A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter three

Everyone is flying over to Tennessee in a private jet, that I presume belongs to JC. JC has a shit ton of money. Private planes cost a lot of money.

Jason is sat next to Anita and laughs at the fact that she’s afraid of planes. I don’t like Jason. He’s an asshole. It’s casually mentioned that he is exactly 5’3, the same height as Anita, which is odd. You would have thought that his height would have been mentioned before now, seeing as that is really, really short for a guy. Especially considering how much LKH cares about her freakishly normal size.

He’d turned twenty-one this summer. He’d informed me that he was a Gemini, and he was now legal for everything.

He can’t rent a car.

That sentence also carries the subtle implication that he was not old enough to be working at the Circus but JC though ‘mmm jailbait, let’s make him work as a stripper!’.

Jason continues to be an asshole by saying that there’s nothing to worry about and starts jumping around, proclaiming that the plane is surely solid, look at him! It’s amazing how LKH can’t write any characters that act and behave like real people.

Anita’s solution is to summon Zane and demand that Jason is taken from her side. Why is Zane still around? He was prostituting the wereleopards. He is a nasty man who makes money off human suffering. I do not want him to be a character that gets away without punishment for what he did.

His hair had been dyed a shocking yellow, like neon buttercups, shaved on the sides and gelled into small, stiff spikes on top. He wore black vinyl pants, like a slick second skin, and a matching vest, no shirt. Shiny black boots completed the outfit.

WHY MUST LKH TAKE THE SINGERS I LOVE AND TURN THEM INTO TERRIBLE CHARACTERS???? First, JC was a second rate Dave Vanian. Now, the insane rapist has been melded into a terrible version of Billy Idol. This is a cruel torture indeed.

Zane and Jason face off at each other, as if to fight, and then Zane grabs Jason and kisses him.

“You bisexual son of a bitch.”

Oh yes biphobia that’s what this book needed. Because a man being kissed by another man is totes disgusting. *rolls eyes*

Anita thinks about how claustrophobic she is, while Zane pets at her and she thinks about how submissive and lovely he is. Zane is not lovely. Zane sold his friends into sexual slavery. I am not going to forget this.

Cherry joined us. She was tall and slender, with straight, naturally blond –

Blonde. She’s a cisfemale, so she’s blonde. Simple grammar rules.

– cut very, very short and close to a strong, triangular face. The eyeshadow was gray, the eyeliner so black it looked like crayon. The lipstick was black. The makeup wasn’t the colors I’d have chosen for her, but it did match her clothes. Black fishnet stockings, vinyl miniskirt, black go-go boots, and a black lace bra underneath a fishnet shirt. She’d added the bra for my benefit. Left to her own devices, when she wasn’t working as a nurse, she went pretty much topless.

Hello Siouxsie Sioux. I’m sorry you had to be dragged into this mess.

She’d been a nurse until they found out she was a wereleopard; then she’d been the victim of budget cuts. Maybe it was budget cuts, but then again, maybe it wasn’t. It was illegal to discriminate against someone because they had a disease, but no one wants a were-anything treating the sick. People seem to think lycanthropes can’t control themselves around freshly spilled blood.

Like that time in The Lunatic Cafe when Anita shot Alfred in the stomach and everyone in the room descended into a cannibalistic frenzy that tore apart his body?

So yes, were-animals can’t control themselves around freshly spilled blood. You’ve displayed that. Frequently.

Some of the newer shapeshifters would be in trouble, but Cherry wasn’t new. She’d been a good nurse, and now she’d never be a nurse again. She was bitter about it and had turned herself into the slut bride from Planet X, as if even in human form, she wanted people to know what she was now: different, other. Trouble was, she looked like a thousand other teens and early twenties who also wanted to be different and stand out.

  • I feel very sorry for Cherry being the victim of such blatant discrimination.
  • She should consider suing them.
  • Why don’t they allow weres to treat fellow weres? Weres have their own wards and shit, why not have them staffed by were doctors?
  • Cherry is allowed to be bitter at enfranchised racism. If Anita had any connection to her hispanic heritage, surely she would understand it better than other people?
  • Don’t call her a slut. Don’t slut shame. Cherry has a right to express herself in what way she feels comfortable.
  • Oh right, because you’re the only one allowed to be original and special Anita, with your terrible fashion sense and lack of personality.
  • I vote Cherry into the Hannah Blake universe.
  • oooooooo i ship cherry/Hannah Blake
  • best ship ever!

Anita then declares that her bodyguard – who have to be with her after she openly threatening war on Colin – can’t be with her. She has to work alone, as she’s a fucking idiot.

“Look, nothing personal  –

Code for ‘I’m about to be extremely offensive’.

– but you look like the top half of an S and M wedding cake. Cops don’t like people who look sort of…” I wasn’t sure how to say it without being insulting. Cops were meat-and-potatoes people. They weren’t impressed by the exotic. They’d seen it all and cleaned up the mess. Most of the exotic that they saw were bad guys. After a while, policemen seem to think anything exotic is a bad guy; just saves time.

That is complete and utter bullshit. I’m sorry, but that is certified, grade A, talking out of your ass wank. For a start, that is an insulting generalisation of both cops and those in the S&M community by assuming that they are not mutually inclusive. Those in the S&M community are not more law breaking than any other. In fact, as a community, they rely on mutually agreed laws and boundaries to ensure safety. They’re the last people to suspect of a crime. And criminals do not get away with crimes by running around being ‘exotic’. That gets you caught, numbskull. Criminals try to be mundane and unnoticeable. They don’t run around in day-glo underwear because the police would notice them.

