A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter nine


I wasn’t able to produce a long review yesterday, as I was in Hastings until quite late. Reading back, with the help of finite_wombat, I did realise that Richard got bail.

However, this presents further problems. He was barred from getting bail. Based on what I know about the American legal system, which is probably derived from the exact same resources as LKH, bail is set at a hearing overseen by a courtroom judge. They decide whether to grant it, what the amount should be, and whether the suspect is remanded (?) to prison. A judge ruled that Richard was denied bail. Unless they rushed him to an appeal suddenly, I don’t think Sheriff Wilkes has the power to overturn the judge’s ruling, unless he wishes to be put in contempt. No matter how much Anita rushes around threatening people, she is a court official and is bound by the laws of the court.

No matter how many goons she seriously injures, it doesn’t make the law dissipate.

Anita goes back to the cabins and her face totally aches but she didn’t get stitches cause she hates them and doesn’t use anaesthetic because she’s tuff. When she rocks up, Jamil is dressed up in a manner to display how token he is, and everyone laughs about how Anita fainted to get them out of trouble.

May I remind you they knocked five of them into unconsciousness, two with concussions, one with a swelling of the brain, and one may never walk again.

Then all the werewolves start acting as suspiciously as physically possible because – GASP SHOCK – Richard is with one of those many women he told Anita about. Lucy wants to smell Anita, as she is nothing but a ‘dog’.

Her walk was an exaggerated sway so that the short, plum colored skirt bloused around her and you got glimpses of the hose and garters she was wearing underneath.

So her skirt is eight inches long. Plus, she’s a HOOWARRR.

She was carrying a pair of black heels but walked towards us in a graceful, almost tiptoe movement. Her blouse was a paler purple, unbuttoned to that you glimpsed enough of the bra to know it was black and matched the rest of the undies that you could see. And either the bra was a wonderbra or she was, well, stacked.

Wonderbra is a company name and copyrighted name, so it should be capitalised.

She was wearing more makeup than I ever wore, but it was well-applied and made her skin look smooth and perfect. Her dark lipstick was smeared.

Lucy’s outfit is awful, but seeing how she greets Anita, I think I love her.

“So you’re Richard’s human bitch.”

It was so hostile, it made me smile.

Look, Anita has met another type of her species!

Anita greets Lucy, and says that Richard mentioned her. This makes Lucy cry for some reason. Richard leaves his crying girlfriend to take his ex-girlfriend into the cabin. Did I mention that he’s half-naked? Anita sure cares that he’s half-naked and is dripping with water, just how she likes him.

That bright flash of perfect teeth in the permanent tan of his face. Most people thought Richard was tanned. I knew it was skin colour because I’d seen the whole package. He was white bread, all Middle American, with a family that made the Waltons look unfriendly, but a generation or so back was something not so white bread.

*grits teeth*

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR OBSESSION WITH WHITE-BUT-NOT-TOO-WHITE-BUT-NOT-TOO-ETHNIC PEOPLE?

I’ve spoken about how ridiculous it is that LKH doesn’t believe that there are people of European descent can be olive skinned (hi Mediterranean people apparently you don’t exist) but it also implies that it is undesirable to have black ancestry. And that people who live in Europe and America only  have white European descent, which is to ignore the entirety of the rest of the world. This is bizarre, considering that St. Louis has Asian, Hispanic, and oh yes, quite a sizeable black population.

But nope, LKH seems to think that if you are white, you are only allowed to have white european ancestors. Unless it makes you ‘exotic’ and HAWT.

Richard goes into the shower again, and Anita cries because Lucy and Richard have sex together which is terrible.

Three months with Jean-Claude, and I was a sex expert.

Whatever.

Richard and I had been engaged, briefly. But we’d never had sex. We’d been chaste since our first experience in college with other people. Just a personal choice that we both shared.

Bullshit. Richard didn’t want to have sex with you lest he ripped your head off, and you didn’t want to have sex with him until you saw him change into a werewolf.

and then we hear about the trolls richard has been studying and

LKH is the most offensive ignorant author ever

like, even more than meyer

you see, the trolls are forms of life that were once considered wild animals, with no civility or worthwhile culture. like monkeys or apes. then in the early twentieth century some scientist found they used tools and had burial customs. so ministers went out to convert them to Christianity, to dress them in suits, and to display them to the public. they’re like mini humans, but not as clever or smart, and just get treated like animals, even in the modern day.

yes, because this has no uncomfortable real life parallels to any historical treatment of any peoples by white people, ever

Anita doesn’t really have any opinions on the treatment of trolls. She thinks it’s sad, but has no real thoughts on it. That’s another problem with the world building in these books (besides unfortunate implications BY THE FUCKING TRUCKLOAD). Things happen, but Anita never has a single connection to any of them. She talks about them, but that’s it. She has no opinions on them. She has no passionate thoughts about politics or the art produced by trolls or their treatment or the fact they have human intelligence and are treated as animals still and have a society that proclaims themselves ‘friends’ but do nothing to help them or about butterflies. Anita does not interact. She can’t feel real as a person, because she does not interact or react as a real person. She never has, and I doubt she ever will.

