A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter forty


Anita gets dressed and puts on her weapons. LKH could have just said that, but she drags it out for half a page of nothing.

I smeared hair goop on the hair and let it go.

I… just, what is that? What does that accomplish? It adds nothing to the book. It’s pointless filler that contributes nothing to the story. It should not be in the text. It does nothing.

Anita then whines about how Richard is spending the day with Dr. Carrie Onslow, because now he is sleeping with Anita he is not allowed to be near anyone with a physical or metaphysical vagina (a vagina of the soul, if you will).

Cherry comes in and says that Anita ‘looks aggressive’. No shit. Anita IS aggressive. Roxanne is ‘psychotically dominant’ (whut) and if Anita wears black, she will look aggressive. Anita opts for purple instead. I’m contemplating eating my eyes to avoid this.

Cherry says it’s great that Anita is listening to other people.

“You’re a good lupa, Anita, a good Nimmir-ra. For a human, you’re positively excellent.”

LKH, stop wanking over your Sue. Anita is not an excellent person. There are many excellent people in the world. Anita isn’t fit to be a stool for them to sit on.

Anita goes downstairs into the kitchen. Marianne is in there, with Roland, and a guy who is ‘aggressively male and ethnic’. Stop it. Stop your icky racism. Roxanne explains that ‘Ben’ is the replacement for Jamil for the time being. She then demands Anita apologise for marking Verne as if he were nothing.

Anita apologises, as she didn’t know what she was doing. Roxanne is furious with her, so Anita asks Marianne why Roxanne is so angry. As if Roxanne were not in the room, right in front of her. Which is incredibly rude and is not going to help this situation AT ALL. It also forgets that Roxanne is Marianne’s superior, and that Marianne is supposed to defer to Roxanne. This is not going to help.

Marianne has to explain to Anita that the marking was a direct insult to the pack, which I think was implied/explained when Anita did it in the first place. Roxanne is getting steadily angrier, so Anita tells her ‘ease down, wolf-girl’. Anita. You are the worst, rudest person. Why can’t you stop pissing people off? Marianne tells her that there are ways to make amends. Roxanne and Anita could fight, which Anita refuses to do, like a coward. Roxanne says Anita could offer her neck in a public ceremony, which Anita refuses to do. Like a coward. They could exchange blows, which Anita refuses to do. Because she’s a coward.

“I’ve read this story. No thanks.”

Roxanne frowned. “Story?”

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight,” I said. She still looked puzzled. “The Green Knight lets Sir Gawain have the first blow. Gawain cuts off his head. The Green Knight picks up his head under one arm and says, ‘My turn, a year from now!’ “

Um….

I don’t think YOU’VE read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

The Green Knight gives Sir Gawain a tiny cut. The pair become friends. The Green Knight doesn’t kill Gawain.

Like, how could you miss the ENTIRE SECOND HALF OF THE STORY.

Roxanne just brushes this off, and says they should fight.

“I’ll kill you Roxanne, but I won’t fight you.”

Just let her bite your neck, Anita. Stop all this bullshit.

Roxanne just punches Anita out, which I love. Everything gets a bit muddy, as people just start screaming, and Anita does nothing. Richard arrives with Carrie Onslow, grabs Roxanne, but Roxanne just pulls free. Cherry and Zane stop her from getting to Anita, and Roxanne screams at her that ‘it’s your turn, bitch! Your turn!’.

Anita pops Roxanne’s knee out of its socket and then breaks her nose. Dirty cheater. You were allowed one hit. Carrie starts screaming, as she is a useless woman, and then Anita beats Roxanne in the head with a chair. Anita is told she can’t pull out her gun. Roxanne lunges at her, but Anita cries out for Richard to save her.

Oh, I see how it is. Other women are weak for relying on men, but Anita can demand help from Richard to get her out of the mess she made for herself. Anita tries using the POWER of the triforce, while Roxanne sort of vacillates between human and wolf.

Then Verne comes in, so I guess the wimmins have to stop, now the man has forbidden it.

and then

oh

oh

“I said, I lied,” Verne said. “I’m an old man, and you were beautiful and powerful and thirty years younger than I am. I told you when she marked my neck that she propositioned me. She didn’t.”

just

why

why did you tell your WIFE that a younger woman came onto you? You knew she would try to kill her! You could have just said she had no respect! Why must you have gone, ‘oh well, she totes came onto me’. WHY?

Roxanne and Verne then laugh about it and make up. I’d be pissed that my husband disrespected my intelligence so much he had to lie and claim a woman tried to come onto him.

I looked at Richard. “They be crazier than we are.”

Grow up. Stop talking like a child.

Lucy stalked into the room on a pair of platform shoes, purple short-shorts, and what looked like a lavender bra but probably wasn’t.

…. if it looks like a bra, then it is probably a bar. Unless it’s two hankies on a piece of string. Anyway, she slips her arm through Richard’s, and says, ‘LOL HE’S MINE NOW’. Anita mocks her by saying Richard spent the night with her, dropping Lucy like ‘yesterday’s news’. Um, you mean when you raped him because of magic/he raped you through magic? He didn’t drop Lucy as a rational action. And, Anita honey, he asked to see other people immediately afterwards. He dropped you. He ran back to Lucy.

Anyway, this makes Lucy cry and she punches out Anita. Like all Scary Sues, she is a far better character than the one we’ve been given.

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4 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter forty

  1. I’ve heard that excellent characters can compensate for a mediocre plot, but no plot can redeem sub-par characters. This is what happens when irredeemable characters meet a nonsensical plot. I suspect demon deals were involved.

  2. “Anita goes downstairs into the kitchen. Marianne is in there, with Roland, and a guy who is ‘aggressively male and ethnic’. Stop it. Stop your icky racism. Roxanne explains that ‘Ben’ is the replacement for Jamil for the time being. ” BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T REPLACE JAMIL WITHOUT THE REPLACEMENT ALSO BEING ~ETHNIC~ LIKE HIM OMG our replacement token black guy oh my lord

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