A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter forty two


At the burnt house, a human caretaker was around to phone the police. She has massive fang marks on her, as she’s a member of the Church of Eternal Life and sees vampires as her salvation.

I still maintain that having a church devoted to worshipping vampires is fundamentally flawed. Religion relies upon faith. Faith is a hard thing to have when you see the divine deities you worship going to a laundrette or buying porn at the newsagents.

The two-biter’s name was Caroline, and she stood hugging herself as if she were cold. Since you could probably fry eggs on the sidewalk, I didn’t think she was cold, or at least not that kind of cold.

The ways in which LKH completely fails in describing basic things such as people being cold continues to horrify and amaze me.

Anita is going to take Caroline for a walk. Dolph agrees to her questioning this woman, because that’s not massively illegal. Anita is NOT a police officer. Stop making her act as a police officer.

There’s a loooooooong bit of how much authorities hate vampires (but not Anita!) and how she has to think of bodies as being ‘its’ even though she has been around a lot of dead bodies by this point and how much Anita loves coffee and then Caroline and her sit on a neighbour’s front lawn which gives me the lovely mental image of Anita being chased off by an old lady with a broom.

Caroline asks if she can trust Anita. Anita says maybe, which makes Caroline trust her without thinking.

I took a drink of my own soda and tried to appear casual, forced my body not to tense up, not to show how much I wanted to simply scream at her until she told me whatever it was. Short of torture, you can’t make people talk, not really.

What logical person immediately starts to think about torture when sat down with a witness?

Caroline then leans against Anita and puts her head on her shoulder. That’s a bit weird. She reveals that the vampires in the house were early risers which is significant… because. The pair of them then talk about the Vampire Council. Malcolm, the church leader, saw them as a sign that everyone was ready to mass convert to the true faith.

Oh, and all the young vampires were brutally attacking Caroline. They’ve basically bitten huge chunks out of her breasts. Now, we can’t talk about Caroline’s pain or injuries so what do we get?

Long, lengthy descriptions of all of Anita’s scars.

The depths of my boredom when it comes to discussing Anita’s injuries knows no bounds.

Caroline is surprised that vampires might hurt someone. Anita has to moralise about how all vampires are pure evil and only some of them are able to control how vicious and cruel they are.

It’s amazing how inconsistent this book is from chapter to chapter.

Caroline asks whether Anita believes this of JC. Anita obviously can’t admit her boyfriend is a massive rapist, so dodges the question. Caroline breaks down about how lost she feels, and in a moment of genuine human empathy, Anita hugs her.

This is a weird chapter. I was expect Anita to shank Caroline or something.

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8 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter forty two

  1. Anita just has to be on the opposite side of a fight. If Caroline had said that vampires were evil soulless monsters, Anita would be screaming about how they’re just misunderstood, and are really people like everyone else.
    Is it just me, or is ‘the two-biter’ a really insulting way to refer to a woman who appear to be in shock?
    Why does Anita need to question her? She won’t have any information vital to the rescue operation that only a preternatural expert could understand, which is the only reason I can think of that a civilian would be allowed to interview someone who, judging by the police presence, should be treated as a witness to a crime. Wouldn’t it be more important for her to be telling the person coordinating the rescue about the layout and number of possible bodies? Unless this is just a ploy by Dolph to get Anita out of the way.
    Dolph: When Blake gets here, I need you to distract her.
    Caroline: Why?
    Dolph: So she doesn’t try to interfere. Or share her experience. Just sit with her and look fragile. She’ll spend enough time judging you while pretending to care that we can get things set up.
    Caroline: But what if she won’t stay with me?
    Dolph: Ask about her scars. Or tell her that vampires aren’t dangerous. Then you can stop listening for the next ten minutes. Quick! Here she comes-look like you’re in shock!

    • Regarding the two-biter description: we must always be reminded of her connection to vampires and men.

      I totally buy that Dolph is fiddling with things on the sideline. Otherwise he’s just a stupid and annoying character.

      Do you want to know how I got these scars?

      • My VAMPIRE was…a frenchman. And a FIEND. One days he goes all… FOPPIER than usual. My mother dies years ago in an accident that still traumatizes me twenty years later; he doesn’t like that. Not. One. Bit. So…me watching…he dresses himself in lacy shirts and thigh-high hooker boots.

        Then he looks at me. “Why…no…glamorous?” he asks. He comes at ME with the weird prostitute clothes. “Why…no…glamorous?” He puts the underwear-flashing dress on me for ten chapters while a male werewolf wears a woman’s nightie and well… … …

        Why no glamorous?

  2. How many books until we get an editor back? Because this is starting to get painful.

    It’s going to get a lot worse, isn’t it? Don’t answer that, of course it is.

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