A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter fifty two

Fernando tried to make a break for it but he was outmanned.

Do you remember when it was such a big deal that Anita and her gang tried to get Fernando and it was so hard? Well, he’s taken out in one sentence. Him and Liv are lead off to face pack justice, and that’s the end of the big ole villains.


(Kudos to sokudoningyou for this. My followers are the best.)

Yvette then comes in and says that her master, Morte d’Amour thinks JC is trying to make a new Vampire Council in the US. Yeah, whatever. JC isn’t capable of organising a jumble sale, let alone a governmental organisation. She suggests executing JC, which I am all for. Padma and the Traveler says they have to vote on it, like a good democracy, and this makes Yvette reveal she has been working with Harry the bartender to mastermind the arson attacks.

for no godamned reason.

the arson attacks did NOTHING in this book. They had no effect on anything!

Yvette wants to go back to the way things were, so now everyone is pro-vampire following the terrorist attacks, she can have a bloody revenger and make everyone hate vampires, as this is a plan that makes sense.

nope. nope. it makes no sense AT ALL.

Yvette tries to get Asher to attack JC but Anita’s seduction means he has no hatred left in him.

“There must be an alchemy in you that I do not see, Anita. You bewitch every vampire that comes near you and every shapeshifter.”

Pointing out the contrivances in your writing doesn’t excuse them.

Warrick is then revealed as a pyrokinetic and it takes two pages for Anita to realise. The fires were supposed to incriminate JC –


but Warrick isn’t setting any more of them. He’s now a master vampire and will no more desire Yvette’s ‘white flesh’. Her power vanishes and Warrick sets her on fire. Everyone stands around and watches Yvette burn.

I think I can compose a song about this book and how it ties up the vampire council and arson subplots….

pointless, pointless. pointless, pointlesss…….


5 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter fifty two

  1. Unfortunately, yes. Our stalwart author wanted nothing so much as to write a tedious story about vampires faffing about in goofy clothes, and the crime story was a subplot she forgot about until the very last second.

  2. In the current book I’m on (kiss the dead) JC has not only become head of a vampire council in the US (and its sole member mentioned, curiously…) he’s also inherited everything from the MOAD because his Human Servant, Anita, defeated her, meaning he now commands the Harlequin and whatever other servants and territory she has.

    I cannot tell you how I hate this.

    • JC couldn’t organise a children’s playdate. I have no idea how he would function as a member of government.

      (Although this does mean that the true king of the vampires is, as it always should have been, Mister Puddykins)

      • I can imagine JC trying to be leader.

        Rule 1: All vampires must dress like strippers.
        Rule 2: No vampire may have a job that isn’t related to sex
        Rule 3: Everyone must humor Ma Petite
        Rule 4:…………..

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