A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter twenty five


Anita’s crew are all heading through the trees, but Anita, Cherry and Jason are struggling, and keep walking into things.

My arms hurt. I raised myself slowly and looked at them. I’d scraped them up enough so that blood was slowly filling the wounds in spots. Great.

You’ve got a graze. It’s not a wound. Sure, it hurts but get over it.

Marianne drifts over and there’s a very long and boring explanation. The werewolf ghosts, when forcibly expelled, take energy from those who have touched them. Anita needs to just let the ghost of Raina possess her, and then she can control the ghost. Although I would suggest that she could exert some control over the ghost anyway, seeing as she’s a fucking necromancer, but whatever. Let’s just talk about how evil Raina was.

Marianne laughed, and again, it was a sound equally at home in the kitchen or the bedroom. How she managed to be both wholesome and suggestive in the same breath puzzled me.

Sigh. It’s a shame LKH is such a bad writer. She has to make everything orbit around sex, which ruins the idea of this image. This idea can work, but it is so butchered by the writing style.

Roland, Marianne’s bodyguard, starts getting cross for no reason and begins threatening Anita. Marianne starts whittering on that if Anita was a true lupa, she could ‘draw energy from your wolves and give it in return like a great recycling battery’. This is ignoring the fact that Richard deposed her, she shouldn’t be a lupa, and that is a terrible analogy.

The real trouble was that I only knew two ways to call power. One was ritual, the other was sex. I’d realized a few months ago that sex could take the place of ritual for me.

Anita complains about HOW AWKWARD IT IS TO TALK ABOUT SECHS but seems to forget that, oh wait, she could just do a ritual. She can not use the sechs (and avoid run ins with Raina’s ghost), but she instead tells Marianne to leave them alone.

Marianne’s response is to stamp her foot. Apparently, this universe is full of adults who decide to behave like children.

Anita sends Marianne and Roland on their merry way, so she can talk about how she’s such an amateur, how she’s the only necromancer alive, and how everyone being very close and pally is because of her. Her and Jason talk about what Raina did to him, which only serves it make everyone fawn over how amazing JC is. Jason then smells out one of the goons that were beaten up yesterday (in that massive pile that brought in the corruption bullshit). The gang concoct a plan where Anita and Jason make out, so if the goons want revenge, they can then be surprised. Bearing in mind that it’s implied that the goons have been tracking them through the forest, they are going to be aware that there has been a large group of people standing around making a plan.

But you know, MAKE OUTS. Cue girlish giggling at two characters having to make out.

Jason mentions how he’d like to sleep with Anita, that makes me remember how he tried to rape her earlier and make me feel uncomfortable with all this. The two of them make out without enthusiasm, but go to the floor to… stop against bullets.

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I could feel that his body was happy to be pressed up against mine, but it was all secondary. Men with guns were coming. Men who didn’t like us very much.

Jason’s penis must work on springs. I’d have thought that waiting for goons to shoot you, after reliving memories of your sexual torture by a werewolf ghost, would not create an amenable atmosphere for erections. Oh, and Jason apparently gets turned on very easily. Just pressing his body against that of a human female and BING HAPPY TIME.

I still wish LKH would grow up and just say erection.

Jason says that by his being on top will prevent Anita being shot; he can heal easily. It takes a page for Anita to realise that this means he is using himself as a shield.

The two lay there for a while. Anita pulls out her knives. Then, a goon jumps up and pushes a shotgun against Jason’s shoulder. Anita supposes that this means the goons want to kill them. The gun is raised to Jason’s head, and Anita realises that this means he might get shot.

Why does Anita have to be this stupid?

The shotgun goon demands Jason get off Anita, and after some wrangling, he gets up eventually. There are lots of goons around. Jason has to put his hands on his head. The goons ignore Anita for a bit, though she spouts off her trademark brand of stupid, aggressive remarks, until she gets a shotgun thrust into her face.

Main shotgun goon says that when Jason threw him into a truck, it almost broke his spine. This makes me question how he’s gotten out of hospital so quickly. He loudly announces that he is going to beat Jason, and then kill him. The goons then go about beating Jason with their rifles, and Anita goes on about how she’s never seen a ‘real beating’ which is crap. Also, beating someone with guns is a really stupid thing.

