A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter forty one


This chapter is twenty pages or so. Well, I guess it’s ample warm up for Obsidian Butterfly, which arrived this weekend. It’s…. a brick. With over sixty chapters. If there isn’t at least one dedicated to an Iron Butterfly tribute band, I will be incredibly angry.

Anita wakes up and freaks out because she doesn’t know where she is. Damian is sort of hovering over her, which would make me freak out. There’s faff about wrist watches, and Anita realises she’s been unconscious all afternoon and evening. She asks why she wasn’t taken to hospital. I’d be asking why the people who ‘loved’ me gave me such shitty medical care – before Damian arrived, she appears to have been left on her own, her head on a pillow, and the fact that she’s been unconscious for more than six hours means she was, technically, in a coma. She clearly has had a very serious brain injury, and she was stuck in Marianne’s basement, with no medical care.

The people in these books are so stupid.

Damian says he replaced Richard – well, that explains it, remember the last time Anita had a serious injury in his care? – who has buggered off to the lupanar. Damian calls himself a ‘slave’ and a ‘pet vampire’, and Anita is cross with him for feeling exploited. Damian then adds more pillows for Anita to lie on, as he clearly wants her to die. He then tells us all that Lucy attempted to pull Anita’s arm off, something I don’t remember happening.

“Jesus, a woman scorned.”

She wasn’t the one dumped, Anita.

The conversation swiftly turns to the fact that Damian is sweating and that he has fed tonight. Anita demands to know what is wrong. Damian then announces that Anita’s magical necromancer snowflake powers have made him into her willing servant, and that it is like being hopelessly in love with her but is essentially slavery. It’s basically like imprinting from Twilight. And it stinks as much as that pile of festering waste.

Anita says she doesn’t want to sleep with him, but Damian suddenly makes a good point: that the marks between Richard, Anita, and Jean-Claude draw tighter when she sleeps with them, and that JC is deliberately withholding the information.

Oh, and that Damian has asked JC if he can sleep with Anita, and JC thinks it’s wonderful because it’s a sign Anita is getting more powerful. I think it’s disgusting that JC has decided he’s the master of what Anita can and can’t do. And that he forbade Anita from ever having the knowledge of what he thinks or does or the truth. Why is she even with him? He’s such an abusive asshole.

Anita and Damian discuss the further vampire marks a human may get, and basically you become a vampire without being a vampire. Which is a bit stupid, because why would people become vampires if they can have vampire marks?

Oh, and that no necromancer ever has ever used werewolf ghosts and Anita is the first and bestest necromancer to ever do it.

I am getting buried in this fucking snowdrift.

Anita talks about how the marks may be different when applied to a necromancer, but that she has never bothered asking and JC had never bothered to explain them. Because she NEVER FUCKING CARES ABOUT HER POWERS TO CONTROL THE FUCKING DEAD. BECAUSE LORD FORBID WE HAVE AN ACTIVE AND CURIOUS HEROINE.

Anita says about how this makes her not trust JC.

That makes me very angry.

Anita then says that this just doesn’t seem like Damian. You don’t know anything about Damian, Anita. You have never spent any time with him. Shut up. She then strokes Damian and fills him with POWER, despite going on about how she’s not going to sleep with him. Stop with the mixed messages, Anita.

He laid a soft kiss on my arm. “Am I seducing you, or have you already seduced me?”

…. that’s a bastardised Cure quote.

THAT’S A BASTARDISED CURE QUOTE

THAT’S A BASTARDISED CURE QUOTE

TPhoto_00084

WHY DID YOU EVEN GO THERE

IT’S LIKE SHE KNOWS HOW TO PUSH MY BUTTONS DELIBERATELY

[out of cheese error – reboot required/]

look you may not know but the cure are pretty much my favourite band ever and robert smith is one of my idols and oh god i love them so much you cannot actually fathom how much i adore them and pretty much the easiest way to piss me off entirely is to BASTARDISE A QUOTE FROM ONE OF THEIR SONGS FOR YOUR TERRIBLE VAMPIRE NOVEL

and i know that it’s from ‘The 13th’ i know it is do not lie to me and try and act as if you came up with it yourself

moving on

Anita demands Damian get out, but he’s all ‘oh, but don’t you want to know the other secrets’ and oh god oh god i hate these characters i hate these characters and of course anita jumps at the chance instantly because she has no trust at all in HER VAMPIRE LIFE PARTNER SO WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM?

