A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter sixteen


Heya gang! I missed last night’s blog because I was out seeing the production of Jeeves and Wooster at the Duke of York’s in London with a friend. It was super awesome – we are both huge fans of Matthew Macfadyen, who was playing Jeeves, and it’s a real treat to see such a good actor perform on stage. So I hope none of you mind I took a little time out for myself.

And onto today’s chapter.

Damian had refused to share a shower with Asher, even though they were both dirty and would need someone to help scrape the stuff from the harder-to-reach places.

You seemed to do okay, Anita. Why are you sounding so peeved that Damian didn’t want his personal space infringed?

I’d suggested they share a shower –

Why?? I would never go up to my friends and suggest ‘hey, why not shower together? It’s good for the environment!’

– because they were both guys.

… and therefore they don’t need privacy?

I knew that Asher was bisexual –

So you assumed that he is fine with showering with other people?

– but I still had a hard time wrapping my Midwestern upbringing around the fact that it didn’t matter what sex Asher shared a shower with, he saw both as sexual objects. I knew it, and it didn’t really bother me –

Could have fooled me, going by how you’re going on about it. And being rather insulting.

– but every once in a while, the knowledge surprised me. I don’t know why.

Possibly because you’ve got the offensive idea that bisexuals run around the place being turned on by each and every person that they meet? I mean – gasp – it’s like bisexuals are fellow human beings deserving the same amount of concern and compassion as everyone else!

Bleurgh. Biphobia makes me sick.

Jason, as one of those bisexuals, has no issues with being called into service to wash Asher. Asher comes out to wander around in just a towel, and the plebs are terribly shocked and horrified but Anita and Jason are cool with it. Anita then complains how everyone is treating her like the boss lady when she’s queen of the leopards, queen of the werewolves, and dating the master of the vampires.

Sigh. For the love of fuck Anita, why must you be so stupid?

You’d think hanging around with this many preternatural studly guys would mean there was a lot of sex, and sexual tension was in the air a lot, but more than sex, was pain.

That is a terrible sentence. In so many ways.

Anita then chastises herself for being so girly and compassionate (what.) and then Asher ANGSTS because Anita gives him a towel and treats him like a fellow human being. omg so deep.

If we’d been lovers, I’d have licked the water off his chest, caressing my tongue down the deep scars, maybe even slid a hand under the towel. But we weren’t lovers, and I’d never seen him nude.

… Tell me, hetro and homo normative readers: is it normal to look upon your friends and think, ‘I could do all this stuff to them if we were having sex – but we aren’t, so I guess I should stop thinking of them in these extremely sexual ways’. Because I don’t look to, say, a guy friend and think ‘huh, I guess I could be totally doing him right now – but I’m not!’.

Because I don’t think it’s normal. Why must Anita keep thinking of things in such sexual ways? Because… unfortunately, it just seems to confirm my sad and awful headcanon that Anita was abused as a child, and pretty horrifically. Everything is just sex, sex, sex with her, and frankly, it’s a bit disturbing.

And, lest me forget, Asher tried to violently rape Anita in the last book.

I didn’t know what was under the towel. He’d told me once that he was still fully functional, but that didn’t really tell me what he looked like under the towel. And as comfortable as I was with him, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. If it was as bad as his chest, I was almost sure I didn’t want to see. Yes, I admit there was a small part of me that did want to know for sheer curiosity’s sake.

WHY? WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH HIS PENIS? IT IS JUST A PENIS. PENISES ARE NOT EXTRAORDINARY. 49% OF THE POPULATION HAS THEM.

Anita decides to lean against him because… of course, and Asher says how he’s going to shock everyone by wearing as little as possible. OMG shocking. Anita then gives him the towel again.

He grabbed the ends of the towel like a shawl, pressing the cloth to his nose and mouth. “It smells of the sweet scent of your skin.”

I touched a strand of that heavy, gold hair. “You say the nicest things.”

More like ‘You say the creepies things, rapist guy’. Anita then gets soooooo turned on by Asher cause damn, there ain’t nothing like a rapist for turning a lady’s panties wet.

Jason then butts in to say that why doesn’t Anita get turned on by him, and that he’s so jealous.

Verne the local packmaster arrives to break this up. God bless Verne. Anita points a gun into his chest and lets him in. And there’s a lot of shit, and basically: one of the wolves had the rotting sickness, Mira was so pissed by Richard dumping her she immediately ran to the vampires, and they think that Verne should be punished for all of this. Anita gets pissy because Verne doesn’t know Nathaniel’s name, and seems determined to shoot him. They tell him how they cured everything with magic, and Verne says that the convenient witch of the pack felt that there had been power. Verne hates Colin, so agrees to stand with Anita and the gang against Colin. Anita agrees to help them, if she is allowed to kill Mira.

Of course. That’s not disproportionate. Anita can’t kill Colin, so she’s going to take out her anger on Mira. I mean, Mira did something cruel but mainly because Richard was being an ass.

And they’re going to make Colin pay wow much excite how awesome except not.

Can I just go back to Jeeves and Wooster?

9 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter sixteen

  1. Can I just say how offended I am by this as a bisexual. It does not mean that I turn into a panting drooling mess every time I see anyone, any more than being heterosexual would mean I would be comatose with lust every time I saw a man. I can say that if I were to share a shower with a man and woman I wouldn’t see either as ‘sexual objects’. It would mean that I could be aroused by either one of them, or both, or neither, instead of only one of them or neither. And i in my opinion it is absolutely reasonable that he might feel uncomfortable sharing a shower with Asher, or with another male in general, or even with another person. If I was getting naked, Asher would be one the last people I would want to be around, nothing to do with his sexuality.