Actually, Anita does react to the trolls. It’s another chance to talk about herself!

Once upon a time, I’d envisioned spending my life in the field doing this kind of work. A sort of preternatural Jane Goodall. Though truthfully, primates hadn’t been my main area of interest. Dragons, maybe, or lake monsters. Nothing that wouldn’t eat me if it got the chance.

That was an awkward sentence. I know what you mean, but your phrasing is so off-putting that it could read as you thinking that primates eat humans or that dragons don’t. And a Jane Goodall reference? That’s funny. LKH wanted to be like Jane Goodall too.

Richard comes out the shower and starts talking about how his project – his vague, ill-defined project – needs good press and hasn’t she seen the news? Anita says she doesn’t read the newspaper or watch TV because she lives in a fucking void of information. Richard tries to chat casually about Lucy, so Anita accuses him of trying to fight with her.

Anyway, stuff about the trolls. The group of trolls have split into two groups, which is unusual as trolls have low birth rates. The second group have moved onto local land. It was owned by a farmer, who was happy to have them, but he died six months ago. His son hates the trolls. Luckily, the trolls are a protected species. Unluckily, he’s been applying to sell the land and this was stopped by the research group because selling land – and I must stress, NOT trying to move the trolls – is bad. If animals live on your land, it must stay in your family forever and ever, because no one else ever will want the land. Like, say, the charity devoted to saving the trolls. So the son started saying that the trolls have been stealing goats, which they don’t do, and two weeks ago a man died in the mountains, where the trolls do not live, and the police claim it was a troll kill.

“But somehow the body was listed as a troll kill.”

I frowned at him. “It’s not like a shark kill, Richard. How did they tell a troll did it?”

….

Anita LKH, I thought you were a biology expert. I’m sure there are certain ways to tell what sort of animal killed someone, be they troll, or lion, or vicious sociopathic bitch.

The dead man’s body had bites taken out of it and had been beaten to death. Anita claims that animals would have done that (yes, bears are well known for their tastes in bludgeoning lost hikers) and because Sheriff Wilkes is as a god, he has the power to change coroner’s reports.

Richard asks if Wilkes was responsible for Anita’s injuries and this naturally leads them to attempt hot steamy makeouts. Anita clearly wants Richard, by how she has not said anything of the sort to him. This is passed over, as Anita tries to get Richard out of town. He refuses, as otherwise everyone is going to hunt the trolls down with guns and dogs.

It must be sad living in a world there there are no branches of the government devoted to protecting endangered wildlife.

Oh, hello EPA.

It seems that the crux of the book will be trying to find out why the farm land is so valuable. Richard and Anita think of minerals straight away, especially emeralds, as of course, farmland is where there will be valuable minerals like emeralds. Nitrates possibly, but not anything like emeralds.

This leads to hot steamy Richard making Anita touch his chest and forcing the door closed so she can’t get out and makes her say she loves him and that she should have just shot marcus and godamnit, why must every romantic interaction have rapey overtones?

Richard asks why she left him, but she just can’t bring herself to say ‘because you ate marcus’ as this… eh, who the fuck knows.

Anita gets out of there but at midnight there will be special werewolf celebrations and oh joy oh joy oh joy

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6 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter nine

  1. “However, this presents further problems. He was barred from getting bail. Based on what I know about the American legal system, which is probably derived from the exact same resources as LKH, bail is set at a hearing overseen by a courtroom judge. They decide whether to grant it, what the amount should be, and whether the suspect is remanded (?) to prison. A judge ruled that Richard was denied bail. Unless they rushed him to an appeal suddenly, I don’t think Sheriff Wilkes has the power to overturn the judge’s ruling, unless he wishes to be put in contempt.”

    Sadly, you probably know vastly more about the American legal system than LKH ever will as all this is correct. However, it is possible for the Judge to reconsider the bail amount (I don’t know the exact timeline and procedure in Tennessee, probably some sort of evidentiary hearing) and being how the Judge’s actions in denying bail are BLATANTLY ILLEGAL he probably did reconsider once a lawyer got involved and pointed this out to him.

    And too bad absolutely none of this is in the book. They come down to TN to get Richard out of jail and it is taken care of in a couple words hidden in another sentence. Who paid the bail? Are there travel restrictions? Who the hell knows, certainly not LKH. Well it could be worse: Anita could have been knocked out in the fight and then when she woke up everyone could have explained to her how they resolved the plot. Ugh.

    “It must be sad living in a world there there are no branches of the government devoted to protecting endangered wildlife. Oh, hello EPA.”

    I had the exact same thought. There is also the United States Fish and Wildlife Service who’s job it is to help protect endangered species.

  2. Literally the only “good” thing to come from this chapter for me was “oh, so there are lake monsters in the Anitaverse too, I wonder what they’re like since they’re never ever mentioned ever again”

    nor are trolls after this book, actually, and we never see one onscreen which I recall made me sad when I read this book for the first time

  3. “Look, Anita has met another type of her species!”

    And now, like the queen bee, the two females will battle for dominance. The victor will take possession of the harem of male drones, and the loser will be forced to seek out another chance to acquire mates.

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