’s female companions are the temple priestesses that Diego raped. So, yeah, I have no sympathy for Diego in this situation.
Papa demands that the werejaguar make a sacrifice, but he can’t get hard because you can’t cut open your penis if it isn’t erect. Apparently. Anita says this and offers to… go wank him off until he can make a sacrifice again?
She takes ‘Seth’ away. ‘Seth’. The man IS AN AZTEC WHY THE FUCK IS HE CALLED ‘SETH’? She strokes his hair, which is blond. Oh, does being made into a vampire turn you into an Aryan supergod? She smells him and he smells like candy. She brushes her lips across his skin, which males his ‘pale hairs’ stand on end, and then he wraps himself around her. They kiss and he instantly goes hard again. Anita hands him over to Chualtalocal, and I have no idea who that is, and he’s ready to slice himself open again. Diego leaps at the opportunity to drink some blood – or another vampire, but I have no idea. LKH’s muddy writing strikes again!
He was sucking at it the way that Diego had sucked at Seth’s ears, except this wasn’t an ear. The vampire had covered almost every inch of Seth with his mouth.
congrats for working out that ears aren’t penises
I looked away again and found myself meeting the dead eyes of the four fallen nuns.
- They weren’t nuns.
- You specify them as ‘fallen women’, forcing them to identify under a Christian belief system, and IMPLYING THAT THEY CONSENTED TO THEIR BRUTALISATION AND RAPE.
- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
Seth gets sucked off but isn’t allowed to cum. Papa says that the gang have full hospitality and may have Seth if they like.
I suddenly know what she meant by hospitality.
Because you didn’t know what it meant before?
Somehow I didn’t think that was Aztec culture, though if I remembered correctly, hadn’t some of the Aztecs sent Cortes and his men women along with food and gold? Maybe this wasn’t any different.
Anyway, dawn is approaching and Papa will only answer questions if someone fucks Seth. Because that’s how politics work.
PAPA WANTED TO ANSWER QUESTIONS IN THE LAST CHAPTER WHY DID SHE SUDDENLY HAVE TO HAVE A WHIPPING FEST? WHY? WHY? WAS IT TO SHOW OFF THE SUPER AMAZING RESEARCH YOU DID ON AZTECS? BECAUSE THIS MAKES NO SENSE! THE NARRATIVE WAS HEADING TOWARDS A INTERVIEW WITH PAPA THEN SUDDENLY VEERED OFF BECAUSE LKH GOT BORED OF HER OWN PLOT! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN.
Anita refuses, because she doesn’t do casual sex. Ha, you dryhumped Nathaniel in a hospital bed the second time you met. Anita asks for the room to be cleared, now that all those vampires who left came back inexplicably, but Papa says that anything said in this room will remain confidential.
Papa says vague things about how skins are sacred to some Aztec gods and that they had eyelids and tongues removed to stop spreading secrets. Anita asks why they were skinned of their sex organs, but Papa says that sounds Spanish.
“But the flaying and taking the organs, that’s more Aztec than European.”
OH YES OF COURSE BECAUSE EUROPEANS ARE PERFECT LITTLE WHITE LAMBS OF INNOCENCE WHO NEVER DID A THING TO HURT ANYONE ELSE
Flaying was used as a punishment for traitors in some areas of medieval Europe. Organ removal was also part of the public executions of traitors in Europe. So fuck your racism.
Papa explains that sacrifices had a holy meaning (oh golly gosh what an insight) and that the Spanish taught them to kill for the sake of killing. Anita calls Papa ‘psychotic’ and says that there is forgiveness in her for the Spanish invaders. Yes, because when you’re talking to a group of direct survivors of the Spanish atrocities against the peoples of central America, why don’t you think about the plight of the poor white man?
Anita has learnt that the murders have nothing to do with the Aztecs, which we all knew anyway.
This whole succession of chapters was entirely pointless. And incredibly offensive.
Honestly, I urge you all to go to Amazon and Goodreads. This book is five star rated. But it’s so racist. It’s so racist. Please correct this.