A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter forty eight


Hope everyone’s had a great weekend, and they’re enjoying the Sunday story still.

I was given a clean bill of health.

I’m surprised by that. Anita went under the water for a minute or two and yet was unconscious for nearly two days. That’s not quite right.

Pete McKinnon called late in the day. He’d found that there were fires similar to those set by our firebug in New Orleans and San Francisco. It took a moment for me to remember why those particular cities were important. When I remembered, I asked, “How about Boston?”

“No, no fires in Boston. Why?”

I don’t think he quite believed me when I said, “nothing,” but unlike Dolph, he let it go. I wasn’t ready to point the finger at the Vampire Council. Just because the mysterious fires happened in cities they’d been visiting didn’t mean it had to be them. There had been no fires in Boston. Just because there were now mysterious fires in St. Louis, and the council was here, didn’t prove anything. Yeah, and the Easter Bunny brings me goodies every year.

WOW

JUST WOW

After all that pissing and bitching, some progress is FINALLY made on the arson case from the beginning of the book. It hasn’t been mentioned at all since the first few chapters, but now we get a sudden, miraculous breakthrough. A breakthrough that makes no sense as the firebug arson attacks started BEFORE the Vampire Council arrived. The only arson attacks to take place while the Council were in St. Louis were performed by a human terrorist organisation who mostly targeted shapeshifters.

This is what happens when you don’t plot out what is going to happen in your crime novel. It doesn’t make any fucking sense, and feels tacked on. If LKH wanted to write about the Vampire Council, why didn’t she just write about the Vampire Council?

Anita tells JC of her breakthrough, and for once, Monsieur Twatwaffle is the voice of reason. After all, why would the Vampire Council go around setting fire to things? Although he has missed the key point. That they are EVIL and need no reasons to do anything.

But it’s time for dinner with the Council, so we get a splurge of clothes porn.

True darkness found me in a short form-fitting black velvet dress with a V-neck and no sleeves. The waist of the dress was open lace.

That’s a real nicely tacky dress there, Ms. B.

My skin showed pale and enticing through it. Black thigh-high hose that actually came up a bit higher than mid-thigh, like all the way up until the black lace stretch top brushed against the black satin panties with their lace edgings. The hose were a size too large. Jean-Claude had purchased them, and done it deliberately. I’d tried thigh-highs before and had to agree that the longer length was more flattering for my shorter legs.

oh god make it stop my brain is melting.

No one gives a shit about the length of your stockings.

It sort of framed the right area.

That’s not the point of stockings. Why not try crotchless pants instead.

JC actually picked out shoes for the outfit too, and nags at Anita for not putting them on. Yes, love is when your every move and choice is taken away from you by your abusive, asshole boyfriend.

They talk about how sexy it is to undress each other. Anita gets turned on by the thought of his silk boxer shorts. I want to dig my fingers into my skull. They start making out in an especially sloppy manner and then Richard walks in. Oh good. Maybe he’ll kill JC.

Richard is in a full tux and tails, because any Master’s Degree student has money to waste on shit like that.

His long hair slicked back into a ponytail so tight it gave the illusion of short hair.

That isn’t possible, so stop treating it like a real thing. It isn’t.

Anita waxes lyrical about Richard’s perfect looks for two paragraphs before anything happens.

Jean-Claude sat up on the couch, his mouth smeared with lipstick. The red so vivid against his pale skin it looked like the surprised scarlet of blood. He ran his tongue around the outside of his mouth, then ran his finger across his upper lip, slowly, until it came away red. He put the finger in his mouth and sucked the lipstick off of it, very slowly, very deliberately.

what

ew

lipstick don’t taste good

This makes Richard ANGRY and JC’s voice is full of regret, for some reason. Anita then prattles on about the vampires of St. Louis and the Council meeting with the mayor (when the fuck did that happen?) and how the Council are sooo the stuff of nightmares. Nope. I’m not going to buy that they are ever scary. I’ve met bunnies that were scarier.

Anita asks what they could do to her. JC doesn’t answer, which is totes scary.

Anyway, she freshens her lipstick and they skip off to meet the Vampire Council. Joy.

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8 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter forty eight

  1. Wow. Don’t you love it in a novel when, instead of being given subtle clues and slowly piecing them together to decide which of multiple possible people are responsible for the crime, the author’s avatar gives you the answer, and even they have to admit that it makes no sense based on the information given. Don’t you love it when the author obviously cares so little about a plot thread, and put it in only so that she could have the title she wanted. Isn’t that the pinnacle of storytelling, right there?

    • LKH has never been able to tell a crime narrative, and it becomes so obvious in this book. No time was spent on the crime at all, and it was all about the Vampire Council. Which she could have just made the book about.

  2. All these clothes descriptions are reminding me that I had set a challenge for me. I mean to draw the clothes (or a good portion of them) and try to make them as untacky as possible. Only have a sketch from Bullet thus far, but I really should take that up again.

  3. I can’t remember where it’s mentioned, but doesn’t the Pack tithe to the Ulfric? Could be that is where Richard gets all his money. Inherited it after he ate Marcus. You keep what you kill and all that.

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