Anita, you’re such an idiot.

If I walked into the police station with Tweedle-punk and Tweedle-slut, it was going to raise the cop’s antennae.

Don’t call Cherry a slut. And don’t imply that it would be her fault if you got kicked out of the police station. It’d be because you’ve arrived to work on a personal case when you have no jurisdiction in Tennessee and, more importantly, have not been and will never be a qualified police officer.

This naturally means Anita devolves into a very long discussion of what she’s wearing and her weaponry and I DON’T CARE. I WILL NEVER CARE. Then Nathaniel bounds up and I want to beat him in the face because I really hate Nathaniel and his entitled manipulative bullshit. This means Anita can talk about being queen of the wereleopards, in a concentrated attack on me.

Gabriel, their old alpha, had pimped them out.

So did Zane.

Shapeshifters can take a lot of damage and survive. Gabriel had figured out a way to make that pay. He pimped his kitties out to the S and M set. People who liked to give pain had paid a lot of money for Nathaniel, once upon a time. The first time I’d ever seen him was in the hospital after a client had gotten carried away and nearly killed him.

Thank you for again implying that those into S&M are massive criminal perverts who like committing violent crimes. You’re such a wonderful liberal kind of gal, LKH.

Anita complains that Nathaniel wants her to be his domme and she can’t do it because she is incapable of saying NO and STOP MAKING ME PAY FOR YOUR BILLS, DICKWAD. Grow the fuck up and tell him to fuck off!

Jason, Nathaniel and Cherry all rub together now because duh, she’s a slut and they’re bisexual so they’re always flirting and always trying to sleep with people. Jason offers to go with Anita to the police station, demands a kiss from Cherry, then says they all look like porn stars.

This means that Anita recaps how much of a disgusting man Gabriel was and casually drops that Nathaniel was in the films.

Nathaniel had given me a gift box of three of his movies. He suggested we watch them together. I said thanks, but no thanks. I kept the tapes mainly because I wasn’t sure what to do with them. I mean, he’d given me a gift. I was raised not to be rude. They were way in the back of my video cabinet, hidden behind a stack of Disney tapes. And no, I had not watched them once I was alone.

Those tapes feature rape, torture, bestiality, and murder.

What the fuck is wrong with Nathaniel.

What the fuck is wrong with Anita that she doesn’t throw the tapes away.

What the fuck is wrong with Anita that she doesn’t tell Nathaniel to fuck off and leave her alone.

Then turbulence kicks in and everyone crowds dramatically around Anita. She goes suitably pale, and Jason uses this to kiss her. She yells at him to not touch her – which is what I would do – but he just giggles.

I’m trying to think of a new way to say how much I hate all these characters, but there are very few new ways in which to say how disgustingly spinecrawling they are.


12 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Blue Moon’ chapter three

  1. Where does JC GET his money, anyway? As far as can be told he only owns like, a few clubs and stuff. I can see him being well-off, but I don’t think you can afford a private jet on strip-club-owner money.

    Maybe it’s a shitty plane and it will crash. That would improve the story.

      • He is obviously in the meth business with the werewolves. Remember that Raina was his silent partner. She supplied the drugs which he distributed through his clubs. And the plane is for smuggling the drugs to other cities!

    • I’m under the impression that most of the older vamps are pretty well off. Think about it, they’ve had a few hundred more years than humans to make and save money.

  2. To be fair, JC may have just chartered the private jet. Still insanely expensive though. But it makes one wonder: if Anita hates flying so much, why didn’t they just drive there? I mean St. Louis is pretty close to Tennessee, it would only take them about 4-6 hours or so. Hell, it might even end up being faster than flying depending on how fast they can get the plane ready. For that matter they are lucky they can even land that thing anywhere near where they are going, this seems to be a fairly big plane and most municipal airport couldn’t handle it.

    Also, I am glad you hate seem to hate Jason as much as I do. I am not a violent person but reading this chapter made me want to gouge out his freaking eyes.

    Also Cherry is a nurse. That is not an easy job. So it seems weird to me that she, and the rest of the wereleopards for that matter, should be so totally pathologically dependent on Anita. And the way she keeps calling them kitty’s. Urgh. It makes my stomach churn.

  3. So, I originally read the series in high school, but my first encounter with it was this book, when I was in middle school, and I think I had only just gotten through this part when my parents found it and took it away. I thought it was the coolest, edgiest thing ever, and was so excited when I found Guilty Pleasures later at the library when I was a few years older and was like “omg this is the first book of the series that other one was in! cooool! Now I’m old enough to read it!…..if I keep it hidden better this time.”

    From this, I conclude only demographic LKH really comes off as edgy and daring and cool to are the ones that shouldn’t be reading this tripe and picking up her shitty views because they’re too young to know better.

    This is also the only part I ever actually remember Zane being in, hence my HOMG WUT when you got to his bit on this blog about how we first meet him ugggh

    and I still love Cherry ❤ She winds up with Zane and then they vanish offscreen because how dare there be a couple that Anita isn't a part of, but now that I have been reminded of what a slime Zane actually is, I very much root for Cherry/Hannah instead!

    • She is edgy and daring to teenagers, I should imagine, because she writes and seems to think like a teenager. (This is not to disparage teenage reading habits, just that I thought a lot of dumb shit was cool when I was fourteen. I would have inhaled this series back then. All of seven years ago. Oh, how I’ve grown)

      If I remember, I will write a Hannah/Cherry spite fic where it is beautiful and Cherry can be as Siouxsie Sioux as she wants without being judged.

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