A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter five


Anita checks into these convenient cabins because….

 

Actually, I have no idea why they’re at the Blue Moon cabins. It has yet to be explained. I know the local packmaster owns them, so I guess Richard may have been staying there, but if he’s been living in the unnamed town for a few months to do his studies, I would expect him to have his own place. The dude owns a vintage Mustang. He has the money to rent out his own apartment.

It’s a nice enough room, dressed with white furniture and blue decorations, completely unlike any cabin I have ever imagined.

There was even a painting over the bed. It was a reproduction of Van Gogh’s Starry Night. Frankly, any of Van Gogh’s work done after he started going seriously nuts creeps me out.

Two things.

Number one, Starry Night is the opposite of a creepy painting.

This isn’t a Dali. There’s nothing freaky or challenging in this picture. It’s just a move into impressionist imaginative freedom, and is very beautiful.

Number two, I get seriously ableist vibes from that sentence. Namely, that Anita finds those effected by mental illness ‘creepy’. It would have been easy to just say that she simply dislikes the painting. Instead, she had to draw attention to Van Gogh’s mental state, and casually insult it.

Anita’s cabin is shared by Asher’s and Damian’s coffins, because, you know, conflict. She then phones Carl Belisarius, who informs her that Richard is refusing to see him. Belisarius then rather abruptly asks her about money, so that Anita can unleash a lot of wank about how she’s an amazing vampire executioner and is rolling in the benjies. Because that’s important in the grand scheme of things.

Jason comes in, dressed up in a suit that JC picked out, as he can’t let anyone dress themselves and…

god anita, you’re hateful even to those you have deigned to like

He buttoned the first button on the jacket and smoothed his hands through his blond hair. “How do I look?”

I shook my head. “Like a person.”

……

He IS a person, you disgusting wasted drivel of snot beads.

Jason is pleased with her approval, so now Anita can get dressed up.

The fresh blouse was a pale, almost icy, lavender. It had been a gift from my stepmother, Judith. When I opened the box at Christmas and saw the pale blouse, I assumed she bought me yet another piece of clothing that would look better on her blond –

BLONDE GODDAMN IT

– ice princess than on my darker one.

Oh god, no brunettes can ever wear pastels, ever. So sayeth Anita Blake. The clear expert in fashion matters. Even though I think a brunette can rock pale blues really well. A pale blue can look washed out on those with very fair hair – it does depend on the person, the shade, and the cut.

either way SHUT UP ANGSTING ANITA

But the pure, clear color actually looked pretty spiffy. I’d even been gracious enough to tell Judith I was wearing it. I think it was the first gift in ten years that I hadn’t exchanged. I was still 0 for 8 in the gift department for her. Oh, well.

Gracious?

Gracious?

GRACIOUS?

That’s the word you chose??? You petty pathetic little…. oh god, I have to drop it. I have to drop it.

Anita Blake, you are a mean spirited c*nt. There are no other words. The gall of her smug, self-satisfied spiel that oh look, she’s finally condescended to like a present from her stepmother. She exchanges the other ones, because how dare Judith be caring and make an effort after ALL THESE YEARS of this bullshit from Anita.

Judith is the single best character in this series. This is why in The Other Blake I wanted to make Hannah like Judith. Judith goes through all this shit and never, not once, makes a single word of complaint. Can you imagine living with a teenaged Anita Blake? Can you imagine living with the constant fear that she might raise dead animals to come after you and your children? And not once did Judith complain to her husband. She lived with it, put up with it, and never acted out against Anita.

Judith is a saint. She must have gone through so many problems. When my stepsister caused trouble a few years ago, it sent my mother spiralling into depression again. I have lived in a house with an ungrateful step-sibling (sister Smith is in a much better place now, and there were a lot of issues at the time that I don’t have the time, energy or space to fully go into). It is a living nightmare. It is a terrible situation to be in. It’s incredibly stressful and miserable and is a terrible environment for everyone involved. And bear in mind that Judith had two small children in this household, and I think all anti-fans need to declare a celebratory day in her honour.

…. oh god, i just had the worst thought. can you imagine living in fear that your hateful stepdaughter might try and kill your infant child with a zombie?

Anita then moves onto talking about how vampire executioners might be made into federal marshals and this is needed because executioners are better than you. They hunt, you see.

No, you don’t.

Mainly Anita bitches about how she isn’t treated like a police officer, as surprise, surprise, she is not a police officer and never will be. She does not protect and serve. She whines and kills people.

A kiss of vampires is like a gaggle of geese; it’s the group name. Poetic, ain’t it?

No.

It’s stupid.

Why aren’t they a colony of vampires? Or a nest of vampires? Why ‘kiss’? Why must everything be linked to sex?

anyway Jason and Anita are going to skip off to see Richard.

JOY OF JOYS.

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6 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter five

  1. About the cabin thing: staying at a hotel suite/cabin long term is actually pretty common, especially if you have the money for it (and you may be able to get a pretty decent long term rate) and a small town may not have apartments for rent or the apartments might be so horrible that you never ever want to stay at them and would rather pay for a hotel suite.

    So here is my pet theory after reading this chapter: Carl Belisarius is not a great lawyer. In fact he is a pretty bad lawyer. Last in his class at law school. Passed the Bar Exam on his tenth try. Never won a case. Then one day a woman he knows named Catherine calls up and says that she has a real idiot a client who needs representation in Tennessee. The client is so dumb he can charge anything he wants and the client will pay it provided he just acts like a big shot lawyer and if Belisarius will split the money with her, Catherine will recommend him to the client. Belisarius agrees.

    I mean he is hired by someone else (Anita) to represent someone (Richard) and he doesn’t disclose their name to the person he has been hired to represent? And he apparently has no idea what a retainer is? These are not signs of competence in an attorney.

  2. Also, if Jason is going in the police station/sheriff’s office with Anita, which he is, then they should have had one of the other ‘bodyguards’ be the driver in order to watch the car and stuff. Also someone should probably be entering places ahead of Anita to check them out and make sure they are safe. This is simple bodyguarding 101 type stuff.

    Though I guess it makes sense that the werewolves/wereleopards are pretty bad bodyguards, since they aren’t actually professional bodyguards but just random people that JC threatened with death.

  3. Colony of vampires is what I use in my work. My friend made it up (like a colony of bats, see?) but she said I could use it. Kiss, though, god….just, ugh.

    Whoa, I never thought about the “worrying your angry stepdaughter might raise dead stuff to come after you and your kids angle” but that is a totally legit fear with a teen Anita.

    • Yeah, I figured colony because bats. I like the phrase nest just because… it sounds kind of cool, and it makes me think of vampires curling up together, and then arising to meet the night…

      Judith is my queen. I think we need to instigate a anti-fandom day of Judith celebration. Can you imagine going to bed each night, not knowing if you’re going to be woken up by a dead body coming into your home? Yeesh. Anita is enough of an angry bitch to do it.

      • If you want to talk cool group-nouns, I think crows have it best – they’re called a “murder”. Seriously, say that out loud – “murder of crows”. If I had a band, that’s what I’d name it (and we’d play metal, of course).

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