A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter thirty four


Posting from my phone today, so there may be a few autocorrecting errors.

Richard is driving Anita to the diner where she’s going to meet with Niley. He is playing with a rubber band because Symbolism. He is very angry, because that is his new characterisation, and there’s worry he might shift and hulk out.

Um, so why didn’t Anita bring her massive bodyguard with her then? You know, all those people WHO AREN’T WEREWOLVES. Eugh.

Shang-Da, he of the stupidest name ever, is actually with them and makes Richard wear sunglasses incase he gets so angry his eyes change. Surely, people in this universe would be savvy to this by now? But no, they’re all blind idiots.

The three of them walk into a fifties style diner, full of tourists and families with young children. Anita and Shang-Da are packing though, so if any child gets noisy they’ll be guaranteed a bullet in the head.

They head over to Niley and his possee.

“Ms Blake, so good of you to come.” [Niley] didn’t stand for me, which made me wonder what was in his lap. A sawed-off shotgun, maybe.

Yeah, because he managed to get that in unnoticed. Anita, he’s a ‘legitimate businessman’. He wouldn’t get his hands dirty by bringing in a weapon.

Or maybe he didn’t consider me a lady.

Maybe he knows YOU ARE A HORRENDOUS HELL BEAST THAT FARTS HERRING.

Anyway, Niley is backed up by a clairvoyant called Howard, who refuses to shake hands otherwise he’ll be overwhelmed by the other person’s thoughts. I can understand not wanting Anita’s thoughts in your head, but I thought clairvoyants only dealt with the spirits of the dead? I think calling him a psychic would have worked better in this situation.

Niley demands to search them for listening devices. Sweetheart, Anita’s too stupid to be able to take her own bra off. She isn’t taping this.

Richard and Shang-da go off with Niley to get searched. Anita is left with Howard, who talks about how powerful and amazing she is. He feels her cross and knows how she got it from her grandma. Grandma gave it to her as a big ol’ purity ring to wear around her neck. Lovely.

Anita then turns her attention to Linus, who turns out to be the sorcerer that summoned the demon. He’s sexually androgynous, over seven feet tall, and weighs over three hundred pounds. Anita then directly accuses him of being a eunuch, which is utterly failtastic. Linus is indeed a eunuch, having sacrificed his ‘manhood” when he became a sorcerer. Here’s the problem; castrated men only become sexually androgynous if they are castrated before puberty. That’s because they haven’t had the effects of testosterone on their bodies. Linus castrated himself when he was an adult, which also explains how he got to be so tall.

LKH, you are a BIOLOGY GRADUATE. How come you don’t understand how the human body works?

Anita is then incredibly insulting.

“What flavor are you, sociopath, psychopath, or schizophrenic?”

FUCK YOU.

MENTAL ILLNESSES ARE NOT ‘FLAVORS’. THEY ARE FUCKING ILLNESSES. THEY FUCK YOU UP. THEY ARE NOT EVIL OR MAGICAL, YOU STUPID IGNORANT LITTLE FLECK OF SMEGMA.

Anita goes on and on about how mental illnesses make you weak and turn evil. Bitch, I will punch you in the uterus, so help me god. The guys then come back and Niley demands that Linus search her for magical items.

“Like what? The holy hand grenade?”

*twitches*

They then decide to have a break to eat. I don’t know why, other than for Hamilton to fap about her self insert.

Richard looked shocked. “How can you eat?”
“You either learn to eat in the middle of disaster and gore, or you get another day job, Richard.”
“Very practical, Ms. Blake,” Niley said.

May I remind you all that Richard ate someone. And now he’s getting schooled on how to eat pancakes in a TUFF way.

Anita and Niley then exchange a few stupid lines about being good guys and bad guys respectively, because Anita has the moral compass of a small child. And then they decide it’s time for her to get searched.

I only had one question. “Which bathroom are we going to use?”

That is a really stupid cliffhanger.

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5 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter thirty four

  1. Wiki defines “clairvoyant” as being “the ability to gain information about an object, person, location or physical event through means other than the known human senses”

    I’ve always heard it used to mean just any kind psychic whose powers are non-physical (meaning, not a telekinetic or a pyrokinetic or anything like that)

    FUCK YOUR DEPICTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS FOREVER LKH. We get literally *one* mentally ill person in this series who is not a villain, and he’s a nervous wreck of an agoraphobe. It’s either you’re evil, or you’re totally and obviously unable to function and must be shut away from the world…but probably evil. Likewise, all of the physically disabled people that we meet are villains except one (Wanda) who is the victim of these specific villains, and both people with dwarfism we meet in the series (Mr.Oliver and a dude in OB) are bad guys too. She’s the hugest ableist douchebag I swear.

    Just an fyi, Niley and his crew are thought to be based on the bad guys in The Maltese Falcon. I haven’t seen it myself but apparently Niley is modeled on the bad guy Gutman and Howard on his boyfriend Cairo. Given how gay people are treated in this series I think picking a villainous gay couple to model her baddies after AND shoving in an androgynous eunoch is has all kinds of icky connotations going on…but what do you expect from LKH?

    • I’ve always heard clairvoyant being used in connection with mediums, so my mind automatically went there. I still think psychic would have worked better in the context.

      LKH doesn’t seem to understand why what she’s saying is offensive, and it just…. CREAMS MY CORN. EUGH.

      More villainous gay people? Great, just what I need. And The Maltese Falcon? LKH wishes she could creative a narrative as good as that.

  2. Why did she have to bring mental illness into this? Alright, if a person has some kind of mental illness that means they hear voices, which is incredibly common in fiction but not so much in real life, then they may perhaps find it harder to distinguish a demon in their head than someone else. If demons can only influence people in incredibly subtle ways then it would make sense for them to target those who would find it harder to resist them, which would inevitably mean targeting the mentally ill. And this could be fascinating to explore in-universe. Does it increase the already heavy prejudice against the mentally ill? Does it make it easier for people to get treatment for mental illness, because no-one wants people to be vulnerable to demons. How do people try to exploit this? It could be another interesting way that real life adapts to cope with the supernatural. But instead we get this. Mental illness makes you evil, and the only reason you would summon demons is because you are mentally ill. Just another good idea not only wasted, but twisted into something awful.

    /gets on soapbox/

    Also, ‘sociopath, psychopath, schizophrenic’? Not only is ‘sociopath’ not a term that professionals generally use anymore – I think it’s called Anti-Social Behaviour Disorder – but schizophrenia is a radically different form of mental disorder to the other two. And most schizophrenics are not violent. It is not a disorder that needs any more bad press. Do you think people might get more offended if she’d said ‘what flavour are you – depressed, bipolar or a PTSD sufferer’ instead?

    /gets off soapbox/

    • You’re right, there are so many good ideas that get thrown aside to drive down the ableism highway, it’s as annoying as the ableism itself.

      Soapbox away. LKH only seems to understand that mental illnesses exist and may involve ‘wacky’ behaviour.

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