A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter twenty six

Hello all! I hope your weekends were pleasant. Mine involved a lot of emotional abuse. So, same old, same old.

Anita has broken into the shapeshifter hospital in order to sleep, rather than go back to her home, for no discernible reason. She’s showered and got naked, and bitches about how there are no spare hospital gowns. You could go home and get your pyjamas. And sleep in your own damn bed.

I fell asleep in a strange bed with sheets clutched to my naked breasts, and the Firestar under my pillow.

It’s almost like you have a home you could sleep in. Why are you sleeping in the hospital?

Anita goes on and on about how she’s nearly naked and yet she’s not cold and yet she’s holding the sheets to her body as if it’s cold!1111!!! Something has woken her up and it’s – oh, it’s just Richard, suddenly appearing in the middle of his Master’s Degree to probably not do anything. She feels bad because she’s slept with JC and Richard will know she’s wearing special perfume.

They can sense each other or something, and Richard waits outside while Anita gets dressed. This takes far too long, as he immediately demands what is taking her so long. She finishes and we get a superduper new description of Richard.

He was six foot one, broad-shouldered, with high-sculpted cheekbones, and a wide soft mouth. There was a dimple in his chin, and he was altogether too handsome. His eyes were still perfect chocolate brown; only the pain in them was new. His hair fell in thick waves around his shoulders, a brown so full of gold and copper highlights that there should have been a different word for it. Brown is a dull word, and his hair was not dull.

He was wearing a blood-red tank top that left his muscular shoulders and arms bare. I knew that every inch of him you could see, and what you could not, was tanned a nice soft brown. But it wasn’t really tanned, just his natural skin colour.

they find each other super hawt and because of the triforce they are feeling each other’s horniness and Richard says this is awkward so Anita bitches at him and OH GOD THIS IS SO BAD

Richard is here to say that Anita had no right to take away Sylvie’s control of the werewolves – Sylvie was left in charge, not Anita. Apparently, Sylvie deserved to be demoted because she revoked protection from Stephen (when?) and wanted to kill him. This makes it okay for Anita to hate Sylvie. Richard then accuses Anita of hating shapeshifters which… yeah, I think she does.

Anita whines that he’s being cruel and trying to hurt her. I wonder why. She then says as she’s seen inside Richard’s head, she knows he doesn’t hate her so… nyah nyah or something. Anita is like the worst ex-girlfriend in the world. And this is coming from a girl who sent messages to an ex about how much I’d moved on with a new bloke. (I was eighteen and just out of my first serious relationship, just FYI. I know how dickish it is)

Anita complains how hard it is to be around him, that she still wishes to hold him, but she knows she’s not allowed to touch him. It’s almost like you ran off to another bloke the minute Richard trusted you. Richard tries to get it into Anita’s thick skull that she is not allowed to act as a lupa for the pack. Anita says that as his ex-girlfriend, she must be lupa still – and she saved lives from evil Sylvie!

Anita then goes on a massive defensive spiel about how Richard shouldn’t blame her for sleeping with JC and that she isn’t ashamed and hasn’t yet realised she was raped. Richard tries to counter with that he was doing what Anita wanted him to do, so Anita weasels her way out and says oh, I didn’t say eat them, blah blah. She is more weaselly than a Conservative politician.

Anita then wanders if Richard is a necrophiliac. Christ on a fucking pogo stick.

Anyway, Richard is really here to be her backup when she protects the wereleopards. Oh, I see how it is JC. Yellow belly chicken shit. He’s said they must not kill anyone, but hasn’t bothered to do anything to help Anita or do any good. Richard says this is proof she can’t trust him, but Anita defends JC as saving their lives. By doing nothing.

Anita sends out Richard so she can finish getting dressed. She wants to put her holster on in peace. She thinks how jolly lucky she is to have Richard around, even if he is burdened by that pesky conscience of his.

I know. Consciences are so bad.


6 thoughts on “A review of Laurell K. Hamilton’s ‘Burnt Offerings’ chapter twenty six

  1. I like how she is sure to specifically mention her naked breasts to us.

    “Anita then wanders if Richard is a necrophiliac.” wut

    A conscious is the worst sin in the Anitaverse

    • ‘My breasts are soooo naked when I’m nude!’ No one cares Anita.

      I hope LKH never realises that people are naked under their clothes all the time.

      PS I’ll be posting something interesting later tonight!

  2. So Richard has postponed the research for his Masters that he was in the middle of so that he could protect his pack, and yet he’s a big old meanypants because he doesn’t like his ex-girlfriend countermanding the orders he gave on how the pack was to be run in his absence, undermining his authority. Is it bad of me to say that if Sylvie was straight she would be portrayed as a romantic rival to Anita and die a horribly painful death, probably at Anita’s hands while everyone assured her it was necessary?

  3. Sorry but however much I find these books, and Anita, distasteful, there is no-one more weaselly than a Tory politician!

  4. The one thing I have noticed is that Anita is always the victim. Never mind the fact that she is forever setting herself up for the part. Not to mention how when it is pointed out to her she either kills someone and or screeches how unfair the person/world is to her.

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