    Is Anita basically saying, ‘if we were lovers, I would be having sex with him’? Because, yeah, that’s kind of the definition. But I only think of my friends like that when I am drunk half out of my mind. Which may explain a lot…

  2. Tell me, hetro and homo normative readers: is it normal to look upon your friends and think, ‘I could do all this stuff to them if we were having sex – but we aren’t, so I guess I should stop thinking of them in these extremely sexual ways’.

    For me: The way you put it, yes, absolutely, if I find them attractive. (And usually I find my male friends attractive because I like them or they wouldn’t be my friends. That does not mean I want to have sex with them, however.) If I’m attracted to a dude, wanting to touch or kiss him will occasionally pop into my head against my will when he’s there. It definitely would happen if he were naked and I gave him a towel, and probably more so if I’d just seen him in a sexual situation. It is not something I’ve ever taken lovingly to my bosom and stroked (at least not when the guy’s in the room *cough*), because they’re friends, not lovers, and one can be attracted to someone without actually wanting to have sex with them.

    I have a very strong memory of my body first going ZING when I was near my first real crush when I was 15. While it was a physically enjoyable sensation, there was also the “oh shit I hope he didn’t notice that” feeling. I got better at hiding it (or thinking I’m hiding it), but it still happens plenty, often accompanied with unbidden imagery. Stuff like, “gah, that’s my best friend’s boyfriend! Stop conjuring images of making out with him, brain!”

    WHY? WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH HIS PENIS? IT IS JUST A PENIS. PENISES ARE NOT EXTRAORDINARY. 49% OF THE POPULATION HAS THEM.

    Because she wants to boff him. The penises of men I want to have sex with have always held a definite fascination. But Anita is very icky about it. She has this tone that’s both clinical and lustful at the same time that’s just… yuck.

    LKH kind of sidles up to possibly getting it sort of right, and then gets lost somewhere. It feels weirdly like she thinks she knows what she’s trying to describe, but has never actually felt it or listened to anyone else who felt it. But that’s how all her writing is; she simply cannot get anything down on the page in a believable way.

  3. “is it normal to look upon your friends and think, ‘I could do all this stuff to them if we were having sex – but we aren’t, so I guess I should stop thinking of them in these extremely sexual ways’.”

    Not unless she was someone I was already attracted to anyway, no.

  4. The first part of this chapter was just weird. Especially that someone helping you shower thing; I don’t know about anyone else but I can reach any part of my body quite easily.

    Then we get to the whole Verne thing, and apparently LKH temporary forgot that vampires can tell when people are lying. I read this and I am like ‘why are you guys being so stupid, you know he is telling the truth’. Then of course I remembered I was reading LKH 😦

    “The moment his back was to me, I pressed the gun barrel into his back and kicked the door closed.” (LKH)

    Bad idea. Body contact with a semiautomatic can cause it to go ‘out of battery’ and if that happens the gun won’t fire (it goes without saying never deliberately attempt this). Of course, since Anita never racked the slide and she doesn’t keep a round in the chamber her gun can’t fire anyways.

    Reading LKH write about guns is sort of like reading a sex scene in a fanfiction written by a virgin teenager who doesn’t quite know where things are positioned and what goes where. Except the fanfiction writer has an excuse for their ignorance while LKH does not.

    • Admittedly, my shoulders aren’t terribly flexible so I often call in my spouse and ask her to help scrub my back (she never seems to mind).
      Also, I have a lover who adores shower sex, and as long as we’re both already post- rinse and the water’s still warm, it can be fun.
      And as a horny polyamorous bi chick, I find her attitude about sex baffling and insulting.
      However… Anita has used kitty litter for brains, so i can see how all that would confuse her. Poor thing, she’s having a tough enough time with her clothing.

  5. “11 pages for the day and I’m brain fried, but in a good way. I know the book is going well, because yesterday I had to remind myself, that I could have sex, I hadn’t just given birth to multiples, that was Merry. Whenever the lines blur that much I know the magic is happening, just got to put my ass in a chair long enough to type it all out. *laughs* Sounds so simple, right? I wish.”

    I’m sorry. This was literally LKH’s Facebook update right as I finished reading this, and I just….had to post it. Mind you, this is maybe the third this week about the Merry book, *which is due in a few weeks.*

    But, yeah. I just felt that this is one of those posts of hers that kind of encapsulates her problems as an author. She really, really puts too much of herself into these characters, without any actual filter. And then we get horrible things like this chapter’s mental dialogue about lusting after every penis in sight (which, dear lords, I don’t myself).

  6. How do you suppose LKH responds to pansexuals? Does her mind just like… explode? Because she’s so biphobic with the “seeing both as sexual objects” shit. I, personally, view bisexualism as on the binary spectrum and pansexualism as ALL THE THINGS (where that’s a quote from Hyperbole and a Half and not an insult to anyone not identifying on the binary spectrum, or who aren’t cisgendered). Poor, poor LKH. *explosion noises*

      • Psssh, silly Dottie! You know people who don’t want to have sex don’t really exist! You just haven’t found the right undead rapist, that’s all!

        …God lkh makes me almost as angry as 50 Shades.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s