A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter twenty three


Had a wee setback on the whole mental health thing today. A homeless man asked me for money when I took a break to get some fries, and kept on asking and asking and I just felt so guilty that here I was, epitome of the heartless imperialism of the capitalist system, having to ignore for my own comfort the person right next to me. Like, hanging on my shoulder. I burst into tears and wandered to a local policeman. I had to tell on this man who was just trying to get somewhere to sleep, something I take for granted. I take everything for granted. I sit surrounded by the debris of the system that crushes people and countries, and I actually felt annoyed that I may have to give away my money. I felt absolute disgust for myself.

Save to say, I feel nothing but a dejected contempt for myself. Which is fun and totally the mindset to throw myself into LKH’s world.

Yay.

Anita is sleeping on the floor. Her bed has been taken up by Cherry, Zane, and Nathaniel.

I’d been informed that the physical closeness of your group, whatever the animal flavor, was healing both emotionally and physically.

TYPE. SPECIES. VARIETY. BREED. CAST. CLASS. EXTRACTION. STRAIN. CATEGORY. NUMBER. These are all great words to use to describe a type of wereanimal. ‘Flavor’ is a terrible word to use. The English language has such a wonderful array of word. Use them. Use them please.

And this seems to be further evidence that Anita or her creator are aliens from the spoon world masquerading as a person. Physical closeness can be emotionally healing for… all animals. Anita, as an adult human woman-child, should know this.

And why are all the wereanimals sleeping in Anita’s cabin anyway?

because Nathaniel had hysterics at the thought of being without me.

That’s not healthy. That is not healthy in so many ways. Don’t encourage him in this!

Jason comes into the room, helpfully clad in boxer shorts after Anita had to tell all the wereanimals that it’s not okay to sleep naked. Because adults in today’s society clearly don’t have the intelligence to think that sleeping in the nude is probably not going to be acceptable if they just happen to become an animal for a few days of the month. They’re just stupid that way. Jason is not allowed to sleep with the other wereanimals because Cherry thinks he is going to grope her in her sleep. I don’t doubt he would, either.

Jason sits down and –

His hair was straight enough and baby fine enough that his hands could smooth the hair into place.

People can smooth their hair into place quite easily. It may not be neat and it may not be straight, but even I, with my unruly thatch of hair, can smooth it down and into ‘place’ without having to be praised for it.

I was wearing an oversized sleeping shirt that hit me at midcalf. One size does not fit all, but it was still nightclothes, and I wanted something between me and anyone else.

That’s not an oversized sleeping shirt. That is the shirt of a fucking giant. Anita is five three. To come up to mid-calf, that shirt has to be at least four and a half feet long. That’s not a sleeping shirt. That’s a full nightgown. I think this is supposed to make me think of how teeeeeeeny tiny Anita is, but it’s backfired. My sleeping shirt goes to the top of my thighs. I now think Anita is about three foot tall.

Anita then stares down at Cherry’s tits, and comments that her nipples are hard.

Jason then stares at Cherry’s tits.

More than lust, maybe? Or the way you look at a really fine work of art, admiring it because you’re not allowed to touch.

So, blatant objectification then. Goodo.

Anita describes the others as not ‘giving nearly as good a show’, and I want to smack her in the face. They stare down at them, until Anita has had enough of it and walks to the other side of the room with Jason. He then blathers on about how everyone findes her soooooooo scary and whatever.

She then goes on about how bad she feels about what she’s done because of ~*dreams*~. Again, whatever.

Richard was apparently horrified by what happened, which I find hard to believe, while everyone thought she was seriously tuff and totes justified in butchering twenty five vampires without legal permission to do so. And that Colin is just going to be so scared that he is not going to even try getting back at Anita, ever. Oh, and that Nikki was a lying liar who lied.

I hated it when I did something so inhuman and couldn’t blame anyone else for it.

Grow up Anita. Don’t blame other people for what you do.

Jason notices that ANITA SAD and wanks over how much good she did and how she saved his life and how she saved everyone and how amazing she is and how everyone is with her to keep her safe as she’s so precious. Sorry, ~*precious*~. They then hug (hey, I thought only wereanimals needed comfort, Anita) and then all the wereanimals wake up and come on over.

Cherry held Nathaniel’s hand, leading him like a child. But he didn’t look like a child as he padded towards us, naked.

Stop trying to make me think ‘sexy’ should be used in conjunction with ‘children’, LKH. Please stop it. It’s disgusting.

Undies would have hurt the upper thigh wound.

…. how. If the wound was bandaged, then how will the leg of a boxer short damage the wound? It’s hardly going to be tight, as the wound isn’t in his groin, and on yeah, he’s a wereleopard, it’s going to be almost entirely healed by now anyway.

Now, as he came towards us, it was clear that he wasn’t completely unhappy to see me.

So, he’s got an erection. Just say he has an erection. There’s no reason to be so coy about it.

Or maybe it was waking up next to Cherry, or maybe it was just a guy thing. Either way, I didn’t like it.

You are aware of a phenomenon called ‘morning wood’, right? Or are you such a sheltered goody goody good girl (who knows all about teh sechs) that you are unaware of what a gentleman’s ‘pee pee’ naturally does?

Anyway, Anita seems to believe that this is all leading up to her rape so hides behind Jason, who is also sporting a massive erection. Anita freaks out and hides by turning her back on them, so Jason has to comfort her, again, that she is the most amazing person who lived an amazing life ever. This naturally leads Zane to talk about how Gabriel saved his life because they were junkies and he stopped that.

On, apart from Cherry. Cherry lost her leg in a car accident and Gabriel turned her into a wereleopard so it could grow back. Which makes NO SENSE. She lost her job as she was suddenly outed as a wereanimal. You’d think everyone would have realised she was a wereanimal when HER FUCKING LEG GREW BACK. THAT’S THE KIND OF THING PEOPLE FUCKING NOTICE. IT’S NOT LIKE A LEG GROWING BACK BY ITSELF WOULD *EVER* PASS BY UNNOTICED.

This, it turns out, is one great big wank session for Anita as while Gabriel cared for them, he never risked his life for them. And they talk about whether she loves Asher or not (which she doesn’t, and shouldn’t, because he did try to RAPE HER) and then Anita casually admits that she’s homophobic.

The wereleopards then crouch beside her, as they need to ‘understand her’. They can’t understand that people like looking after their friends, as LKH can only make Anita seem like a good character by making all that surround her entirely stupid. This scene drags, as the wereleopards ponder why someone would try to help another human being without sex or control being involved. It all boils down to: Anita helps people because they’re ‘hers’, like they’re Barbies or Legos.

They then lay it out that Anita can have sex with them whenever she likes, but Anita doesn’t like this as she is a good girl. And didn’t hump Nathaniel into orgasm the second time they met. The wereanimals do not understand this as they’re not really human and are incapable of understanding the hu-man ways. They can’t trust people that they don’t have sex with.

Nathaniel starts to break down, as he does seem to be genuinely unwell. Anita encourages him to continue in his delusions. She senses Raina inside her, so silences Raina by having a hot sexy makeout with Nathaniel. Nathaniel cries, and then Anita spreads out her hands and the wereleopards worship at her feet, as she has suddenly become a Jesus Christ figure.

I’m going to make myself feel better by wrapping Christmas presents and stuffing myself with chocolate.

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