I am tired and LKH has realised that nothing has really happened in the book for a while, so stomps on the plot pedal and flings us into PLOT OVERDRIVE. Back in the early days of Dottie Smith’s Verbal Menagerie, when I was tired or pissed off I would make everything into one of my patented bullet point lists. So, I’m bringing it back, along with another old favourite – pic spam!
Let’s do this.
- JC’s front room is now massive dining room.
- There’s a guy called Ernie we’ve never met who is hanging from the ceiling.
- There are a bunch of wineglasses on the table, so you can guess where this is going.
- Anita, the vampire expert, can’t.
- Rafael is here, for some reason.
- Padma steps out dressed in the most stereotypically Indian outfit LKH could imagine.
- JC has a go at Ernie for coming home early and getting himself in danger.
- Thomas and Gideon make a reappearance. Gideon is naked and is being lead around on a chain.
- JC asks if they mean to drink Ernie, and Anita is surprised that he would think about draining a human and drinking their blood.
- But no, it’s all grandstanding.
- Everyone is hungry and had to eat the Traveler’s cast offs.
- The Traveler then appears, with Balthasar, dressed as a Greek hero.
- Anita insinuates that gay men are unable to be monogamous. Pleasant.
- The Traveler says it’s against the law to feed in the area of another vampire but he felt like eating Triforce tonight and makes eyes at Richard.
- They say that Richard wants to fuck JC and this MAKES RICHARD MAD.
- Yvette and Warrick then come in.
- Yvette is wearing a really bad dress that is a bit like a dirndl yet is described as cutting edge fashion.
- Liv is also here and is all unhappy and stuff and is made to wear a dress and is all scared and stuff and whatever, no one cares.
- Asher comes in and is all beautiful and wearing basically nothing to rub his scars in everyone’s face.
- He strokes his neck and this makes Anita gasp.
- Now, as the Vampire Council aren’t allowed to rape or torture anyone, so this means that Asher must now rape Anita and feed on her.
- more rape
- just what this book needed
- then the wereleopards come in and they’re being forced to be animals so now anita has to let asher rape her for the sake of the wereleopards
- please, won’t someone think of the wereleopards
- JC’s solution is for Anita to seduce the rape away
- she must seduce asher and this will freak him out so much that the rape will just be mildly unpleasant or something
- JC, you are the world’s worst slime creature
- This result in Anita calling richard an ass and accusing him of ruining her life in public
- he is not the one ruining your life here, my dear.
PIC SPAM TIME FOR I AM TIRED AND SAD
Pic spam makes us all feel better.