A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter twenty nine


Anita is rolling around almost crying in a pile of sex and blood stained sheets because, damn it, Richard is her toy and she doesn’t want to share.

She’s so selfish. She’s whining about how Richard won’t be monogamous when it was her idea that she date both men – it’s only fair that they both be allowed to date other women as well. But nope, other women are so icky and ruin her playthings.

The police then knock at the door, and they’re probably about ready to kill her. Or, they’re trying to find out why the cabinsite was ruined by an angry horde of naked men. Anita picks up the telephone, as in 1999 when mobiles where starting to get common a woman in an extremely dangerous profession hasn’t got one because… nope, she has to walk around carrying a telephone, which is awkward and doesn’t leave her with many options for self-defence. Anyway, she rings Dolph, as she figures another cop is a good witness. I don’t know why she doesn’t summon up her gang of toys, but whatever.

Sheriff Wilkes and Officer Maiden come in with guns trained on Anita. Anita backtalks at them, as she’s a colossal idiot and doesn’t know how to not antagonise people. Don’t give people like Wilkes an excuse to abuse you. Wilkes yanks the phone from her hand, hears that it’s Dolph, and then magically teleports across the room to hang the phone up. He says that a phone call won’t save her this time! (Moustache twirling implied)

I looked up at him and gave him big brown eyes. I did everything but flutter my lashes at him. “Do I need saving, Sheriff Wilkes?”

BAM. BATON TO THE FACE.

Look, LKH clearly has no experience dealing with police officers who are looking for any excuse to stop you. They do not like backchat. They do not like you being cute with them. They will use force. Just don’t do anything, and say ‘no comment’ to everything they say to you. Winding them up gets you a baton in the face.

Richard comes into the room and suddenly, there are more police officers around and they all scream for him to put his hands up and get on the floor.

They weren’t treating us like criminals. They were acting like the criminals.

Again, this reads as being written by someone who has no idea how nasty the police can be. This is such a plain black and white universe.

Richard puts his hands on his stomach – you told him to put them up just two paragraphs, CONSISTENCY –  and they force him to the ground using his hair. Wilkes says that they were told to get out of town, so Anita ignores my advice and answers him. Just say ‘no comment’. Don’t tell him anything. Wilkes then asks them if they’re leaving today, so Richard says ‘No’.

Richard, you are one of the stupidest characters ever. Why would you an antagonise this man even further?

Wilkes throws Anita to the ground next to Richard.

I touched Richard’s arm. “It’s all right, Richard. Everyone just be calm.”

The scarred deputy said, “God, you are a cold bitch.”

Uh… does anyone else think that being there for someone else is cold? ‘cos this reads as Anita actually behaving like a caring human being for once. Show, don’t tell, LKH.

Wilkes demands that they leave town today and Anita says they will. However, because Richard was such a MORON and pissed everyone off, they say they don’t believe it and that they need to pat Anita down for weapons.

Congrats Richard, your big fat mouth got the woman you love treated to a little bit of sex crime. Thanks for that.

Anita is dragged by the sheet to… a standing position, somehow, and is held against the body of Officer Thompson. She fights to keep hold of the sheet, eventually falling to the floor, but keeping hold of it.

I was pissing him off, not my best idea, but I’m not good naked. I never feel nude. I feel naked.

What?

na-ked

adjective

1. being without clothing or covering; nude.
nude
adjective

 

