A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter ten


I leaned against the door of my cabin, eyes closed, breathing in the cool air. I’d turned the air-conditioning on for my two guests. The coffins sat in the middle of the floor between the desk and the bed. Under the Circus of the Damned, deep underground, neither Damien nor Asher slept until full dark. I hadn’t been sure if they would aboveground or not. So the air.

…. because air conditioning keeps the room dark?

I’d understand it if cool air kept vampires asleep, but it isn’t. They go to sleep in the day, no matter how the day is, whether above ground or not. This is just so Anita can say that vampires smell weird and OH NOES she is dating a vampire and isn’t that dreadful.

She then looks in the mirror and she’s injured but she’s healing quickly and that’s so surprising except it isn’t because she has the marks of a vampiric servant and has done for a few books now and SHOULD BE AWARE OF THIS SHIT AND WHAT IT CAN DO TO HER BODY.

Anyway, she senses with super speshul necromancer powers that Damian and Asher are awake and getting up and atom.

Damian was a green-eyed redhead, but that didn’t really cover it.

Unless he has a second head that is coloured purple, yes, you have covered it.

His hair fell like a red curtain around his upper body, the hair so red it looked like spilled blood against the green silk of his shirt. The shirt was a paler green than his eyes. They were like liquid fire, if fire could burn green.

Stop abusing similes that way! If your comparison works if you change the comparable thing (like ‘hey this candyfloss would be like a ferris wheel if it was a ferris wheel’), then it means your comparison does not work.

It was natural colour, as if his mother had fooled around with a cat.

So it wasn’t a natural colour then. As cats and humans don’t really have the same eye colours as pigmentation differs from species to species.

Asher was a blue-eyed blond, but again, that description didn’t do him service.

That’s what he is. Ain’t no fancy ass descriptions going to make him not be, at the end of it, a blue eyed blonde.

He was wearing a white dress shirt, untucked over chocolate brown dress pants. Leather loafers, no socks, completed his clothes. I’d spent too much time around Jean-Claude to call it an outfit.

No, groin high boots and see through clothing make an outfit!

Seriously though, it’s disgusting to wear loafers without socks.

Asher was beautifully handsome like a medieval cherub. Half of him, anyway.

I have never seen a face of such beauty.

Okay, LKH clearly means the idealised versions of cherubs we have today. Those adorable little toddlers in those nappies, flying about the place…. um, is she accidentally saying that I ought to find idealised children sexually attractive?

Anita then goes on and on and on and on about those scars of his, seeming to miss that part in the last book where to stop him from raping her, she had to seduce him until he felt too uncomfortable to hold her down and forcibly penetrate her.

No, I am not forgetting that it happened.

They ask where the bodyguards are, suggest she may have had sex with Richard, and she practically stamps her foot and screams.

Asher came to stand beside me. He rested his hands lightly on my shoulders. “You are quite right, Anita. What you do with Monsieur Zeeman [GET IT HE’S FRENCH] is none of my business.”

I slid my hands over his, sliding my fingers to intertwine with his. I remembered the feel of his cool skin against mine. I leaned my back against him, pulling his arms around me, and I wasn’t tall enough.

he wants to rape you. this man tried to rape you. why are you so comfortable with him.

But actually she has JC’s memories but this makes asher happy because now, finally, someone isn’t treating him like a freak. as in over two hundred years no woman ever ever has liked him because he has scars, and no woman in their right mind could like someone with disfigurements.

Sigh.

You could have just have Asher now finally able to feel that he can get over Julianna’s death because he knows the truth. But nope, women hate men with disfigurements apart from the saintly Anita Blake, lover of all men.

Asher is happy that she’s treating him this way because he can’t be with JC right now. As the man you love is easily replaceable by the woman he loves and who you tried to rape. That’s how that works.

Damian gets grumpy and asks to eat. When Anita gives him permission to chow down on one of their donors (as obviously all the werewolves and wereleopards are instantly okay with being fed on), Asher and her complain about how grumpy he is. It’s almost like a, he’s a cock, and b, you have unimaginable powers over him through necromancy,

“Go get dinner. I think the werewolves are planning some sort of party or ceremony.”

Richard told you to your face, just twenty minutes ago. You know this.

This is broken by by Daniel Zeeman, who phones Anita to head down to the Happy Cowboy (subtle.) as the Zeeman’s mother has found the rape claimant and is threatening to fight her to make her recant and stop lying. Gee, that’s clever. Get yourself arrested for witness intimidation, tampering, and trying to pervert the course of justice. While we know there’s a massive conspiracy, the conspiracy is still in place. Richard’s mother has just made him look very guilty.

Oh, and Daniel can’t stop his mother because she is soooooo overbearing. Like all mothers and housewives!

Anita wonders what to do. She thinks of involving Richard, but the sheriff would probably arrest him. And seeing as the whole town knows what’s happening, they would probably get him arrested for witness intimidation as well, meaning that the Zeeman family would have fucked themselves over royally. Is there any point of having a conspiracy when the people you’re trying to conspire against do all the work themselves?

Anita sighs, as she’s going to have to punch out Charlotte. Yes. That’s the appropriate solution to this problem.

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6 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter ten

  1. I really hate the whole NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE ASHER EXCEPT ANITA CUZ SHE’S SO PERFECT….firstly, I know this never happens in AB, but people can and do love people based on things other than looks. Including, gasp, us vain shallow gross slutty women. There are women who love plain guys, and ugly guys, and guys with serious deformities. Secondly, as far as looks do go, Anita has made it abundantly clear that Asher is uber ridiculously super beautiful on the side that isn’t scarred, and that alone is going to catch a lot of eyes and, even if they don’t like the scars, catching someone’s eye usually leads to them at least TALKING to you, and you go from there. Honestly, I think the problem is more Asher’s personality and the scars are a handy excuse.

    Also, that’s not even going in to the LOADS of women and men whose specific fantasy is some poor injured beautiful bird that they can…wait, I think that’s what’s going on here. Seriously this is some Phantom fanfic I swear.

    • Music is the gift he gives to …. Anita.

      I don’t like Asher, mainly because he makes me say ‘I don’t like Asher’ when I have a friend called Asher that I do like and it is awkward to say ‘I don’t like Asher’. Asherception.

  2. “Get yourself arrested for witness intimidation, tampering, and tr[ying] to pervert the course of justice.”

    Don’t forget about the assault. So much assault.

    “While we know there’s a massive conspiracy, the conspiracy is still in place.”

    To be fair, the conspiracy is as intelligent and effective as everyone else in Anita Blake. That is the’re idiots and massively incompetent. What do you want to bet that in the end, it turns out that all this is highly unnecessary and the conspirators could easily accomplish their goals some other way if they weren’t so stupid?

    • If the land the trolls are living on is so valuable, I don’t know why the town can’t talk to the EPA and make other arrangements, either in terms of compensation or saying that the trolls are disrupting the business of farm work and having them moved to a wildlife sanctuary.

      Although the trolls seem to be another humanoid race and I’m not sure why they qualify as animals.

      • You know, this plot sound exactly like something out of an episode of Scoobie-Doo. Only much, much dumber.

      • I’m really wondering now if the trolls in this were an influence on the “Petstuck” trend in Homestuck fandom, in which the canonically humanoid alien trolls are portrayed as catlike pets of humans. Except the best bits of Petstuck are deconstructions of the idea and show how awful it is to keep human-intelligent things as pets, and they don’t suck.
        To be fair, plenty of actual animals use tools and elephants have burial rituals. If we actually saw a troll onscreen I’d be able to tell whether that’s what LKH means or if it is as creepy as it sounds.

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