A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter seven


“Have fun visiting your boyfriend?” Maiden asked as he followed me down the hall.

I waited at the second locked door. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Everyone keeps saying that.” Maiden unlocked the door and held it open. “Maybe it’s a case of the lady protesting too much.”

“Take your library card and shove it, Maiden.”

“Ooh,” he said, “that was nasty. Wonder if I can think of a comeback half that good.”

The dialogue is so painful.

Anita gets her gun back, and Maiden’s loaded it with a single bullet in the chamber. Anita thinks this must be a message – a warning against something! I think it’s a message about what she should do with it, but whatever. She then wangsts about how much cops hate her, especially small town cops, because she’s such a super cool vampire executioner.

Maiden then tells Anita he’s going to be on lunch. The police station will be empty. Richard should jump bail right now because before this day, there were a lot of nice, upstanding citizens around the place.

… is this all going to be a conspiracy?

Anita and Jason are then magically outside without walking, and by … sigh, I have to call him this, Shang-Da’s house. There’s a big old pickup truck (REMEMBER EVERYONE IS A REDNECK, HEEHAWW) with four dudes in it. I guess this is what Maiden was warning us so subtly about. None of them has weapons, so Anita’s feeling pretty confident until she remembers that, whoops, murder is illegal.

Myerton’s legal system didn’t seem to take to well to strangers.

Because the town is run by hicks! Do you find it funny yet?

Shang-Da gets himself into the fighting stance for a martial art as, you know, he’s Asian and must know martial arts. Then his grandmother, who is dressed like Every Old Woman Stereotype Ever, comes out, shakes her cane, and tells everyone to stop threatening her grandson. Anita sighs about how she just can’t shoot them, and says that she’s going to beat the crap out of them. They ignore her, and she calls them ‘stupid amateur muscle’.

Well, they’re not stupid. Out of these three people – the skinny white girl, the short skinny white dude, and the guy who looks ready to fight – I wonder which one of these people you would consider taking on in a fight.

The gang all round up, and then start mocking Shang-Da by calling him ‘China Boy’. You know, this may be a bit out there, but I don’t think LKH has ever been around overtly racist people. The truly committed bigots who don’t hide behind a veneer of ‘but I just think ethnic peoples are so cool and exotic!’ (hem hem, naming no names). If she is presenting this violent gang as being backwards racists, while ‘China Boy’ is offensive, it’s a bit… I’m trying to be very careful with what I’m saying, but considering the racial slurs aimed at Chinese people, ‘China Boy’ is the sort of insult someone would come up with because they don’t want to write actual racial slurs and they have to make up one that is blindingly obvious, to make it clear ‘hey, these guys are racists and that is bad and symptomatic of everything that rednecks are!‘.

What I’m saying is that LKH has that level of white blindness where she cannot understand or perceive racism correctly, and seems to think it is people being mildly nasty. Which is bad when her main character is Hispanic.

Jason and Anita critique the gang’s racial epithet of choice, and Anita thinks about how fighting four guys twice her size is going to be hard. But she’s got a black belt in Judo, so she should be fine. And all those bodyguards just a few minutes away, but they would take away her glory. And has a guy with her who has superhuman strength, but both her and the author appear to have forgotten that.

Anita is charged at by ‘Mel’ a big slab of muscle who she beats easily. She breaks his leg for good measure. Jason throws one into the side of the truck. More men have appeared to arrive, as there were four originally, and now there are three who are unconscious while Jason and Shang-Da fight off a few more. And Anita stands there and does nothing. What a hero. The guys seem to be doing fine, until one of them kicks Jason in the head. Cripes, I hope the guy with super strength and super healing abilities can possibly cope with this onslaught! Anita finally decides to help and is kicked in the chest. She is sent flying across the yard.

Then the sheriff who was totes in on this arrives.

“Freeze motherfucker!”

Oh, I see someone likes Samuel L. Jackson movies! Because I highly doubt a sheriff would shout this on the main street of town, opposite the police station!

He tries claiming that obviously, Anita’s gang attacked the pile of unlimited goons that are lying about the place. Anita is helped up, and immediately describes Sheriff Wilkes by what type of gun he has. Sheriff Wilkes has actually heard of Anita, as she is super famous, and wants to know why she’s in town, spoiling his conspiracy. She says she’s here for Richard, and HAHAHAHAHAHA HE THINKS SHE’S DATING HIM AHAHAHAHAHAH.