Damian reveals that him, JC, and Asher are all descended from Belle Morte ‘Beautiful Death’. Do you think that’s clever, LKH? Because I don’t. Why are American vampire novels obsessed with France? What’s so amazing about France? No, that’s unfair. I love France. But why is it always given as the epitome of elegance and style and class in these books? Why are vampires obsessed with France? WHY.

anyway, basically, the vampire council sends out various council members to make lots of new vampires because they are very stupid. It used to be the Queen of Nightmares or ‘morte d’amour’ the ‘lover of death’ (yeah, whatever, your french is terrible) and they made very ugly vampires. Then they sent out Belle Morte and she populated the world with pretty vampires who have the power of sex. She makes incubuii, and they all feed on sexual energy.

Except not.

Because incubuii rape women to death, which is horrible. They are not sexy and glamorous. They rape women to death in their sleep.

Anita is ‘faint’ because of this, but ignores the fact she has just learnt her boyfriend is a demonic rapist who will eventually kill her. She then starts thinking about Colin’s – do you remember him? – human servant because, what do you know, she’s outside dragging the life out of Asher.

Why must your writing be so contrived? There was no build up to that. Anita just remembered that Nikki existed and might be a necromancer and, instantly, she’s outside. Anita runs to Asher and guns Nikki down. Asher is bleeding everywhere and Anita cries over him and he talks about how she has healed him through the power of love and it makes me feel a bit sick.

Because I remember that Asher wanted to brutally rape Anita in Burnt Offerings, and I am never going to forget that. You’re crying over a man who wanted to rape you, Anita, and then kill you. I am not said that he is temporarily dying.

Anita begs for him to drink from her and to live damnit! They then talk in mangled French. He bites her arm, and sends an orgasm into her body.

Um, would other people count that as rape? Because he’s forcing her to have a sexual experience without asking if that’s okay. It seems a bit… rapey to me.

Asher is instantly saying about how he could never have known he had sex powers over Anita, but I find that hard to believe when we’ve just learnt he is an incubus. He then calls it a ‘quickie’ and, my god, I almost stabbed the book with my dinner knife. Anita acknowledges that it was ‘amazing’ but then wishes Asher had died. She says how much she fears him and then they cry.

oh god i hate this book

i hate this author

i hate it

and i have so many more books to review

I am now going to listen to The Cure, especially that song that had lines stolen from it

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7 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter forty one

  1. Why is everyone a rapist? Why does LKH create situations to which rape is the only answer? Why must everyone have rape as a backstory? Rape is not sexy! Consent is sexy! Trusting your partner is sexy! Coercion is not sexy! This is not hard! This is not a difficult concept to grasp! Say it with me everyone: rape is a bad thing. Mking your characters ignore the fact that it is rape does not mean it isn’t rape! And rape is bad! Why is that even something I should feel the need to point out? Sex should consist of all parties involved giving their consent, and all parties being in a fit state to give that consent! I should not need to point this out to a published author!

  2. The Cure makes everything better.

    (Except the last two albums. I just can’t enjoy them as I do any other album. They seriously sound like a Cure tribute band done poorly on “The Cure” and “4:13 Dream.”)

    • Oooh, I would fight you on that! 4:13 Dream sees the return of Pearl Thompson, and there are some very beautiful songs on there, although I would admit that they are weaker than The Cure’s earlier works.

      I vacillate between Seventeen Seconds and Bloodflowers as my favourite albums, depending on how bad I’m feeling.

      • I just can’t get into either album. I try, and then I end up switching it back to an older one, because something just sounds off on them both.

        On the other hand, out of the rest, there aren’t any I’d unilaterally toss out, but I admit to loving the early to mid 80’s most: Pornography, Seventeen Seconds, Faith, etc. up to Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me. And I LOVE the Charlotte Sometimes single.

      • Pornography is an amazing album. Well, they’re all great. I don’t think I could objectively order all the albums. Possibly the songs, but a lot of b sides would rise to the top of that list.

      • Yes, Join the Dots was one of the better things I’ve spent money on. Even if they didn’t put the song from Orgazmo on it. (Which was technically just a Robert Smith solo, but still.)

      • Join the Dots is fantastic. There are a few little songs that have never been released floating around on Youtube – Ching Chang Chong is an excellent song.

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