1. naked or unclothed, as a person or the body.
Those two words mean EXACTLY THE SAME THING. YOU ARE AN AUTHOR. SOCIETY PAYS YOU TO BE GOOD WITH WORDS. YOU ARE A DISGRACE.
Anita is then thrown against the bed, because LKH doesn’t know what she’s fucking doing with this chapter and is just making it longer. Officer Thompson pushes on her head, forcing her face into the mattress that she shouldn’t be against as she was thrown ‘against the bed’, not on top of it. The sheet is ripped from her body, exposing her buttocks. If she moves, he threatens to handcuff her. Thompson runs his hands over her body, and then sticks his fingers into her crotch.
I raised up. “What is this, a rape theme down here?”
Apparently so.
“This can all stop, Richard,” Wilkes said. “This can all be over. Just leave.”
“You’ll kill the trolls,” Richard said.
Your girlfriend was just sexually assaulted before your eyes, and you can’t even muster up a single ounce of concern, a single molecule of anger, a single atom of compassion? You just think about the trolls? WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?
Anita actually uses her POWERS to reach out to him, and now he seems to understand wait, sex crimes are NOT okay when I’m not doing them. This is all broken up as a crowd appears outside the cabins. Wilkes says that this is Richard’s last warning, and asks Anita where Chuck and Terry are. She goes on about her neutral face, and Wilkes slaps her in the face after she insults his manhood. He then slaps her over and over, and there’s a very long and tedious exchange where he tries to find out what happened while Anita goes, ‘oh but I didn’t kill them!’ over and over over until it gets to the point where I would slap her in the face.
Richard finally agrees to leave town, and then stands up so his towel falls off.
Without clothes, Richard was nude, not naked.
THEY MEAN EXACTLY THE SAME THING. THEY ARE SYNONYMS. THAT MEANS A WORD THAT HAS THE SAME (OR NEARLY) THE SAME DEFINITION. YOU ARE A WRITER. YOU ARE PAID TO WRITE. UNLESS YOU ARE GIBBERING IDIOT OR A CHILD, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS MISTAKE.
Thompson then makes a crack about how big Richard’s penis is, as that’s what people do in this situation; confirm to the audience that this guy is OMG THE HOTTEST GUY EVAR. You know, instead of something realistic like insulting the size of his penis. The cops then leave, and Richard finally realises ‘oh you were assaulted and i didn’t do it’ so rushes to try and comfort Anita. She’s worried that the werewolves have killed Terry although she promised him safety – they went against her word, although she holds no authority or true role in their society and cannot dictate what course of action they should take. Richard tries to advise her that it’s not smart to piss off the werewolves as well, so Anita gets a very lengthy speech about how all those people who belong to her are hers and that Verne is a vicious old meanie.
She gets dressed and then goes out with a gun. SRS BIZNES TO BE DONE. ALTHOUGH EVERYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER WAS POINTLESS.
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5 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter twenty nine

  1. Seriously? There is a chapter here that has the sole purpose of Anita being sexually assaulted by a police officer? And he has been accused of rape. Is he allowed to leave? And I get that Anita is trying to say that she feels vulnerable without clothes instead of being comfortable in her own skin like every single therianthrope inexplicably is, but she’s obviously taking part in a ‘how awkwardly can I express this’ competition.

  2. My only comment is that I was a senior in high school in 1999. And I had a cell phone. A Nokia brick it was, but I had one. For LKH to not have had one is just….absurd.

  3. Well, that explains why LKH insists on using “nude” when nearly everyone else would use “naked”. Nude is just no clothes, but “naked” is bad. Because naked means vulnerable maybe? What’s particularly weird is how she writes as if everyone knows this, when most people never even use the word “nude” except to refer to art.

  4. For a while there, I actually thought that LKH wasn’t going to try to awkwardly force two plots together. I thought that, what with Richard getting released off-screen, we could then focus on other things.

    But nooo, we have to have the requisite two entirely separate plot lines that will somehow be awkwardly shown to be connected, because LKH doesn’t know how to plot properly.

  5. Connotation vs. Denotation with the nudity. The first time I can forgive it, even it was done poorly. Over here -and by here I mean Texas- nude is usually used in reference for art or science-y type things. It would be more like stating a fact, with no emotional ties. Naked has a more risque feel to it usually connected with sexy times -and we all know where Anita/LKH’s brain lives- or, yes, vulnerability.

    But gods damn. I never get over how often LKH uses the same words over and over, on endless repeat.

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