A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter twenty


… and I’m back.

The parent’s new home doesn’t have internet yet, so obvs, not gonna be able to post. And I ended up staying longer than I meant to because, quite simply, the thought of going back to London was making me weep uncontrollably. I love London, but it’s making me very depressed. I simply don’t feel like I’m going anywhere. I feel like I’m stagnating, and wasting my life. In short, Dottie is not doing very well right now, and needed time at home.

I’m going home for Christmas in about a week and a bit, so updates are going to be disrupted. I am hoping to post some audio commentaries for the anniversary next week, but it depends on my workload and how I’m feeling. Right now, I feel like doing nothing but playing Lego Harry Potter until New Year’s.

BUT ANITA ALWAYS CALLS ME BACK.

Let’s do this thang.

Colin taunts Anita for not being tuff, so she lets us know his eyes are grey. Anita demands to know what Colin wants, as she no longer has any patience. The patience is lying in the basket.

Colin’s main grievance is that he thinks Asher has been sent here to replace him, and bitches about JC. This is half of a good grievance, as Asher was part of the good old Vamp Council, but the minute he starts complaining about JC, I know this is veering into wank bank material. Anywho, Colin wants Asher DEAD, right now.

Colin then explains at length how he’s convinced Asher is going to replace him, which involves lots of gossip about how amazing Anita is and how everyone is in love with her and that’s all anyone in the community can talk about. This sends Colin’s motivation right into the bucket, because I do not buy any motivation that is solely based in ‘OMG ANITA SO AWESOME I AM THREATENED BY HER POWERS OF AWESOME’. I don’t think you get to be a thousand years old by believing gossip and immediately getting yer knickers in a twist.

This all breaks the truce, so Anita whips out the gun that she already whipped out twice and never put away, and runs towards vampires firing it and screaming.

Like Rambo.

This is 100% a picture of Anita Blake.

This terrifies the vampires, so Anita starts screaming ‘Nobody move, nobody fucking move!’ which does not stop me thinking she has morphed into tiny lady Rambo.

Colin and Anita exchange lukewarm threats. He wants to kill some of her followers as recompense; she will not let him do that. Rinse and repeat EVERY single villain/Anita conversation ever. The only thing that is moderately interesting is Anita claiming that ‘death is the ultimate threat’ which is pretty weak in tuffy tuff talk. The eight of them are surrounded by a hundred bad guys, that Richard won’t kill, as Anita disgustedly reminds us, and then half of them start to rot. Barnaby is Colin’s second, as he brought rotting to the ‘dance’, which was already used as werewolf terminology, start being more inventive. Damian hates this, and has a GOOD THING TO SAY.

This is actually a good thing, which is surprising.

“You ask why Asher is content to remain with Jean-Claude when he could go elsewhere and be his own master. Maybe he is tired as I am tired of the struggle. The in-fighting. The fucking politics. Jean-Claude ransomed me from my master. I am not a master vampire, nor will I ever be. I have no special powers. Yet Jean-Claude bargained for me. I serve him not out of fear but out of gratitude.”

I like this. Damian may be an assaulting asshat, but he knows the problems in the systems.

Colin thinks this is just a sign of weakness, as LKH is incapable of writing an intelligent villain. He actually does a villain laugh, and then thinks this is all about Anita’s magical sex powers, jumping the gun considerably. He demands Asher and Jason as the price for safe passage in his territory. Anita is against this, as she has suddenly developed morals. Then she is jumped on by a female werewolf and kills her.

Everyone starts fighting, but I know everyone in Anita’s gang is going to be okay so there’s no real tension in the scene. Anita is being awesome, and putting crosses on rotting vampires and the like. Nikki, Colin’s human servant, makes a beeline for her. She wails on Anita with a stick, as Nikki is stupid. Anita has managed to loose her gun and all her weapons, so is being chased around by a woman waving a large club….

Uh, wasn’t Nikki Native American? Why is the only Native American in this book running around with a club?