The sheriff’s deputies giggle at Anita. I’m guessing they’re evil. The sheriff tries to press charges against Anita, but she claims the fact that all the goons are now unconscious was purely an act of self-defence. Well, she looks white, she can get away with that kind of crap.

Anita fakes fainting to avoid criminal charges. That’s a girly thing to do, right?

Sigh.

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7 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter seven

  1. “We stood staring at each other for a few frozen moments, then I put the Browning in the holster with the bullet ready to go, though I checked the safety twice. Didn’t usually go around with a live round in the chamber. Made me nervous. Made me more nervous that Maiden might be trying to warn me. Of course, he might just be yanking my chain. Some cops, especially small town ones, tended to give me grief. Being a vampire executioner made some of them want to trade macho shit with me, like getting me to carry a live round in the chamber.” (LKH)

    So either LKH has no idea how guns work or Anita is being contrary for the sake of being contrary. See the thing is Anita, when firing a semi-automatic like your Browning a round has to be in the chamber for it to fire, so all those times you whipped out your gun and shot someone? No, the gun makes a click sound and nothing happens. Therefore you routinely carry a round in the chamber.

    “You’re not suggesting he jump bail, are you, Officer?” (LKH)

    Why the hell is Anita assuming Richard is going to have a travel restriction on his bail? Especially, when the assumption should be the opposite for the situation? I– Argh! *Takes several deep breaths*

    “Once you pull a gun in a fight, you’ve pushed the violence level to a height where death is a very real possibility.” (LKH)

    A couple of chapters ago, guns were for intimidating people (drunks), but now they are not. Consistency thy name is truly LKH.

    Is it bad that when Millie came out my immediate reaction is ‘she is a redneck, why doesn’t she have a shotgun?’

    “More men have appeared to arrive, as there were four originally, and now there are three who are unconscious while Jason and Shang-Da fight off a few more.” (Dottie)

    I had to go back and reread because I thought there were four too, but there were actually 5: four in the back and the driver. I don’t know where the other one came from (by my count there were six).

    “and immediately describes Sheriff Wilkes by what type of gun he has” (Dottie)

    Which is quite impressive as a) it is holstered, and thus very hard to distinguish and b) Beratta doesn’t make a 10mm meaning it looks exactly like some other model of Beretta. Research Fail.

    And the whole legal fail about the assault charges… I’m not going to get started. Do some frikking research LKH!

  2. All LKH really has to do is use food to insult people. Seriously. Calling Shang-Da “Chop Suey” or some sort of laughable insult based off stereotypical American Chinese food is what passes for racial slurs in many parts of the US. I should know, I’ve had “taco” and “burrito” shouted at me in what was a classic act of superiority. (And possibly you saw the Top Gear episode when they were in Mexico; making fun of the food is not even remarkable. I was more insulted that they were *terrible* attempts at being insulting.)

    • The Top Gear episode in Mexico made me stop watching the show. I found their ignorance disgusting.

      There were a lot of imaginative insults based around food on the racial slur dictionary. I was surprised by the sheer amount of them.

  3. LKH indeed comes off as completely ignorant of actual bigotry, and this is indeed yet another awkward example as to why. Off the top of my head I can think of a few much nastier terms for Chinese people I’ve heard just from my dad, and much more frequently…honestly I don’t think I’ve ever heard China Boy. Not that no one would ever say it, it’s just, as you said, really not the first thing I’d think a bunch of hardcore racists would have at the ready. It just makes me think of that “China Girl” song by David Bowie, actually DX

    I think you hit the nail on the head with this:

    ‘China Boy’ is the sort of insult someone would come up with because they don’t want to write actual racial slurs and they have to make up one that is blindingly obvious, to make it clear ‘hey, these guys are racists and that is bad and symptomatic of everything that rednecks are!‘.”

    And, yes, she has uber white blindness. I’m a middle class white girl from an almost entirely white family who grew up in what was entirely a white neighborhood up until recently, and *I* can tell this fer crying out loud.

    FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER LOLOLOOOL OMGGG

  4. Personally, I read all the deputy’s lines as just dripping with sarcasm. Like he took one look at Anita and knew she’s got an over-inflated opinion of herself, and is in desperate need of being taken down a peg or two.

    And no, Anita, the cops don’t give you grief because you’re such a badass – they give you grief because you’re constantly treating them like crap. In fact, I’m betting Dolph and the RIPT or whatever they’re called talk shit about you behind your back all the time. And the only reason they don’t say these things to your face is because they’re afraid you’ll shoot them – which you probably would, because you’re psychotic.

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