A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter fifteen

Thanks everyone for chiming in about the BDSM stuff last chapter. Obviously, I am not an expert, but LKH thinks she is. Even I can tell when she gets it wrong, but talking about what’s wrong and in what ways is one of the great things about this blog. We talks the deep things.

And today’s chapter, which is pretty much Anita talking about her clothes.

It took three rounds of shampoo to get my hair clean. The stuff on my body didn’t seem to want to come off unless I scrubbed. There is that point in the middles of the back that you just can’t do yourself. It is one of the few areas that married people have an edge on us single folk.

You’re not single, Anita. You have a boyfriend.

And that’s crap. Your arms can reach every part of your back – and, if you’re in shape like Anita, it should be a lot easier to reach all areas of your back. Now, it might be tricky to clean effectively, but that’s what back scrubbers were designed for. But nope, it has to be hammered in that SINGLE PEOPLE ARE DUMB.

Cherry has to bring in Anita’s clothes for her, as that is all she is good for. One outfit is a red leather catsuit, but this is dismissed. This is what Anita picks out.

I ended up in a short-sleeved, black velvet, midriff top with such a low neckline that it took a special bra under it just so the bra didn’t show. Jean-Claude had kindzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……

Oh god, I can’t, I just can’t. I can’t pretend to even give a mocking shit about LKH’s dedication to stroking Anita’s outfits. It’s an entire chapter of going on about her clothes. A WHOLE CHAPTER YOU GUYS. It’d be as if the Civil War ground to a halt in Gone With The Wind to describe Scarlet’s clothing for thirty pages.

This is what Anita is wearing, which is SO VITAL TO KNOW:

  • A top with a low neckline.
  • A push-up bra with no straps that Anita freaks out about. Because a strapless bra is just soooooo weird.
  • A leather skirt with extra special belt loops for her shoulder holster.
  • Thigh-high black boots that are so high that the tops brush up against Anita’s crotch, that have been hand-made for her so JC measured Anita in her sleep just to make sure she had a matching pair of hooker boots.
  • That’s just creepy.

Anita looks over all her guns and we must know how she is an amazing badass because she has so many guns and aren’t guns amazingly cool.

I hate guns.

I don’t think they are cool and, if I’m honest, I think this kind of wankery over guns is really damaging as a mindset to promote.

Anita has a load of machine guns, isn’t that fantastic, and boasts to Asher… who has suddenly arrived, about how they cut vampires in half. Riveting. Asher – who was tortured in a way that made his flesh melt – seems to think this is very impressive.

Jamil then comes in and he’s wearing a shrug and jeans. Everyone is apparently dressed in a super impressive way, although I fail to see why anyone is supposed to find fetish gear impressive and imposing in a political context. Richard is going to be coming along as well, because.

Though he, like Jamil, had never belonged to Jean-Claude intimately enough to have specially made clothes. So it was whatever they could find in his suitcase. Happy hunting.

I don’t like the implication that it’s okay for JC to measure people in their sleep and to be such a control freak that he must control what everyone is wearing, even away from home. It is not okay. It’s really not okay.


20 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter fifteen

  1. Thigh high boots? Really? Why not just wear leather trousers? And I’ve worn thigh high boots once, they can be amazingly difficult to move and sit comfortably in. When you’re going into the woods, with the possibility of running or fighting, you do not want to be limited by thigh high boots. Also, she is going to be very, very cold. Also, the bra. If her boobs are as big as she keeps telling us, she is going to struggle with a strapless bra. If it’s one that she hasn’t worn before, which I’m guessing it is given that she is OMG shocked, she is going to be adjusting that thing all night. And given that different places cut and size bras differently, even if the labels say they’re the same, it might not fit at all. At least, it should be digging in uncomfortably unless JC measured her chest while she was asleep as well, or has an exceptional eye for female underwear.

    Why is a book about a vampire executioner forcing me to rant about her underwear? If LKH hadn’t gone into so much detail, I wouldn’t be able to spot all the fail.

  2. “Jamil then comes in and he’s wearing a shrug and jeans.”

    For a minute I thought you meant a shrug sweater

    “Though he, like Jamil, had never belonged to Jean-Claude intimately enough to have specially made clothes. So it was whatever they could find in his suitcase. Happy hunting.”

    I don’t know what’s creepier, the bit about BELONGING to JC like a pet to dress up, or Anita clearly going nyah-nyah at him because he’s not

  3. I don’t mind the guns. She fights monsters, she needs guns. I am not overly fond of her tendency to point them randomly at anyone who disagrees with her, but then I like to consider myself sane.

    I DO have an issue with her going into the woods to fight werewolves dressed like a prostitute who caters specifically to clowns that have a leather fetish. Jeans, a coat, and hiking boots were not packed because why?

    • The guns I get, but it’s the constant wankery over guns that I hate.

      She’s going out to deal with the vampires who attacked Nathaniel. The vampires who only attacked Dick for Brains when their reasonable request was met with a threat of immediate war. She does bring it on herself.

      • Oh, right, this was the vampire meeting, not the werewolf meeting. It’s as though all the events in these books blur together for some reason…

      • I don’t mind wankery over guns, it’s when the wankery over guns is WRONG that bugs me. Case in point, you are not going to cut anyone in half with a mini-Uzi, hell it is even possible to empty the whole magazine (assuming 20 rounds) into someone and not kill them.

      • “The vampires who only attacked Dick for Brains when their reasonable request was met with a threat of immediate war.”

        And I’m supposed to think they’re the bad guys for doing this? And I suppose I should feel sorry for all those German troops who crossed into Poland in 1938.

        [I’m not trying to invoke Godwin’s Law, it’s just the best comparison I could come up with]

      • If I could have come up with a Napoleon comparison, I would have gone with that, what with JC being French and all.

      • Basically, Louis XIV decided to shoe-horn his big platform shoes into the Spanish succession question. When he didn’t have any allies or any real reason to get involved, other than I WANT TO FIIIIIIIGHT.

      • Well, I think he did just finish putting together a nice new army. Can’t blame him for wanting to try it out.

  4. I have never worn a strapless bra that didn’t end up around my belly button. And I have only worn strapless bras when knowing I would be sitting still. I do not see how a strapless bra could work when one is going to be active. But I gave up on strapless bras entirely when I was about 20 — do they make them that much better now? Actually, this book was published when I was 21, so yeah. Should fall around her hips shortly.

    The fact that she can’t reach her back to wash is more evidence for Anita having tiny T-rex arms. Also, I do not shower with my husband every day, who does that? Married people wash their own backs too, and I can’t believe I just felt the need to type that. She is so weird.

    • What, you mean you actually take a shower to get *clean*? Clearly the entire purpose of taking a shower while in a relationship is to have sexy-times.

      • I actually find showering together entirely unsexy. Intimate, yes. But the type of intimate that is from cuddling in bed with your partner. Or, if you want an LKH-type metaphor, like bonding with your young child. (And now I’m skeeved.)

        I think this is usually because my mindset when I shower is “gross gross I am so grooosss I need to get clean~” and therefore I can’t want a guy licking on me. If, however, we’ve already bathed and then he… nope, not really. Licking bathwater will never make sense to me. At least in the shower, post-rinse, the water is still clean.

        (I have also had depression for a long time, so there have been times where I literally haven’t dragged myself into the shower until I could feel my bodily oils coating my skin. So. Gross and unsexy. Also like shifter goo…)

        *bows out after TMI*

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