This carries on for a while until Jason slumps over. Luckily, Richard is somewhere close and Anita begins to shine out with POWER like Battersea Power Station. This flows over her shotgun goon, who asks her if she’s ‘trying some magic shit on me’. Shotgun goon looks away, pulling away his gun. Anita uses this chance to plunge one of her knives into his throat. She doesn’t think this will kill him, but she has just pushed the length of a knife into a ordinary guy’s throat. Safe to say, I think he is very dead.

The shit doth hitteth the fan at this point. Shotguns are fired odd everywhere, although they had rifles a few pages ago. Anita crawls away, finds another random goon, and shoves a blade into this guts until the knife hits a bone. While this happens, the man is still very calmly loading his gun with shells. It isn’t until Anita pulls out the blade that he realises ‘oh, wait knife’. He falls over.

Someone starts screaming, and it’s the lone rifleman who now exists again. He has had an arm ripped off. Anita ignores this and notices that Jamil is injured. His intestines are perforated and he has a hole in his chest. Anita screams for help and tries to perform first aid, as she is surrounded by the bodies of those she has killed.

For such an action packed chapter – and it was a long chapter – I am hideously bored. Bored, bored, bored. I am tired of faceless goons getting hurt with limited impact on the plot.

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4 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter twenty five

  1. I am trying to adjust to a new medication so this post might be a little disorganized and incoherent, if so I apologize.

    “He drew back with a big very un-Jamil grin. He whispered, “A few yards. I can smell the guns.””

    1. WTF? A few yards? That is ridiculously close, they could reach out and touch them with maybe a single step. Literally. I got out a tape measure and checked.

    2. You do not want to get down on the ground when the other guys are only a couple of yards away. At that range being prone will not provide you any protection and in fact will make you an easier target.

    3. LKH fails at describing distance and spatial relationships. A tree appears in this scene but we have no idea where it is located. Are they hiding behind the tree? If so why are they pretending to make-out? It makes no sense.

    About the hunters:

    It is definitely just two guys, one with a rifle and one with a shotgun. Beating someone with a rifle isn’t unheard of. Most soldiers are trained to do it, so maybe Mel’s Brother had military training?

    The shotgun:

    “The shotgun exploded on the other side of that furred shadow. The lycanthrope staggered backwards but didn’t fall. The shotgun exploded again, both barrels.”

    LKH doesn’t seem to understand how double barreled shotguns work. Each barrel holds one round for two total; you can’t fire once and then fire both barrels.

    “There was a hole in his gut bigger than my two fists.”

    How the hell did a shotgun do that much damage? The rounds are only so big and even if he was using shot, it had no room to spread, so the entrance wounds should be about the size of bore. And the holes can’t be exit wounds because otherwise the shot/slug would have continued on to hit Anita.

    About the knives:

    When I read it, it sounded like she just nicked him with the tip. If she didn’t get one of the arteries in the neck, a knife wound like that is easily not fatal.

    Also, being stabbed is a lot like being shot – if you don’t hit something vital they aren’t going to die immediately. In fact some people don’t realize they have been stabbed until long after the fact. Recently a guy in China had an x-ray done that revealed a huge knife that had been broken off in his skull. Hell, from the description in the book, Chuck shouldn’t have died, he should have just calmly shot her.

  2. Just pressing his body against that of a human female and BING HAPPY TIME.

    Not any woman. Against ANITA BLAKE. Her mere presence is so sexy and hot and arousing that she turns all men into 4-pump chumps. With no foreplay. Jason’s lucky; by Danse Macabre, just touching Anita is enough for Haven to act like he’s two seconds from an orgasm.

    I don’t get how anyone ever thought these books were not about sex. Or no, not sex, because that covers a much wider range than the books cover, and could be both complex and entertaining. Rape. These books have always been about rape. Well, also about how much better Anita is than every other woman on the planet.

  3. Erect penis. Hard cock. THROBBING TUMESCENT MANHOOD. Any of these would be better.
    Whenever she plays coy with her sexual terms, I just want to ask why the everloving hell she’s writing books about sex if she can’t bring herself to say ‘clit’?!?

    • If you can’t bring yourself to use explicitly sexual terms, then you probably shouldn’t be writing about sex. The phrase ‘happy time’ is just too immature for such a (supposedly) gritty and hardcore series.

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