Oh, unfortunate implications. You make reading these books like opening up a box of chocolates.

Crunchy frog chocolates, that is.

There’s some POWER throwing Anita about, and she casually drops that the pack worships Odin. Um, of course. She then thinks it could be turned into a church, as of course, Nordic paganism has churches, which is a word very charged with Christian intent and meaning.

The fighting sort of comes to a random stop, as Anita hasn’t been paying attention. Her gang is all alive, but only Verne and a random woman is left of the local wolves. All those goons, all of them are dead. But Nikki has made it to the tree, so Anita runs towards it. She channels the POWER of the dead and this sends all of Colin’s vampires on fire.

Nikki is very unhappy, and starts running around with the club again. She threatens Anita, then runs away again. Barnaby and Colin have just randomly gone.

This book got very weird, very quickly.

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12 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter twenty

  1. I completely forgot about Nikki and her club. That pisses me off now.

    You know, Damien’s speech is one of the things that makes me with LKH could handle her world-building better. Yes, vampires have only been legally recognized for a few years, but seriously, you’d think they would have gotten some brains in the meantime. Or at least *adapted* to the 20th century and realized not everything is related to politics. Especially in the US when traveling across state lines is not the political quagmire it can be when crossing country lines somewhere else.

    • Vampire politics could be really interesting, and witnessing the evolution of a community which typically glorifies in stagnation.

      But nope, everything revolves around Anita’s vagina.

  2. Ouch. Sorry to hear life’s been kicking you lately, Dottie. Hope things look up, and if it makes you feel better, seeing you update always makes my day better. ^^

  3. Quoting LKH herself: “It drives me nuts when I’m reading along, and find that a writer obviously didn’t do any research. I’m okay with a problem here, or there, but when it’s blatantly obvious that they treated the material with no respect, it just ruins my enjoyment of the story. Research, research, research.”

    LKH obviously did no research whatsoever on guns and this chapter proves it. Her depiction of the mini-uzi is so ridiculous I don’t know where to get started. I mean Anita uses the gun totally wrong (LKH has apparently never heard the term ‘short controlled bursts’), the gun does unrealistic damage (seriously it is 9mm, it is not going to cut anybody in half), and Anita’s gun apparently has infinite ammo (a real mini-uzi firing full auto will empty it’s magazine in two seconds). It boggles the mind how LKH can get everything so wrong.

    Also, why don’t we ever see a vampire use a gun in this series? A couple of vampires who used to be hunters in the woods with .30-06s and that fight would be over really quick. It really strains the suspension of disbelief.

    • Come on, if LKH had to follow the rules, then she wouldn’t be Lady Rambo!

      Great info on the mini-uzi. All my knowledge about it comes from Worms, which is probably not an incredibly accurate source.

  4. I get the feeling that this story would work better as a straight up fantasy, where Anita can have never ending ammo, it’s normal for werewolves to worship Odin, vampires don’t have to worry about the law and can brainwash and rape anyone they want, etc. It would eliminate a great deal of plot holes if LKH didn’t try to convince us that this happens in a realistic universe. It wouldn’t fix the appalling pacing, disgusting characters, glorification of abuse, fetishising of homosexuality, clothes porn and weapon porn, but it would be an improvement.

  5. This may seem random, but this only really clicked for me here:

    The leader of the local vampires is named Colin. His second-in-command is named Barnaby.

    Vampires. Barnaby. Colin.

    BARNABAS COLLINS.

    Damnit, Hamilton, keep your hands off the famous vampires. What did Dark Shadows ever do to you?

    I swear, if a vampire named Knight or LaCroix shows up later, I’m gonna be really pissed.

      • Honestly, if it were written by anyone else, I’d give them credit for being relatively subtle. But it’s LKH, so that isn’t happening.

        Of course, it could just be a coincidence, but again, I’m not giving LKH the benefit of the doubt.

        I haven’t seen much of Dark Shadows, either. They used to show it on the Sci-Fi Channel when I was a kid. Now I regret not watching it when I had the chance.

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