A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter thirty three

We;d called the ambulance and found that they weren’t coming right away. Too many other emergencies ahead of us.

Zane has been shot in the chest. I think injuries like that jump right to the front of the ambulance list.

Cherry immediately leaps into action and runs to get a Ziploc bag, masking tape, and scissors. These get used on Zane’s wounds; she measures up the wound, puts the bag on top with tape, and leaves one corner undone.

“Why is one corner untaped?”

She answered without looking up from her patient. “The open corner lets him breathe, but when he sucks in air the bag collapses and seals the wound. It’s called an inclusive bandage.”

This befuddled me for a while, as there is nothing called an inclusive bandage – at least, not that I can find. I can find ‘occlusive dressings’ but they are nothing like this. This is what LKH means:

Gunshots to the chest can cause what is known as a “sucking chest wound.” These happen when air travels in and out of the wound with each breath. Treat these as follows:[1]

  • Seal wound with hand or airtight material (e.g., plastic film).
  • Apply an airtight bandage on three sides of the wound (see image below). Do not close the bandage on the fourth side. This will allow the chest to achieve its usual negative pressure state. Air will escape through the valve during inhalation.

I thought she was making it up, because she wrapped it up in a turd bow.

Cherry treats Zane for shock, which is actual good treatment for his condition and I am surprised. Medical care in these books has frequently been inaccurate. Anita does nothing, except think that Cherry is nice ‘outside the monster stuff’, and stare at Richard, who has come running in wearing a towel.

He pricked his finger on a rose thorn. His response to this was not ‘Oh, I’ll put a plaster on it’ but ‘I’m going to have a shower!’.

Oh no wait it means Richard is running around in a ittybitty towel that clings to his butt and lets him pose and make Anita uncomfortable.

on one hand, I hate it for being LKH throwing her audience a hunky nude man. On the other hand, it is aimed at making Anita uncomfortable and I support that.

Richard then does a long thing of whipping his wet hair around and arching his back and running hands through his hair and looking like Meg from Hercules. Anita thinks about how she misses having fun with Richard, but that she misses his amazing buff high school science teacher’s body.

I don’t think longingly of the bodies of high school science teachers.

Their voices, maybe.

Anita can only think about licking shower water from Richard’s body and… what is the deal with Anita getting turned on by licking bath water off people? Again, I can understand the licking part. I get that. But bath water? Which is full of soap and scum and hair and dirt? Um. No. Unless you constitute ‘bath water’ with ‘hot fudge’ and ‘Richard’ for ‘a big pile of fudge’, I can not get on board with this.

“I don’t mean to interrupt the stud watch,” Jamil said.

You may join the fudge party, Jamil, who displays an active interest in wanting to know why the dead man decided to deliver some justice to Zane. No one recognises him, but Ronnie has to run off to be sick. Probably so we don’t think she’s better than Anita. And then this happens and I… what.

Gwen walked into the room. “A lot of people who can take the sight of blood don’t like to see other things leaking out.”

“Thank you, Ms. Therapist,” Jamil said.

She turned to him like a small blond (Blonde. Blonde.) storm, her otherworldly energy spiraling through the room. “You are a homophobic bastard.”

I raised eyebrows. “I miss something?

“Jamil is one of those men who believes that every lesbian is just a heterosexual woman waiting for the right man. He was persistent enough to me that Sylvie kicked his ass.”

…. the fuck?

Where did that come from? And it isn’t talked about. It just happens, and then Jason arrives so we can talk about whether Dead Delivery Guy was a trained assassin and how Jamil loves killing people and that Anita wanted him to die and she’s such a little werewolf and morality is an illusion.

No one even comes close to discussing why Gwen suddenly explodes and how it does not fit in at all with the actions of this chapter. Jamil may be a homophobic bastard. But there is no evidence of that. What we have is a lesbian made into a crazed, fuming angry woman; she is the pinnacle of how awful women are, because she doesn’t even have the forgiveable aspect of devoting her life to men. She is crazy and bursts into angry rages for little or no reason. This is not a good LGBT character, to put it lightly.

Ronnie breaks this up by coming back and saying that all if this could have been avoided if Anita had just slept with Richard.

I fail to see how. If she had slept with Richard, she would have had to sleep with JC anyway. He was blackmailing her and making it clear he was going to rape her.

“I know you. If you’d had sex with Richard first, you sill wouldn’t be sleeping with that damn vampire. You think sex is a commitment.”

I sighed. We’d had this talk before. “Sex should mean something, Ronnie.”

“I agree,” she said, “But if I had your scruples, I’d still just be holding hands with Louie. We’re having a wonderful time.”

“But where is it going?”

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the couch. “Anita, you make your life harder than it has to be.” She opened her eyes and moved her head so she could just look at me and slump. “Why can’t a relationship just be what it is? Why does everything with you have to be so damn well serious?”

“It is serious or it should be?”

“Why?” She said.

I was finally reduced to shrugging. If I hadn’t been having sex with a vampire out of wedlock, I’d have had some moral high ground to stand on.

So, well. All I get from this is ‘RONNIE IS A MASSIVE SLUT AND YOU SHOULD JUDGE HER BECAUSE SHE JUDGES ME’. I mean, Anita is trying to say ‘well shucks I’m not a judge’ but all I get is that Ronnie is bad and is not as good as Anita.

And then there’s the fact this conversation is had in front of Louie, and everyone in the entire room. Neither of them respect the other or anyone else. This is the dimension of the arseholes.

Ronnie then says Anita should run upstairs and have sex with Richard. Right then. Richard’s anger is clearly based in the fact he wishes to have sex with Anita. I’d say ignore everything that Ronnie says, but she also advises that Anita dump JC which I support. Goddamnit, why is there not one single character in this book I can like?



2 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter thirty three

  1. Lesbians: Randomly angry women who will accuse people, especially poor menz, of homophobia out of the blue for no reason. Gee, that’s not a stereotype I’m really familiar with and get used against me in my actual life when I do want to call out homophobia OH WAIT IT IS

    why does she even think about ‘sexy’ stuff, bath water or not, when someone has a sucking chest wound? I think even if a person who matched my preferences was prancing around in a towel at that moment, I’d really NOT be in the mood.

    • I have no doubt in my mind that there are a number of people in the AB universe who are rampantly homophobic. I suspect Anita is as well. I suspect that Gwen has just been treated so badly she exploded in a bit that should have been entirely cut from the book for making NO SENSE.

      But hot menz prancing in their towels that perfectly cling to their backside who wouldn’t want to have the sex right then and there using the dying person as a mattress

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