A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Obsidian Butterfly’ chapter six


Anita walks inside the disinfection area, which merits much comment. A nurse called Ben lives inside the disinfection area.

He was tall and slender without looking weak.

Sigh.

I also dislike how she uses ‘weak’. It’s something a villain would say.

Ben tries to make Anita wear scrubs. She does not understand the concept.

“Why do I need the scrubs?”

“To guard against infection.”

I didn’t argue with him. My expertise was more in the line of taking lives, not preserving them.

Anita, you should understand the concept of not contaminating an area. It is what you are supposed to do.

They are KOMICALLY large on Anita and Ben says that ‘we weren’t expecting them to send us a policeman so… petite’. For a start, it’s policewoman or police officer. Secondly, Anita is five three. She is not tiny. Lady Gaga is five one. Kristin Chenoworth is four eleven.

Anita has to go through the rigmarole of ‘oh, but I’m not a cop’ ‘but you’ve got a gun’ ‘oh i’m a vampire executioner’. Whatever. And then Ben makes a big deal about Anita putting on a pair of surgical gloves because Ben is an idiot.

“You’ve put on gloves before.” It wasn’t a question.

“I wear them at crime scenes and when I don’t want blood under my fingernails.”

Yeah, right, Anita. You never wear gloves if you can help it. And what’s the big deal about surgical gloves? I’ve worn surgical gloves before, and I sure as hell have never been to any crime scenes.

Ben is a burns specialist, brought in to deal with the victims who have a lot of open wounds, because open wounds and healing burns are 100% the same thing. I know that there are certain similarities, but surely there are nurses who specialise in treating open wounds? Anita notices that everyone seems upset, which is a very stupid thing to say about people trying to ensure that a group of people don’t die.

The room beyond was white and antiseptic looking, a very hospital of a hospital room.

Why are you an author.

The ward has six beds. On each of them is a patient, with sheets held above them so that they don’t touch. Anita looks down at one of the bodies and the person has been skinned. Anita feels sick, because that is the only way she ever reacts to any victim or crime scene. Doctor Evans comes over and asks her if she’s okay. She then condescendingly explains that clues can be found on the bodies of victims.

Anita then stares down at the body of the victim nearest to wonder if they are male or female.

When the sheet rolled back over the groin, I swayed, just a little. It wasn’t a man. The groin area was smooth and raw. I glanced back at the chest. The bone structure looked male. I shook my head. “Is this a man or a woman?”

Not only is this incredibly invasive – why do you need to stare at this person’s groin? – but this is also a bit rude. Gender is not determined by genitalia, Anita.

The patients are all tied down because they keep trying to get up and out. Anita can’t think of a word to describe a serial torturer, and can’t understand why she was brought in. Surely a human might have done this!

Anita, if they thought a human did it, they wouldn’t have brought you in.

Doctor Evans explains that there are no blade marks on the tissues of the victims. He says it’s almost as if their flesh was dissolved away. He then explains he’s a forensic pathologist, which Anita finds confusing because these victims aren’t dead. No, but there are dead victims, and he’s trying to learn all he can about what happened by studying those who have survived. Those who died had been pulled apart at the joints. Anita thinks that these acts were committed by two people, and refuses to call them ‘killers’. Even though people are dead. She then theorises that it may involve a person with multiple personalities, rather than just acknowledge that some people survive things that others don’t. Or that the perpetrator just might not kill all the time. Either way, Anita blathers on as if she is some sort of expert. Which she isn’t. And has no business in claiming to be so.

Doctor Evans points out that the FBI agent working the case said exactly the same thing. He’s a brave man, calling out the Blake-Hulk. Anita shits all over the work of the FBI and the police by saying that they’re encouraged to commit to ideas and never explore other ideas because they’re taught to be stupid. As opposed to Anita.

Doctor Evans is in awe of her not thinking simply, so she gets another great masturbatory speech about how she’s so amazing and thinks outside the box and how she’s her own boss because her boss is never allowed to criticise her as she’d just walk out of the firm and into another animating job like that.

I can’t imagine any other animating company would want Anita on their books. She comes with a great big cloud of crazy.

Doctor Evans faps about how Anita is Christian, and then she’s all ‘i’m here to stop this all from happening and i have to concentrate on solving the crime’ which is not what her job here is. She’s here as an expert, but it is not her job to solve this case. That is the police and the FBI’s job.

Anita goes around and stares at the other victims until she feels so sick she rushes from the room.

I wish Loki could come on down and smack Anita.

(If you write me crack where Loki stops Anita, and then we run off into the distance, you will be amazing forever)

(pps, there may be big changes coming to the blog soon. I got ten thousand hits last month. Ten thousand. I’m probably going to be seeing if I can make this into a proper website, and I might see if I can get some advertising. Nothing would change to the site, but it might look better. This is all up in the air at the moment, but you know, it would be nice to make the place look a bit fancier!)

(ppps BUTTS)

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8 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Obsidian Butterfly’ chapter six

  1. So does this hospital employ no women? Because Anita is a very average-sized woman, so I imagine gloves for women would suit her just fine.

    Is there some super-special way of putting on plastic gloves that merits commenting on? I really, really hate when she gets complimented for the most inane, basic shit, more so than when people gush about her huge accomplishments because, Sue-ish as that is, at least I can understand why people would gush.

    “I/he/she/they didn’t argue” has become a very hated phrase for me in these books because she uses it in regards to things I don’t even understand why anyone would argue about.

    BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS

    • It’s not the gloves that were too big – it’s the scrubs. That’s what the shirts and pants doctors and nurses wear are called. And the only reason I can see for them being so big on her is so LKH could call Anita “petite”. (God, I’m really starting to hate that word.)

  2. Why is she here? She raises zombies! These are not zombies! She fucks vampires! These are not vampires! She has no relevant experience here! This is the classic Mary Sue trait. She’s invited into things that in real life would be none of her business, and manages to do what none of the people trained to do this can.

    Acid would dissolve the skin. Pour acid on them, wash it off once the skin is dissolved, do it in sections. Has this not occurred to anyone? But that would mean that the killer could be a human, which would render Anita (even more) pointless. And we can’t have that.

    • Anita has to be here because… god forbid she not investigate a murder. LKH can’t think of a better way for her to solve crime. I don’t understand why she didn’t just make Anita a cop who does animating on the side.

      Acid is mentioned, before the good ship FAP ANITA launches away.

  3. Wow, there is just no pleasing Anita, is there? This FBI Agent (who I shall refer to as Agent Cooper until informed otherwise – points if you get the reference) agreed with Anita’s dumb-ass idea, and yet still gets bashed. What is her problem with law enforcement? Is it that they enforce all those stupid laws? What?!

    • ahhhhha i shall nickname him ‘the chin’ from this point

      I have no idea why Anita hates law enforcement. Perhaps she is bitter because they wouldn’t let her join the police. I should imagine that she failed the mental stability test.

  4. I don’t… understand why they’re TIED DOWN. They should be UNCONSCIOUS. Also, fucking wrapped up and BANDAGED so that they don’t die of dehydration and infection, which are the first two killers of burn victims (this kind of explains why Ben is here, since burn victims also involve having huge expanses of no skin, skin grafts, etc). I would assume huge gaping wounds without skin to act as a barrier to TRAP IN MOISTURE AND KEEP OUT INFECTION would be the same no matter what removed it.

    KNOCK THEM OUT AND GET THEM IN SURGERY YOU STUPID HOSPITAL.

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